[This is something I started a while ago and it's a little something I've tried to complete whilst I've had writers block because, well, I needed something to write. Ha. Anyway because of that this may not be up to my usual standards but oh well. It's got my usual immature humour (with a lot of inside jokes so some may not get them-still random anyway) and my sister pitched in a little bit to help. So you've read the summary, on to the fic:
My Writing Buddy
One uber boring day outside and Charlie shuffled in to the hatch only to find Michael typing on the hatch computer looking frustrated.
"Yo Michael," Charlie spoke up trying his best to sound ghetto.
Michael glared at Charlie, less then impressed.
Charlie walked over to him, "What're you doing?" he asked looking at the computer screen.
"I found this site. Yeah, everyone submits fanfiction and stuff and I wanted to have a go at it," Michael admitted rubbing his chin.
"Awesome! I didn't know you could do that on there!"
"Well, I am quite the genius. So I don't know why I'm stumped as to what to write."
"O rly?" Charlie asked grabbing a chair and sitting on it backwards beside Michael as he faced the computer screen.
"This sucks, man. What should I write about?"
"Oh! How about me….and I have magical powers!"
"But you're boring!"
"What the hell? I'm boring?! What about you?! All you do is yell 'WALT' every five minutes!"
"That is so NOT true…….WAAAAALT!"
"Give it up, man."
Michael frowned.
"You need a plot!" Charlie exclaimed.
"Duhh."
"Well have you got one?"
"No…"
Charlie blinked, "Then think…..think…..think…..think…"
"You have a habit of repeating yourself, don't you."
"Do I? Hide Desmond! Hide, hide, hide, hide!"
"What the heck?"
"Woah, I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. Maybe it's a sign of what's to come in the near future."
The guys stared at each other blankly, "Nah!"
"Oh!" Michael randomly spoke up, "How about I heroically rescue my son by going out bravely in to the jungle, being harassed by the Others and then forming an evil plan with them to lead a group in to the jungle only to get them kidnapped by the Others and then Walt and I will disappear on some boat with no sign for about a season…Uh..I mean month."
There was a slight pause, "That's ridiculous, that'll never happen," scorned Charlie.
They both laughed.
"How about I randomly find a beautiful woman in the jungle and then I'll marry her and rub your face in it."
Charlie tilted his head in thought, "Nah, you're not that irresistible."
"Oooh! I should write about a ship couple!"
"Dude! Write about me and Claire!"
"You and Claire will never get anywhere. How many times have you kissed?"
"None…"
"Exactly my point. You guys are so boring."
"I'd like to think we were quite sweet actually."
"BORING," Michael made yawning expressions.
"You can't talk! You don't even have a bloody ship!"
"shh! You're ruining my muse!"
"Muse? You can't handle the muse!"
"I've got it! The hottest ship on this island! Skate!"
"Skate?" Charlie wrinkled his nose.
"What?"
"I HATE Skate! Their first kiss repulsed me!"
"And you would know this because…?"
"Look, Skate is just a way to build in that whole Jack/Kate/Sawyer triangle thing. Skate is so uncool."
"Why all the Skate hate?"
"I hate Sawyer. But mainly because I'm a Jater for life."
"Jate? Psht! All that 'Will they? Won't they?' crap interests you?"
"Oh, who cares about who Kate hooks up with anyway!?"
-Short silence-
"Take that back, man."
Charlie frowned, "Look, do you wanna write fanfic or not?"
"Are you some kind of pro at this or something?"
"Actually, I'm on that site," cringed Charlie.
"No way man! What's your pen name?"
"Never you mind! Have you thought of a plot yet?"
"It's hard!" whined Michael.
"You need to find something that inspires you. Try some music," Charlie suggested jumping up and putting on some tunes.
The pair listened to the music play.
"God, what is this crap?" Charlie asked disgusted.
Michael stared at him, "Dude, this is your band Driveshaft."
"Oh…….crap," Charlie cursed before quickly turning off the music and clearing his throat.
"Lol. Owned"
"Right so….anything?" Charlie asked changing the subject.
Michael shook his head.
"Maybe fanfic isn't your thing, man."
"Noo! I know I can do this!"
"Ok. What do you care about?"
"I care about a lot of things. Like poetry, and America and my stuffed gerbil, The O'RLY? Owl, My drawing…"
"What about your son?"
"Hmm? Oh yeah, him too."
"Maybe we should just go back to the Skate thing…"
"I dunno, man," Michael began, "It feels wrong writing about other people's characters…I mean other people."
"Who cares? It's just fanfiction. You're an amateur right now then in the near future…who knows?" Charlie and Michael stared in to space.
"Charlie?"
"Yeah?"
"What are we staring at?"
