A/N: This story was written as an answer to request at Mass Effect Kink Meme at livejournal. You should definitely check it out if you haven't heard of it before.
The request was: It's very late at night, and Shep is forced to use men's lavatory, where she runs into her favorite badass merc. Bonus points for EDI!
In addition, this is my first smut fic, and I'm not a native En speaker - but I'll be very grateful for any advices or constructive criticism.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Zaeed, Shepard or Mass Effect. If I did, Massani would get a permanent spot on the team, become a LI, and get whole lot more of dialogue lines, wheel included.

Shepard's last mission took a lot longer than she had anticipated. But that wasn't the worst thing. A horrible slime she and her squadmates got covered in by some strange alien flora just didn't want to come off! Grunt seemed to enjoy the killing no matter what he was covered in, and Zaeed eventually just shrugged it off after reciting some foul language.

When they came back, Joker had found it very amusing, but the rest of the crew knew better than to say anything. Shepard had taken two showers in the evening, and still couldn't fall asleep with the remaining bits of slime in her hair. Angrily, she got into her shower and poured all of the remaining shampoo onto her hair and body. Being sufficiently covered in suds, Shepard reached out to start the water. Nothing happened. She cursed and forcefully hit the annoying button, without any result.

There was no way she could get all the shampoo and soap off her body without water. Considering she probably wouldn't fit through the opening of her fish tank, and that it was about 2am, Shepard cleared some of the suds from her eyes, and move carefully to the elevator. The only other bathrooms were on the third deck, so she hit the appropriate button, and prayed everyone on that floor was already asleep.

Seeing that the corridor was clear, Shepard exited the elevator and made a sharp turn to the left. However, the swishing sound of the crew quarters' door froze her to the spot. A young woman walked into the corridor, and yawned loudly before continuing to the women's bathroom. A silent curse left Shepard's lips as she tried to decide where to go. Surely, she couldn't go to women's bathroom now, and get herself embarrassed. It was really late so it wasn't like there could be anyone in the other bathroom. Besides, she could lock the door from the inside once she got there.

Realizing it was better than standing in the corridor, she run for the men's bathroom, quickly getting in, and locking the door after her.

"What the hell are you-" resounded through the small room, and Shepard's eyes widened in shock as she recognized the voice, even more of the stinging shampoo getting into her eyes.

"Shepard..." She didn't even have to look to know there was a smirk on the merc's scarred face.

"Zaeed," she replied dumbly, but steadily, as if that should help her regain her dignity.

"Well, don't let me interrupt, ladies first." Again, she could hear the smugness, but this time, she cleared her eyes again to see.

Zaeed was leaned against a wall, clad in his underpants, with exactly that arrogant expression she felt like punching off his face sometimes. Yet, she couldn't stop her eyes from lingering on his body for longer than necessary. She had never seen what was beneath the armor, even though she had been wondering about that sometimes. Now she could see the full scale of his tattoos, and toned body covered with smaller or bigger scars. Unconsciously, she licked her lips, and grimaced as the sour flavor of shampoo attacked her taste buds. The merc didn't miss her reaction.

"See something you like, Shepard?" he asked, while crossing his arms across his chest.

"Dream on, Massani," was her annoyed response, as she passed Zaeed to the shower. This was like their usual banter in past few weeks, practically since his mission to kill Vido, where she had painfully connected her fist to his face. They had an intense argument after the mission, but they both seemed to come to an understanding, and Shepard was convinced, that the co-founder of Blue Suns would follow her orders without question. And he did, sometimes with a little bitching, but followed them nonetheless. She actually came to like their small talk and harmless bickering. At least for a few moments it got her mind off the heavy burden that she had to save the galaxy, again.

Shepard was about to turn the water on, when she noted her squadmate was giving her his undivided attention.

"Would you turn around," she sighed, "or better off: leave and close the door behind you?" She must have been really tired for not saying this sooner. It was one thing, being covered in thick white foam, and being completely naked before the merc. Actually, not even the foamed part was acceptable, what was she thinking?

"Is that an order," Zaeed closed the distance between them, standing only inches from her body, "Commander?" Shepard was suddenly aware of the wall behind her and the vigorous body before her. Of course, Zaeed was no Rambo, and his chest, while broad enough, wasn't considered too much above average. However, it was the way he used that body of his, that disarmed her (nearly literally; if she was gawking at his behind, thinking all enemies were down - turning out they weren't). He was surprisingly agile, for his many injuries and age. His strong blows at close combat were nearly as strong as that of Krogan, and the almost surgical work with his rifle was mightily impressive.

"Cat got your tongue, Shepard?" It was rarely anyone managed to render the mighty savior of the galaxy speechless. And he thoroughly enjoyed it, among other things.

"Zaeed, what are you doing?" Shepard wanted to sound admonishing and unshakable, but her rugged voice, dilated pupils, and accelerated breathing were all the signs Zaeed needed to pursue his pray.

