Quite honestly I am a sucker for soulmate aus and even more for soulmate aus with angst. This is one-sided Shizaya so if that's not your cup of tea, just heads up. The soulmate au this follows is the one where you have the first words your soulmate says to you inked somewhere upon your person. There is implied self-mutilation and implied self-mutilation attempts, so if that's triggering to you, tread with caution.

Please enjoy~!

Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!

"I Don't Like You"

Some people are born with tattoos that show the first words that their soulmate says to them. On some, these tattoos appear later in life. Most people believe them to be a blessing. Orihara Izaya considers it a curse.

It was mocking him. The words, inked beautifully in a spiral up his forearm, mocked him every time he laid his eyes on them. Underneath the words was a scar, spiraling in an identical manner directly under the midsection of the words. The scar was his fault, cut in moment of weakness, a moment of despair, several years ago. Stupidity on his part, desperation, an attempt at marring the mocking tattoo. Yet, clear as day, the attempt hadn't succeeded, and the words were as intact as ever.

Soulmate tattoos weren't that common, but they were on the rise. Children born with them were increasing numbers, and there were reports of adults waking up one day and finding the tattoo somewhere upon their person. Tattoos that were said to help one meet the person who was "the other half of their soul".

These tattoos were the word or phrase that one's soulmate would first say to them – whether it was "Hello" or "Pardon me", or something as general or asinine differed from human to human. They appeared anywhere on the person's body, ranging from anywhere as private as the back of the ear to as public as the palm of a hand. Experts said that while some phrases were broad, it was "good to pursue the opportunity!" and to "inquire if the person has one of their own" as to see if the interaction lined up with the tattoos.

Of course, this was all extremely difficult, as while some of the populace had soulmate tattoos, not everyone did. That being said, it was extremely possible for one to have their first interaction with their soulmate and deduce it from their tattoo, but their soulmate know nothing because they themselves don't have a tattoo of their own. It was an interesting concept to consider - would the person with the tattoo pursue the relationship, and would the one without it reciprocate? Or would they be rejected by the one who was supposed to be "the other half of their soul"? Or, even more tragically, would they just not pursue the relationship because they believed they wouldn't be accepted?

"I think you are too concerned about this topic, especially from one who considers his one true love humanity," Was what Namie had said, when Izaya had posed the question to her. "What, is this all for one of your clients?"

"Who knows?" Izaya had blithely shrugged, before teasing, "Ne, Namie, do you have a soulmate tattoo?"

"Of course not," She had sniffed, as if her employer's words offended, predicting the next line and adding, "And neither does Seiji-kun."

The conversation had continued into Izaya making remarks on Namie's unnatural love for her brother, before Namie dismissed herself for the day. As she left, she had made no comments to Izaya about whether or not he had a tattoo of his own. Izaya didn't mind, as he hadn't been too keen on sharing that information regardless if Namie had inquired or not.

Out of the people he knew, Izaya was the only one who was damned with the tattoo. It was his generation that the marks had started appearing one, and he was one of the ones unfortunate enough to be born with the tattoo on his body. His sisters didn't have the tattoo, and neither did Shinra. Which, Izaya knew, suited Shinra just fine. After all, his one true love was Celty he always declared, and him not having the tattoo just proved his love for her.

Izaya idly wondered if it was possible for Dullahan's to have soulmate tattoos, or if it was a strictly human thing, not applicable to monsters.

But speaking of monsters, that did remind Izaya that the protozoan didn't have a soulmate tattoo either. It probably meant that monsters didn't deserve soulmates. Which suited Izaya just fine, he told himself. A beast like Shizu-chan didn't deserve to have someone who loved him, and besides, who would love someone like him? With brute strength like his, he would snap almost anyone who was destined to be his soulmate in half.

Well, if he could lay a hand on them.

His own tattoo branded him on his forearm, and was the reason why Izaya wore long sleeves as often as he could. When he couldn't, he painstakingly covered the sentence with the makeup kept in his bathroom, acquired for that purpose among others. Izaya never could stand the inquiries and the pitying looks he received when people saw the words forever staining his skin.

"Wow, that really sucks for you!" Shinra had had the gall to laugh at him the first time he saw the words. "But then again, considering your personality, it isn't too surprising, is it Orihara-kun?"

"Just stitch up my arm," Had been Izaya's annoyed response, and before ignoring Shinra's further probing questions on whether or not he had met the unlucky person who had the misfortune of being chosen as his soulmate.

(He had.)

He had tried several times in getting rid of this brand of his. Slicing up the words – not his smartest idea, 16 and desperate to not have a reminder like that following him around – to burning them – 17, he hadn't gotten a chance to put the lighter to his skin before Shizuo had caught up to him, reclaiming the lighter Izaya had stolen from him ("Shizu-chan shouldn't be smoking anyways, I'm doing him a favor!") – to an aborted attempt at flaying his own skin off – 20, interrupted by Shinra, and culminating in a strict lecture on his physical and mental well-being. Nothing could get rid of them, and Izaya was certain that even if he chopped off his own arm the words would just reappear somewhere else on his body.

An eternal reminder of something he could have had, should have had, and didn't. Begging the question of which was he - the one who pursued his soulmate and was rejected, or the one who didn't pursue it because it was doomed to not come to fruition? Idealistically – naively – he told himself, lied to himself, that he was the second one. He didn't pursue it because it was doomed to failure. After all, he was Orihara Izaya! He loved all of humanity equally, so how could he ever be forced to show that love to just one human? It was unthinkable!

Still…

"Ne, Shizu-chan," Izaya spoke to an empty bathroom, an empty apartment, arm raised in front of him as he lazed in the bath, a frown deeply set on his features. "If you're undeserving of a soulmate because you're a monster, what does that say about me?" The one cursed with these damning words since birth, cursed with the knowledge that of course even his soulmate wouldn't actually love him, not when inscribed on his skin were the words –

He twisted his arm mournfully tracing the sentence for what could possibly be the thousandth time that hour, not sure of the answer to his own question, not sure what he wanted it to be.

– "I don't like you."

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