Charlie coughed, "nothing," they sat back down.
"OMG!"
"what?"
"I just found out your pen name!"
"You never!"
"Yeah I did, Look-here's your profile." Michael indicated to the screen which showed RockStarCharlie's profile. He read it out, "Hi ppl, ma name's Charlie and I was a rockstar and still am no matter what ppl say coz they are just jealous. Yeah anyway, enjoy my work and stuff, PB&J 4eva and all that. Lol."
Charlie cringed, "I was young and stupid!" he paused, "And still am."
Michael raised an eyebrow.
"Well what's your pen name?!" demanded Charlie snatching the mouse from Michael before clicking on Michael's profile, "Chocolate-Bear?" asked Charlie, "Seriously? That's your pen name?"
"What? I think it's cute."
"Heya everyone. I'm Michael. My ASL is 29/m/craphole island. I am writing some fanfic soon, man so don't worry but I am really busy right now trying to get rescued from an island and trying to find my son too, man. His name is WAAALT! And he's also really short too, he's about 9….I mean 10 and yeah so if you see him email me on MichaelRocksYourSocksdotnet.
Michael shrugged. Charlie stared at him, "You're not 29!"
"Shh, they don't know that!"
"Now that's just creepy."
"I have an idea for a fanfic," Michael replied stiffly.
"What?"
"A guy called Michael kills another guy called Charlie."
"Trippy."
"Uh-huh. Hey you stole that word from somewhere!"
"Yeah, from some fanfic. I like to read."
"Uh-huh," Michael stared at him strangely before turning back to the computer, "It'd be cool if there was a celebrity on the island."
"Now you're getting the idea! You can write about something you'd like to see happen on the show…uh..I mean island."
"Riiight."
"Like Claire and I actually getting a proper plot, maybe I can say 'I Love You' to her. The Chaire shippers will go crazy!"
"Your ship has a funny name."
"At least I have a ship," muttered Charlie offended, "What would yours be? Chaichael?"
"Dude, you did NOT just ship us!"
"OH SNAP! Uh…No…of course not...that's slash. Slash is wrong," stuttered Charlie.
Michael, again, stared at him with uneasiness.
"I'm gonna grab some food," Charlie quickly scurried off.
Later
As Charlie munched on his Apollo bar he went to check on Michael who had written one line since he had left.
"Michael and Charlie were walking together talking until Michael got sick of him and punched the washed out rock star in the face."
Charlie nodded with consideration as he chewed, "You're getting there….." he said nervously, "But I think you're slightly OOC."
"OOC?"
"Out Of Character."
"Pfft, I'm perfectly in character. I'm the one who's writing this!"
"Yeah but for a start why are we even walking together? You should be off on some suicidal mission to get your son back and I should be somewhere sucking up to Claire!"
"But the punching you was in character, right?"
"Oh yeah, I guess so."
Michael smiled to himself, "So what now?"
"Something needs to happen. Is this gonna be a oneshot?"
"What's a oneshot?"
"Uh….the opposite to a chapter story really."
"Oh. I guess it could be."
"Maybe you could include that whole celebrity on the island shizz?"
Michael considered this idea but soon enough started having a day dream involving Charlie and a monkey with drums……
The two were interrupted by a newcomer. To both their dismays it was Jack.
"Hey friends!" Jack beamed.
"Oh great," Michael rolled his eyes.
"The 'Leader' is here," Charlie sighed, "Hey Jack. How are things with Kate?! Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink," Charlie hinted less then subtlety.
"Jack," Michael began, "Maybe it's best you should go. Charlie and I are trying to write fan fiction."
"Ohh, I used to be on that site."
"Really?!" Charlie questioned, "Geeze, we should talk more about these things.."
"Yah-huh," Jack replied. "Like for instance; did you know that I used to be lollypop man?"
"Whuuuh?" Michael asked confused.
"Hey, those kids need to safely cross the road! Bless them…"
"I guess…."
"That's why my pen name is LollyPopManJack. Heh…I get a lotta kids add me and then ask for candy. Man, I hate kids.."
"……………….?"
"Jack, could you do one of your famous dance offs?" Charlie suggested.
"Maybe…Why?"
"Michael needs to get inspired.."
"But I haven't got my dancing shoes," Jack admitted sadly, "Or my tutu!"
"Er…..that's terrible, man," Michael replied, "I..uh..certainly didn't take them and dress myself up all pretty and dance in front of the mirror singing….no sirrrreeeeeee."
Jack and Charlie raised their eyebrows, "Riiiiiight."
"I know!" Jack squeed, "Write about Charlie and Claire!"
"Yay!" cheered Charlie.
Michael frowned, "But…but…they're not interesting!"
"I think they're quite sweet actually," Jack smiled to himself.
