Note from ze authoress: Haha, that's me! Yep, I did it. I made a "30 Ways to Annoy" fanfiction. The victim? Orochimaru, of course! Honestly, I love him, but he's just too fun to annoy to refuse! So, here you go. tosses chapter out to like a scrap of meat

LOLDisclaimer! Hey, I remembered it this time! I don't own Naruto. Now please stop filing that copyright infringement lawsuit. Now. Seriously. I can't afford to go to court.

(My notes go in parenthesis, because I KNOW you all want to read what I have to say, right/shot/)

1. Trade Manda for Nagini. (Voldemort's snake, for the Harry Potter ignorants out there)

2. Train his snakes to respond only to ridiculously un-evil names such as Mr. Floofykins or Ichabod.

3. Walk around the village with Kin(she's magically not dead, okay?) whispering, and when you see Orochimaru, stop, look at him, giggle like mad, then resume whispering. (Not one of my better ones, STFU)

4. Ask him if snakes really do taste like chicken.

5. Ask this more than once.

6. A minute.

7. Buy a large pipe organ to play his theme music every five minutes.

8. Play it poorly.

9. Stare blankly past his shoulder and when he turns around to see what you're looking at, yell "Made you look!" Make sure to follow this step with running away very fast.

10. Repeat step nine, replacing "Made you look!" with flicking him in the back of the head. Follow up with running away very, very fast.

11. Ask if he's in any way related to Ayame. (From Fruits Basket. Year of the Snake.)

12. Act completely taken aback when he asks who the hell Ayame is.

13. Ask if you can get a pet mongoose.

14. Get one anyway.

15. Wear snakeskin accessories.

16. Casually state on a regular basis, "Itachi is so eviler than you…"

17. Wake him up in the middle of the night to ask random things. (Why does airline food suck?)

18. Sing 'Cold Hearted Snake'.

19. Frequently.

20. Force him to go see the premier of 'Snakes on a Plane' (For the sake of the human race, I hope to god that Hollywood cuts that movie before it comes to theaters)

21. Three words: Numa Numa Song.

22. Hug him. (How could I write a 'Ways to Annoy' fanfiction without this one?)

23. Tightly. (Weeellll… OKAY/glomps/looks around/ What? What? I don't care if he's old enough to be my grandfather… What? STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!)

24. Tell him that he looks like the chick from 'The Ring'.

25. Pretend to be holding a phone and say, "Akatsuki just called. They want their idiot back."

26. Every time he smirks (mmm, sexy smirk… /slap'd/) ask if he's thinking of Tsunade.

27. Stick an old torn hat on his head and shout, "Slytherin!"

28. Force him to sit still (and preferably not kill you) while you read 'Rikki-Tikki-Tavi'.

29. Make sure to emphasize the face that the mongoose wins.

AND FINALLY... Steal his earrings. (What? Stop looking at me like that! I WANT THEM, OKAY?)

Authoress' Note: I, HanyouChaos, better known to my comrades as Kitsune Ookami, claim no responsibility for painful, serpent-related deaths that occur as a result of performing the above listed actions. DO NOT TAUNT THE SNAKE!

BYE/eyes the shiny review button/ You knowww youuuu waaaannnt tooo…