"Thought I might give you a hand," with a devilish smirk, he leaned into Shepard, who narrowed her eyes, and parted her lips, waiting for the kiss. Instead, Zaeed's hand leaned against the wall behind her, where the button controlling the shower was placed, and water started spraying down on them. Sheppard gave a startled jump, as the water hit her, her hands clutching around Zaeed's back, as if she could hide her now uncovered body from his sight.

Zaeed put his left arm around her waist, while the other moved to her back, starting to make light strokes between her shoulder blades. Shepard allowed her body to relax, pushing away the voice that told her this was a bad idea, and laid her head onto his shoulder, breathing in his scent. His body was still slightly sticky from the slime they encountered that day (which was most likely the reason why he was there in the first place), but she could clearly recognize the heady mix of sweat, leather and gunfire, with a hint of blood, emanating from his skin.

Surprisingly enough, he really was helping her get rid of the suds, but she couldn't care less in that moment. Lifting her head to look into his eyes, she could see the arousal mirrored from her own.

"Enjoying your scrub, are you?"

"Shut up, and kiss me, you goddamn hero."

Zaeed didn't need to be told twice. In a blink, Shepard's body was pressed against the wall while his mouth ravaged hers. She moaned into the kiss, as his skilled tongue darter in between her lips. His taste was just as intoxicating as his scent, and she returned his advance with unrestrained passion. At last, all her common sense flew out of the window.

They feverishly battled for power, and one of Shepard's hands grasped the waistband of his underpants, tugging them down. Zaeed complied, and stepped out of them, never leaving her mouth. His fingers encircled her waist and pushed her into him. Shepard gasped as she could feel his straining hardness against her belly. There was certainly nothing small about this mercenary.

Zaeed grinned after her reaction and moved his mouth down her jaw to suck on her throat, while his tattooed hand traveled into her soft curls. An approving growl resounded from his chest, as he met with her wetness, which was not at all caused by the running water. His thumb began making slow circles around her clit, and his other fingers kept sliding between her folds, making Shapard's breathing erratic. She bit into his shoulder hardly, to keep herself from crying out, as he inserted two fingers into her. She felt like she would come undone any second from the pleasure he was giving her. His lips were now latched onto her earlobe, and his free hand massaged her breast, while his right one continued to stoke her with increasing pace.

Suddenly, Shepard grabbed the hand between her legs, pushing him away slightly. Zaeed gave her a what-the-hell expression, not liking the thought of her walking out on him.

Through heavy lidded eyes, she willed the strained words out of her mouth, "want you, now."

"As you wish, Commander," his smug reply was accentuated by his body coming flush with hers. Zaeed reclaimed her mouth, and his right hand came to the back if her thigh, which she promptly lifted, and locked behind his back, swiftly followed by her other leg. She could feel his length pressing to her core, and her loud moan traveled from her mouth into his, making his body tremble, and his hands grip her ass tightly. Without much delay, Zaeed positioned the tip of his shaft to her opening and slammed into her forcefully and all the way in. Their muffled moans resounded through the bathroom, and Zaeed had to stop for a moment, so she could accommodate to his size and him to her tightness.

"Bloody hell, you're one hell of a tight bitch, Shepard," the merc voiced his thoughts. Shepard couldn't help but gave out a laugh, which sounded more like a strangled cry. The sound ran shivers down his spine, and he started pumping into her slowly. With each thrust, his pace increased a notch, her moans and his grunts growing louder. He adjusted his hold on her body, which gave him a new angle. Shepard cried out, and hit her head against the tiles of the shower, arching into him. His moves grew erratic, as he began pounding into her with renewed force, fueled on by her moans after each thrust. It didn't take long for her body to start trembling, and she dug the heels of her legs into his back almost painfully, crying out his name as she came, waves of pleasure flowing through her body. Her walls contracted around him, and with one more forceful thrust, he buried his face into her neck, groaning as he jerked out his load into her sheath.

They stayed pressed against the wall until their breathing evened. Shepard subconsciously drew small circles on Zaeeds back, over the nail marks she had caused moments ago. After feeling stable enough, he slid out of her and let her feet touch the ground. Her palms traveled over his shoulders to his chest, and regretfully away from his body.

Zaeed was first to interrupt the silence by stating, "one hell of a ride, don't you think?" Shepard blushed uncharacteristically, but nodded her head. She moved to pick his underpants from the floor (he must have left his armor down in cargo board), all the while being followed by his intense gaze. Without turning to him, she pulled them on, at least partially covering herself and walked to the door. Zaeed was too busy watching her swaying hips and the uncovered upper body parts to try and stop her.

Unlocking the bathroom door, Shepard turned on her heels, her arms poised at her waist, biting her lower lip lightly. "You may come for your underwear to my cabin later," she grinned devilishly, before the door closed after her, leaving Zaeed with one goddamn smug smirk on his face behind.

Meanwhile in the cockpit:

"Commander really doesn't seem to be so stressed anymore, Jeff."

"See, I told you so, you did the right thing. Now give me a few copies of that tape."

A/N: Thoughts? And if you like Zaeed, I would really love to see more fanfics with him. Because there's never enough ff with this fabulous bad-ass. ;)