Charlie stuck his tongue out at Michael.
"Oh, screw you. Your fanfic sucks anyway!"
"Hey! Me and Kate saved you from the Others!" Jack defended himself.
"No you didn't! You found me after the Others threw me out towards you! AND you kept dropping me on the way back!!"
"Michael, I thought we agreed not to tell that side of the story…"
"Jack, I thought you said you heroically slayed the Others with Kensei's sword, then bravely climbed the Mountain of Death, challenged the magic Dwarf, carried Michael all the way back home and THEN asked Kate to marry you!" Charlie pointed out.
Jack blinked, "Well, I could have SLIGHTLY exaggerated.."
"For crying out loud!" Michael snapped beginning to get fed up, "I'm TRYING to write here!"
"No you're not," Charlie retorted, "Stop lying! Both of you! Lies! ALL LIES!"
Jack sighed as Michael rolled his eyes, "Emotional lil' thing, ain't he?"
"Your mum," Charlie mumbled with frustration.
"Eh?" Michael shook his head, "Can I get on please?"
"I dunno mate, sorry," Charlie apologised, "This has happened to other fanfic writers. Including one I know. Recently she just can't seem to write…"
"WHAT?! Why not?" demanded Michael, "Her muse must return to her SOME time!"
Charlie shrugged, "She has no idea when it will return. She's been advised to take a break and do other things until it comes back."
"But….that'd mean she can't write…OH NOES!"
"Yes…maybe it's come back a little and she's writing little things (like this….) until she can move on to bigger things.."
"Who is this dumbass writer?!" Michael asked looking unimpressed, "And where's Jack?!"
The two turned to look over at Jack who seemed to be waltzing around the room with a damp mop.
"…………………..Jack?" Charlie asked after a little speechless staring.
"What the hell are you doing?" Michael questioned looking uneasy.
"I'm dancing!" sang Jack as he and the mop paraded around the hatch.
"It's a little distracting now," Charlie admitted staring at Jack with confusion.
"Oh….sorry."
"You're still doing it, man," Michael pointed out.
"Why don't you give me the mop. Yeah…just.." Charlie grabbed the mop from Jack's grasp causing him to let out a disappointed moan.
"Nooo! Sarah!"
"Sarah?" Michael asked swivelling in his chair with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah….it's my mop's name…." Jack pouted.
"You named the mop…?" Charlie asked slowly.
"Yeah, why not?"
"It's not sane. And besides it's not your mop!" exclaimed Michael, "And wasn't Sarah your ex wife?"
"Erm…..uh….Hey! Maybe you should put a mop in your fan fiction!" Jack suggested with a nervous grin.
"Why would anyone put a mop in their fan fiction?!" Michael hissed beginning to lose patience, "That's just perfectly ridiculous!"
"This fanfic writer did…." Charlie pointed out.
"Whatchu' talkin' 'bout, man?" Michael argued.
"Looooooooooook. It's clear this is getting pointless…." Jack mumbled, "I have more important stuff to do like play poker on the beach or yell at Locke or cry or something….maybe kill some others….nah too hardcore. See you, good luck with the fan fiction!"
"What a jerk," Michael sighed after Jack had left.
"I dunno, I kind of miss him," admitted Charlie with a small frown.
Michael stared at him before turning back to the computer screen.
"See what happens when one gets writers block?! Man, it's like the worst thing ever!" pouted Michael, "Oh..OH! Now it's frozen! DAMMIT!"
Charlie rolled his eyes as Michael rebooted the computer.
8 minutes later…
Michael tapped his fingers against the wooden desk as he still awaited the computer to finish loading.
Charlie walked in with a book in his hands, "Did you know that the English have over 4,000 phrases that no one else in the world uses?!"
"How interesting," Michael muttered with sarcasm.
Charlie looked up from his book of English Idioms, "Is it still loading?"
"Yes.."
But just then the computer made a loud, high pitched ringing sound.
"That was annoying."
"Don't you find it so irritating how smug these computers are?! They even announce themselves every time you switch them on!"
"Oooh! Apparently the term 'showing your true colours' is an English idiom!"
Michael was unamused.
Charlie put down his book, "Hey, if this is based on real life stuff then why are we submitting it to fanfiction dot net.
Michael looked around nervously, "Shut up, Charlie."
"Maybe we should write about Greys Anatomy. Claire and I LOVE that show."
"Pfft, Everyone knows Heroes is the best! Peter is emo love!"
"You know, I swear I've seen that Matt Parkman somewhere before," Charlie pondered for a little while, "Oh well, probably nothing."
"Yay, it's loaded!" Michael cheered, "Wow, now I have loads of ideas!"
"Really? That's great!" Charlie patted him on the shoulder, "So what do you have in mind?"
