If Only...
Disclaimer: I do not own Beyblade, and unfortunately, that means I don't own Kai.
Anyways, this is just a very weird one-shot on a totally unoriginal idea: Kai's thoughts about being alone. This is right after the World Championships in Russia, but before V Force.
~~Kai's POV~~
Alone. If only I were not so alone... I didn't give much thought to it before. Before. Before I joined the Bladebreakers. I never needed anyone else. If only I had been born that way... But the truth is, I was once a kid, just like you, innocent and pure...
~~Flashback, Normal POV~~
"Grandpa, I don't wanna train!" It was a plea, almost a whine.
"You will train," he hissed. "You will train until your miserable excuse for a body can train no more."
The small boy sitting on the cold grey floor broke into tears.
"Shut up, boy. Only weaklings cry. You will not cry." His face softened for a brief moment. "You're not a weakling. One day, you will collect all the bit-beasts and bring them to me as repayment for me taking you in, and feeding you." His face hardened again. "Though you certainly do not deserve it. Hear me, boy, you are lucky that I decided to take you in... What do you say?!?"
"Yes, Grandfather. Thank you, Grandfather." Voltaire glared at him and the boy stood up with a frown and started training.
Voltaire turned to leave. It was almost a whisper. "Grandfather...?"
He turned around to face the young boy. "I... love you..."
There was a short flicker in his eyes, then he simply nodded and walked away. The boy frowned deeply, rubbing away his bitter tears.
~~Kai's POV, Present~~
Ha. I love you. What a joke. He used me... I was just a tool to use and toss away. Never again, I thought. If only I had not been so innocent, not so easy to exploit... Never would I be vulnerable again. But I was wrong.
When I was just a kid in Russia, I admit there were moments when I felt like I couldn't take it any more. I just couldn't take another day... My heart was wide and open back then, and I was just an innocent boy. At first, living with Grandfather just made me hurt, but slowly, over the years, I toughened up. If only I had known I was playing into his hands...
When it started, it was just a thin layer of frost, quickly brushed away, easily melted. But soon, Grandfather became more strict. He hardly ever let me sleep. Sometimes I would just fall asleep during training. He would give me a hard slap... and I'd get up and keep going. Before long, not even the bitter cold of Russia compared to my heart, completely frozen. I lost childhood and innocence in there. Someone might have grown little in a year, but I grew about 2 or 3 years inside for every year I was locked up in that abbey. I grew up too fast, that's all that matters. If only I could have another chance at life...
After the whole Black Dranzer incident, I just took off. I didn't know where to go, but I saved up money over the years. One day, I just caught a flight to Japan, bought my own place. Oh, my parents left me a fortune... in exchange for my childhood. If only... If only they had lived, I would not have turned out this way...
Almost as soon as I had settled in Japan, I started blading again, but not trying to kill myself doing it. I easily defeated some guys that were called the "Blade Sharks." They were hesitant as first, but soon accepted me as the best blader around, their leader. The years flew by. If only I had lived the days to the fullest...
When I first met Tyson, he was just an obstacle, a kid that had finally shown Carlos up. By my first impression, I found him self-confident, arrogant, determined, and in way over his head. I still think that... but I know now there's more to him. He's loyal and a great friend. I've never told him directly because he'd take it the wrong way and just brag "Oh, Kai said I was THE GREATEST!!" If only he knew...
After the Bladebreakers officially became a team, I kept my distance. I didn't need friends. I didn't need anybody. There were just my key to get the bit-beasts, to show how great a blader I was. Of course, after a while, I grew closer several times, then shook my head and stayed distant. I would not leave myself vulnerable again. If only I knew the mistake I was making...
Of course, I had never thought all of it would lead me straight back to Russia. So there I was, the traitor, the one who never took his eyes off the goal and crushed all obstacles. And that was my problem. I had been so blind to the friendship that had been offered to me by all my team-mates... until it became a life-or-death matter. Frozen to a chunk of ice that was quickly sinking, my team saved me, despite everything I had said and done. If only I had figured it out earlier...
I realised afterward that friendship wasn't leaving yourself unprotected. It made you stronger. It was a purpose, something to fight for, something that was... indescribable by words. If only I had known... they had been there for me the whole time, and I might still seem a little cold to them, but... they understand. It takes time. I need to heal. Both to have their support, yet be alone.
I never knew. Don't make that mistake. There are people who are offering you friendship. And if you need to heal, and if they are true friends, they will understand. They will give you time. They will wait patiently, knowing one day you will be a friend to them. Those people will give you support, time, and space to heal. They will not rush you. They will not pressure you. They will understand.
If only I was granted another chance at life...
If only I had known from the beginning...
If only my parents had lived...
If only I had not been so cold...
If only I had not grown up so fast...
If only...
If only life was not so short and twisted....
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Okies!! That's it, peoples!! Please review!! I don't even care if you flame... one day you will think back, and you'll be sorry... Maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but some day...