Litanya: No comment for this fic, other than that I do not own Digimon and I never, ever will.
Failure in Love
She did not know what to do. Her mother was out at some function for the flower shop, trying to get as many customers as possible. Although the Takenouchi family did not like to admit it, they were having huge financial difficulties. Sora, being seventeen, had been her mother's confident about how bad things really were. But the financial problems that her family was going through were not constantly on her mind. She was having problems of her own. She was not exactly sure what they were, but she knew that she had been having them for a long time. She logged onto her msn and checked who was on her friends list. Only her friend Mimi was online.
PinkPrincess says:
Hey Sora, what's up?
Soccergirl65 says:
Hey Mimi, nothing much, what about you?
They continued with meaningless chatter for the next hour before Mimi had to go. She had a date with her boyfriend Joe. Sora sighed as she logged out of msn and started up her Sims 2 game. She did not know why she was so obsessed with it. She had recently made a Sim version of herself and she found that her Sim life was much better than her life in reality. In her Sims life she had about seven best friends and a wonderful husband and two gorgeous children. That was her Sim life of course. In reality, she was only seventeen year old Sora whose probability of getting a boyfriend was as low as the probability of the Pope proclaiming he was gay.
'I have GOT to snap out of this! What the hell is wrong with me?' she shouted to herself inside her head, 'I'm supposed to be cool, calm and collected. A little anti-social now and then but I'm getting better with that. I have a great mother, even if she can complain non-stop for 72 hours, and I have great friends, go to an excellent school, have good grades and am most likely to get where I want in life. So if that's the case, why the hell do I feel as though… as though nothing is worth it?' She hit her head with the palm of her hand before she quit out of the Sims. Although she loved the game, she felt that she needed to face reality for a while.
She signed back into msn and went to her favourite music website. The site counted down the top 40 songs in Japan, but at the moment it was doing the best 40 songs from 2004. She clicked on a depressing song and sung along to it loudly, knowing that no one would hear her. She was, after all, alone. After about half an hour, another person logged onto her msn. It was her best male friend, Tai.
Soccerismylife says:
Hi Sora how's life?
Soccergirl65 says:
Good thanks, how about with you? Have you found your new girlfriend yet?
To her surprise, Sora was hoping that he would say no. She was hoping that he would say 'no Sora, I haven't exactly found a new girlfriend yet because I have been in love with you since I met you,' but she knew that wasn't going to happen. Tai wasn't that romantic and he definitely was not interested in her.
Soccerismylife says:
No, not yet. I have a couple of possibilities though. I could have gotten myself a French girl.
Soccergirl65 says:
Then why didn't you?
Soccerismylife says:
She lives in France.
Soccergirl65 says:
Oh.
Soccerismylife says:
I gave up on your friend Melissa because you seemed angry when I asked about her.
Soccergirl65 says:
Oh, don't mind that. I was angry at something you wouldn't understand. Never mind about that.
Soccerismylife says:
It's forgotten
Sora was about to say something else, but Tai's status suddenly changed to be offline. She was offended, but then she remembered that his internet connection was dodgy at best and she couldn't blame him. If it had been anyone else, she would have been angry and would have sworn and ranted about it for an hour. But because it was Tai, she would let him off the hook. It had taken her years to find out why. Somewhere, somehow, she had fallen in love with her sometimes irritating best friend. And how she hated the idea. Her mother always complained about how Tai was going nowhere and yet he would earn a lot of money because he was who he was. She would tell Sora that she felt sorry for any girl that ended up with Tai, because she thought he was an arrogant bastard. And Sora agreed. The problem was that she loved him. She did not know how or why it was happening to her, but it was.
'No Sora, you are just so desperate to be in love with someone, to love someone, that your mind is playing games with you. You know that Tai is single at the moment and so you have turned your hopes on him. You know he's not afraid to ask girls out and so your mind has tricked your heart into thinking that it loves him. All you really want is a boyfriend. You're pathetic, really you are,' she was so confused. Tears formed in her eyes, though she had no idea why. It seemed that she had no idea why she was doing anything these days. One day she had turned her msn name to something dark, but no one had noticed, no one had said a word. She wondered what it would feel like to get a knife and cut her arm. She wasn't suicidal, she thought that suicide was the stupidest thing a person could do. She just wanted to know what the pain would feel like. And those thoughts scared her the most.
'Hey, wouldn't it be cool if you did cut your arm? I mean, just to see if you have the guts to do something like that. You know… you are being pretty cowardly. If you love him so much, then why don't you ask him out? Why don't you talk to him more often? Why don't you even try to make it seem like you're interested in him? You're pathetic, a failure, when it comes to love. You don't even know what love is. I bet that you wouldn't even care if you found out that your mother had been killed. Why? Because you don't know how to love her, and she's your own mother. You just want attention and you're turning that addiction into feelings that you don't even have. Face it, you should just crawl somewhere and stay there for a while, because all you're doing now is crying and complaining. You make me sick,' the voice that was telling her all of this was her own. She was thinking about herself in the third person. She supposed that it was quite normal, but at the same time it hurt her deeply. She screamed in frustration and turned off her computer. Without even changing or checking that everything that needed to be done was done, she hopped into bed. She turned off all of the lights and threw the bed clothes over head. There she lay for many hours, crying to herself over the love she didn't know if she had, for a boy that she didn't even know well anymore.
"You're right," she whispered to the voice, "I am a failure when it comes to love." She closed her eyes and fell asleep, with these words repeating over and over in her head.
The End
Litanya: I don't know whether this is the end of the fic or just this section. To tell you the truth, I really don't give a shit. I am in a really bad mood and I don't really care about anything at the moment. Review if you like, and I am really sorry if I have offended anyone. My family just does this to me at times. Tell me if you want another chapter, I have a feeling that I can make this into a happy fic after this angsty little piece. Anyway, I am sorry again for being an angry bitch. And I am also sorry for swearing several times.