Warnings: There is some talk of an explicit content, and if you do not agree with this then it's simple; don't read it. I'm not saying this to offend you, I just don't want to get reviews saying that I have a dirty mind..ect. So please, if your not one for a mature rating (I don't know if there will be a sex scene yet...) then just don't read. Thank you:)
It's at times like these I wish I had a penis and broad shoulders, instead of breasts and an hourglass figure. Sirius and James were currently picking another fight with Snape and I'm growing incredibly tired of having to bail their asses out every time a teacher gets involved. If they would actually listen to me in the beginning, rather then deciding that I'm right once McGonagall comes storming over, it would save me and them a lot of time and detentions. But because I have big boobs and an hour glass figure that causes my hips to look too wide, and what I say doesn't matter until the fear of McGonagall's wrath flashes in their eyes.
I would stop helping them out in situations if I had any other friends besides the Marauders. While you may think that because your friends with the Marauders you would gain a lot of friends through their popularity, but not in my case. I'm not conceited, when I admit I have big boobs, I'm simply stating a fact. And because of my rather, busty, features girls are intimidated by me. They think that I'm full of myself and I hang around the Marauders for sex. If they actually bothered to ask me, I would tell them that I am not full of myself and if they would take a closer look they would notice I wear baggy shirts, and the reason why I hang around the Marauders is because while I'm well aware that they don't mind glancing at my breasts they actually have accepted me because I find their pranks amusing and bail them out of almost any situation. I feel no need to explain myself to girls who judge me without knowing me, and am perfectly content with hanging out with the Marauders because they accepted me with no question or judging. But now their pranks are becoming tiresome, and I've run out of excuses to give to McGonagall.
I'm not saying that from time to time I wish I hung around girls more often. While there's never a dull moment with the Marauders, they can't relate when it comes to talking about boys and periods. Instead my conversations are based around girls, pranks, and food.
The conversations I have with the Marauders usually vary and I'm glad that they listen to what I have to say, but they usually don't have anything to contribute in return. When I talk to James the conversation almost always is based around Lily. It can be about the newest lip-gloss she is wearing, or if she glared at him in a less harsh way. If he doesn't talk about Lily then he's talking about a new prank he's developed. Sometimes his pranks are directed towards Lily but he'll never actually go through with them anymore. He's realized that setting a girls school robes on fire won't make her fall in love with him.
When I talk to Sirius the conversation always puts us in a right laugh. Everyone sees him as a jokester and prankster but when he talks to me I've found he's a closet romantic. Girls always talk about how big of a playboy he is and how many girls he's slept with, truth-be-told he's had only two girlfriends and they've lasted more then a year because when he becomes involved with a girl he wants to make it last. Girls assume that he's a playboy because he is a big flirt and well aware of his looks, but he doesn't flaunt them. Girls flaunt his good looks and charming personality for him. He finds this immature attitude incredibly annoying, but if he stopped talking with girls rumors would spread that he's gay, and he doesn't want anyone questioning his manhood. There's been a downside befriending Sirius. Girls can't just be friends with Sirius, unless you're a lesbian, even then the thought of converting is tempting. All these years I've come to know him has only made me fall for him even more. And I hate that because it makes me one of those predictable and hopelessly sad girls that are in love with one of their best friends.
When I talk to Remus its different then when I talk with Sirius or James. Remus is very intelligent, and very quiet and recluse. Whenever I have a conversation with Remus the conversation has meaning and he doesn't have deep talk's everyday. It's something special when Remus opens up to you and you have a tendency to remember everything he says. I'm one of the few people he trusts with his lycanthropy secret. Remus is the person I actually talk to most because while I listen he also listens to me. I find that James and Sirius are self-absorbed, without meaning to. Remus shows me cares about me by listening but Sirius and James have other ways. Sirius once brought me my favorite chocolate and pumpkin pasties when my boyfriend had broken up with me. James had an uncanny ability to make me laugh no matter what the situation was. While those actions always cheered be up Remus listening to me provided more then comfort food or laughter.
Peter is different; he's quiet and hesitant when he speaks. He's never quite sure what he should say, or if he's going to say the right thing. He seems afraid of saying anything that could upset anyone or make him look weak. And when I try to talk to him and tell him about my problems he gets this glazed look in his eyes and always appears to be thinking of something else. Don't get me wrong, I love Peter, but it's like talking to a taxidermy animal.
"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, I have just seen what you've done and don't think your going to be getting out of this one!" McGonagall's voice broke through my thoughts and I was suddenly thrown back into reality.
"Minnie," James said ruffling his hair and smiling sheepishly, trying to stand in front of Snape to hide the fact that foam was coming from his mouth.
"Mr. Potter, if you don't want to spend the rest of the year serving detentions with Mr. Filch de-weeding Hogwarts grounds, then I suggest you shut your mouth and put your wand away."
