Fragile Attachments
~FawkesRises
Disclaimer: Don't own the boys…just playing with 'em
AN: I had to post this before tonite's eppy-it's an alternate ending to The Outsider. I hadn't intended this to go O.C. and there was supposed to be some *cough*sex*cough* involved, but you never know how these things will turn out. You might need some tissues though…
To the Tune Of: "Hello" –Evanescence
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though he never taught
how to let your heart
get buried
alive
from "Buried Alive" -Ralph Fletcher
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Ryan and Seth had driven home from the hospital in silence. Once or twice Seth almost said something, but somehow the words never got past his throat.
Once at the house, Ryan headed straight for the pool house. Seth was going to follow him, but decided maybe he should give Ryan some time to think about stuff. So he headed up to his room, careful not to wake his parents. He would have to deal with them soon enough.
Seth had just pulled on a t-shirt and boxers when he noticed the pool house light through his window.
Ryan…
Seth decided that he wasn't going to wait until morning to talk to him.
He crept downstairs, wincing at every creak of the floor.
As soon as he was outside, Seth practically ran around the pool to the glass door of the pool house. He didn't bother knocking-just went straight in.
To find Ryan still in his clothes and packing his backpack.
"Ryan?"
Ryan didn't bother to jump at his name. He slowly turned to face Seth, a million emotions flashing across his eyes.
"Ryan…what are you doing? Are you doing what I think you're doing? Because if you are……"
"Seth," Ryan interrupted "I can't stay." He took a deep breath. "Tonight was way too close. It could've been you that got shot. And I can't let that happen—ever. I don't belong here, I belong in a place like Chino. Where I can't hurt people, where I can't hurt…you."
Seth felt like the pool house had suddenly gotten way too small. He felt like he could barely get enough air to breathe, let alone say anything. "You can stay here. You have to! Remember-we have to stick together" he said. Seth knew how pathetic he sounded. But he couldn't let Ryan just walk out of his life.
Ryan suddenly felt very fragile, like he might break if Seth breathed wrong. He walked over to Seth and gave him a hug, one a whole lot less awkward than the first they'd shared. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispered.
"You already have." Seth hadn't meant to sound as accusing as he did, but the pain slipped past all his defenses. He could feel his eyes burning. "I'm sorry…" he began.
"Shhh…" Ryan's fingers gently brushed Seth's mouth. His touch was so light, it was barely a touch at all. Seth shivered.
Then Ryan's hands were gently cupping Seth's face. Their lips met and Seth felt all Ryan's sadness seep through his mouth. What Ryan couldn't say in words, Seth now understood.
And Seth knew that this was the kiss he would remember. The one all other kisses he might have would be compared to and would never be able to measure up.
He felt Ryan's touch glide down his arms and then felt a warm pressure as Ryan's hands covered his own.
Ryan whispered "Love you" into his neck.
And then Ryan was gone. Leaving Seth with a fading warmth in his hands and a Chino shaped hole in his heart.