I knew from the beginning what I was signing up for. I was never delusional. I never expected more than I knew I would get.
I knew about his reputation. And it was certainly something he would never stop. I did my best to not care.
I knew about the flirting. The not so casual words passed between him and everyone else. I recognized that it was a part of his time.
I knew about the one night stands. The hurtful rejection of him choosing the bed of another, instead of mine.
I knew that I could never stand in comparison to his past. I was not special, or talented. I was not powerful, or clever.
I knew he had better options than me, options that he sometimes took when he became bored.
I knew that he kept secrets. He kept secrets of life and death, of the past and future, of Earth and beyond.
I knew his feeling about us. He didn't like to tell other people about us. He was fine with casual flirting with strangers, but he would never acknowledge anything about me.
I knew I didn't hold his heart. He had given that to Gwen.
I knew he could never love me like he loved her.
I knew he could never look at me the way he looked at her.
I knew I'd never be as good as her.
I knew I'd never be as attractive as her.
I knew that no matter how hard I tried, he would never think of me like he thinks of her.
I knew that one day, he would forget me.
I knew all of that from the very beginning, and even then I knew that it didn't matter.
Because even then, I knew that I loved him.
I knew that I loved Jack Harkness, and I always would.
A/N: Ianto's reflection on his relationship with Jack Harkness. Sorry, guess I just felt really angst-y today!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Torchwood, though I am happy about that after watching season 4. *Shiver!*