"Professor," I said from the crowds. Darn my basic instincts. "Snape here already has rabies and they were only trying to er-help him." Was that really the best I could come up with? I told you that I was running out of excuses.
"Ms. Reid, because of that comment you will be serving detention with Mr. Potter and Mr. Black for the next week." James and Sirius started to protest as McGonagall walked away, "ten points from Gryffindor!"
A groan emitted from the Gryffindors' who had been watching the fight.
"He has rabies, and we were helping him?" James asked me.
I shrugged, "if you're going to complain don't expect help from me ever again. And may I remind you that because of my efforts I have landed myself in detention with you two wankers."
"Oh, you purposefully landed yourself in detention because you can't get enough of Prongsy and me." Sirius used the nicknames once the crowd had cleared.
I rolled my eyes and tried to prevent a smile from forming on my lips. "Please, I don't need you; you need me to bail you out all the time."
"Why do you underestimate our charming abilities so?" James said in mock-drama.
"Well, my dearest James, you're 'charming abilities' have just landed you in detention for a week."
"Touché," James said as he draped his arm around my shoulders, forcing me to walk with him. "Before I forget; tomorrow morning I'm planning a little Quidditch practice before the game against Ravenclaw next week."
"No, not another, before the sun comes up practices."
"Afraid so," James laughed. His arm then fell from my shoulders as Lily came into view. "Hey Evans," James called out. To my surprise Lily turned to look at him, but her gaze still shown nothing short of loathe. "If you wake up early tomorrow you may luck out and have the privilege of riding my broomstick."
"Pig," Lily spat, and to avoid further conversation she and her friends turned down the corridor.
"You know what James," I said as I smiled at Lily's victory. "I can never get mad at you because I pity you and you're never ending, slightly pitiful, attempts to get Lily to fall in love with you."
Sirius let out his bark-like laughter and hit James on the shoulders. "She's got you there Prongs."
James shoved Sirius with his shoulders. "I'd like to see you do better."
"With Evans?" Sirius threw back his head and let out another bark-like laugh. "That's a good one Prongs. No one stands a chance with Lily if they have the ability to question what she says, unless you want your balls chopped off. Peter possibly stands a chance."
"Hey, be nice." I said, "Peter's sensitive. Girls like that in a man."
"That's were your wrong, my dear Evangeline, girls like men with muscles, and packing down below, if you know what I mean." Sirius supported his last statement with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.
"Sirius Black, if you make one more sexual statement towards me I'm gonna, I'm gonna."
"You're going to what? Spurt incoherent words at me?"
After dinner James, Sirius, and I walked into McGonagall's classroom in a less then happy mood that we were just in moments before.
"You three are going to be under the watch of Mr. Filch. He's expecting you in the Herbology room. If I find you are later then the five minutes it takes you to get there you will be serving another week of detention. Do I make myself clear?"
We all nodded and walked out of the room without a word. There wasn't any talk all the way to Herbology either, we were all too angry to speak.
"Hm, you three again," Filch said once we'd entered the Herbology room. "Well, lets get right to it. You see those plants on that wall," Filch said as he pointed to a large amount of plants. "You are to alphabetize all of them."
"But sir, we don't know all those plants names." I said once I'd taken a look at the never ending supply of plant-life.
A particularly nasty smile crept onto Filch's face, "that is why, Ms. Reid, I've given you books listing all the names of the plants. Happy categorizing."
James let out a string of curses as he looked at all the plants disarray. "This has got to be the worst detention ever."
"Well," I said rolling up my sleeves. "We might as well get to it, no use in standing around and whining like a bunch of ninnies."
"I'm no ninny!" Sirius exclaimed defensively.
Two hours had passed and we'd only gotten into the E's.
"I spy with my little eyes something green." James said.
"A plant," Sirius said in a bored voice.
"No, a leaf."
"There's no difference," Sirius said in an agitated voice.
James gasped and placed a hand on his heart, "how can you treat leafs with such disrespect?"
It wasn't until three o'clock in the morning till we finished. We walked back to our common room covered in dirt, sweat, and some blood. James thought it would be funny to stick his finger in a vezer, which is a round plant covered in needles, and apparently has sharp teeth. When the aforementioned plant bit down on James' finger he squealed like a little sheep that has lost its home and no longer had his mother's nipples to feed off of.
We reached the common rooms we grunted when we'd reached the girls and boys dormitory and separated. I fell into my bed, not bothering to change my clothes, and brought the blanket over my head. When I'd finally situated myself the blankets were ripped from my body.
"Just were where you?" The unmistakable shrill voice of Lily Evans rang in my ears.
"Lily, I'm covered in soil, sweat, and blood. What do you think I was doing?"
"Well, one can't tell when all you do is hang around the Marauders. I would expect nothing less then pranks."
"Your right Lily," I sat up as I spoke. "I was off having sex with all of them, separately, of course. Because if I'd done it with all of them at the same time that would be indecent." I ripped my blanket from Lily's hands as she stared at me in shock.