"Hey dudes," the two were interrupted again but this time Hurley was their intruder.
"Hurley!" Charlie squeed, "I missed you man!"
"Charlie, we played golf, like, half an hour ago."
"….I love you man."
"See how clingy this boys is?!" Hurley complained to Michael, "Anyway, where's Jack? He's usually down here.."
"He's crying," Michael rolled his eyes, "That's my bet anyway. That or he's out in the jungle trying to sew back together a ripped leaf."
Hurley chuckled, "What're you doing?"
"Fanfiction," Michael replied not looking away from the screen.
"Yeah but Michael sucks at it," Charlie added.
Charlie noticed Michael was hitting his head against the keyboard, "ANGST ANGST ANGST!"
"What the hell are you doing?!?!" demanded Charlie taking a step back.
"I need a thesaurus! My words suck!" moaned Michael.
Charlie sighed, "Look here, hold down shift, F7 and it'll come up with the thesaurus. It's saved my skin several times, that button."
Michael gasped as a new window came up displaying more interesting words, "That's amazing!" he exclaimed, "You geek!"
"Geek?!" Charlie was offended.
Hurley coughed, "Charlie isn't a geek, trust me. He helped me with sharing the food out once…people were NOT happy!"
"It's not my fault," frowned Charlie, "I was a late bloomer at school."
"Late?!" scorned Michael, "I think it's still winter for you, buddy."
"Ooooh, rinsage," Hurley teased.
"Well then, I guess you don't need my help," Charlie pouted slowly making his way out the room waiting for an objection. Michael turned his attention back to the screen. Hurley blinked.
"I said I'm going," Charlie pointed out, "I'm literally leaving the hatch as I speak."
Nobody said anything.
"Screw you guys, I'll have plenty of fun hanging out by myself!" Charlie snapped exiting the hatch.
Michael and Hurley exchanged glances and then shrugged.
10 minutes later
Charlie re-entered the hatch to see Michael alone, "Hey," he said awkwardly, "Where's Hurley?"
"He left," Michael sighed staring at the screen in front of him.
"Oh…So…How've you been?"
Michael glanced at him, "Good man…good. You?"
"Yeah, I've been alright. Made up a new song on my guitar….built some new tents…..hunted some boar for lunch…the usual.."
Michael nodded.
"So how's the fan fiction?"
"It's great. Yeah, read it if you want.."
"Michael was talking to Charlie about what happened to Ethan. It had only been a few hours since Charlie had shot him and he was still pretty shaken up.
"At least it's not as bad as what I did to Ana and Libby. Man, that was bad," Michael said nervously.."
"Stop!" said Charlie, "First mistake!"
"What?"
"Well for a start I believe a few hours after I shot Ethan I was talking to Jack, NOT you. And second of all WTF man?! We didn't even KNOW about those chicks at that time!"
Michael cringed, "Damn! Of course!"
"For instance at THIS very moment in time I shouldn't know that Sawyer and Kate get it on at the Others camp in a few weeks or so but there ya go!" Michael stared at him with his nose wrinkled. "You gotta bear this in mind when writing fanfic. Remember what time you've set it in and what people know at that time. It's hard but you should get it eventually."
"Thanks Charlie," smiled Michael.
"No problem."
"You're a good friend. I'm sorry we ignored you and were mean to you."
"It's alright," Charlie smiled before turning around and muttering to himself, "Isn't that just like me?! He hurt me bad and now I have to act like none of that happened just to avoid conflict! Lazy writer!"
"Did you say something, man?"
"Nope, are you gonna redraft?"
"Yep I'm gonna start over."
"Which means you don't have a plot….Again."
Michael smiled, "I might have a plot."
Later
Michael and Charlie stepped back from the computer and admired their writing. There was nothing like that sense of achievement that made you feel happy at the end of a just written fic.
"So, you think it turned out alright?" Michael asked looking over at Charlie.
"Mate, it's brilliant! Now how's that for a slice of fried gold?!"
"Kerchingle!" Michael cheered high-fiving Charlie.
"Wait, to upload we need to put a summary!" Charlie thought to himself, "I have the perfect one!"
Charlie typed in a summary and submitted the fanfic.
"Ah, now what shall we do?" Michael asked folding his arms and sighing.
Charlie looked blank, "We could dance with Jack's mop?"
"Sure ok!" beamed Michael as he and Charlie skipped off to find "Sarah The Mop".
They left the computer with the fanfic on. The summary read:
Charlie walks in on Michael trying to write fan fiction. The two decide to help each other but as they attempt to write they are interrupted by the numerous things that stops one from writing fiction.
The title was:
My Writing Buddy
The End
[Thanks for reading, I apologise for the stupidity, haha)