The next morning I woke up and felt as though my entire body weighed a million pounds. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the dormitory. I bolted up out of my bed once I realized that no one was in the room. I looked at my watch and swore when I realized I only had twenty minutes to get ready until the next class. Cursing under my breath I quickly took a shower and threw my hair up into a ponytail not caring that it was wet. I grabbed my uniform and quickly threw it on, putting on my shoes and socks as I ran down the stairs.
I skidded to a halt in front of the Potions room, only seconds before class started. I took a seat next to Remus and right as I was taking out my book and wand the bell rang.
"Where were you?" Remus whispered to me.
"Slept in accidentally, I had a late night."
"I heard, that was a really harsh detention, and you didn't even deserve to have one."
I groaned and rolled my eyes, "don't remind me. And I can't afford to serve a detention tonight, I've got a Care of Magical Creatures essay to write. I don't know where I'm going to find the time."
"I can help, during dinner I can work on it with you. I'm almost done anyway."
Smiling I said thank you before turning my attention back to Slughorn, sort of.
I was sitting, pretending to take notes but instead drawing pictures of unicorns named; Sparkle Fairy Lumps. Between my intense drawing I started to think of Remus. He's always been really nice, he understands me, is willing to listen to me…he sounds like a woman, god no. How could I even think of Remus that way? I must be just really horny because when I get this way I even started to think of Snape because he was in close proximity to me. Then I realized that he's so greasy he would probably just slide off of me. Ok, STOP THINKING OF SNAPE! I care about Snape about as much as those kids with the flies on their faces.
"You have that look on your face like you've just had a sex fantasy about Snape and he slid off of you because of his access of grease." I looked at Sirius, how does he know me so well?
"I couldn't give two straws about the shapes of hippogriff poop."
Remus and I had been working on my essay for almost an hour now and I was growing tired of listing every single thing a hippogriff does. There's only so much a girl can take.
Remus smiled and looked up at me. "Well, you're only a half inch short, I think we can skip the hippogriff poop, you just write your name on the bottom."
"Brilliant," I said as I signed my name extra loopy…loopy. Loopy was my first pet hamster. He died, unfortunately, after an innocent game of elevator. I wanted him to get a feel of the real world so I bounced him up and down; showing him what it would feel like to be on an elevator. Unfortunately, because he had so much fun his heart stopped.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Oh, er-what you would look like if you were Asian." Actually, Remus would probably look good Asian. Being Asian he would have limited vision, he wouldn't be able to see the full moon, and then his life as a werewolf would no longer exist.
"Right, well, you've got about twenty minutes until you have to go to detention. Are you up for a jaw session? Jaw session is Remus' way of asking if I want to talk. We feel that if we say 'do you want to talk' the others surrounding up will become jealous and throw the closest things they have at us. "So, winter vacation is in two weeks, any big plans?"
"Well, my grandma is coming over for a week. She thinks I'm a lesbian. Which, by the way, I need cleared up. Care to come over and pretend to be my boyfriend? She's coming over December seventeenth."
"I would, but I'm afraid that's during the full moon. Sorry."
I shrugged, "ah well, I'll get someone else. Anywho, are you going to Sirius's party new year's eve?"
"Of course, I haven't seen his new flat yet. But, back on the subject of needing a fix boyfriend, why not ask Sirius?"
"Remus, you know how I feel about him."
"I know, but he doesn't, so I don't see why there's anything wrong with pretending."
"I don't want to pretend, I want to be his girlfriend."
"Well, even if your pretending you might get the benefits couples have." Remus said with an uncharacteristic suggestive eye wiggle.
"You know what," I said gathering up my books. "I'm just going to go to detention early," I was joking as I stormed out of the library, but also kind of serious. I was tired of everyone knowing (and by everyone I mean James, Remus, and Peter) that I was in love with Sirius, except Sirius. And when people always remind me of what I don't have it just brings me to reality. I like being in my own thoughts because then the world exists how I want it. A part of this perfect world is that wool wouldn't itch, and mutton was soft.
Twenty minutes later I had met up with Sirius and James and we were currently standing with Filch, looking at the trophies before us.
"Hmm," Filch grunted. "You've got 'ter wash all of these trophies without magic today, have fun ladies."
"Sir," I said before Filch could get away. "Why do you hate us so when all we show you is love?"
The next five days left us bruised, broken, blistered, and bumpy. Sleep deprivation was finally catching up to me. On day four I imagined that pink bunnies were hopping along the corridors of Hogwarts, all in search of their leader Chief Chuwapa, to grant them peace among the blue and pink bunnies.
It had been announced that there was a Hogsmeade trip that Saturday for Christmas shopping. James was already scheming to pull a prank the day before we left to avoid getting detentions.
"One would think the teachers would give you detention after Christmas break." I pointed out, shattering James' hopeful thoughts.
"Yes well, just drug the teachers and they'll forget."
"Like that time my dad drugged my mum, she gets lonely."