Just needed to write and post this for all you post-finale people
MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD, DON'T CONTINUE IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE EPISODE
Bellamy stood at the gates, watching all his people finally return home. It had been a long battle, and like all battles, had multiple casualties. But Bellamy hated that word, "casualties," because it seemed meaningless. Every single person who fought and died for the battle against Mount Weather was a hero, not some meaningless sacrifice. Both him and Clarke had risked so much for this freedom and the reunions, but they weren't the only ones left with some scars.
Abby was being pulled on a stretcher with Kane by her side. She had on the same tough face her daughter seemed to wear everyday, through any situation. Her leg was injured from the horrible bone marrow extractions, but she was alive, and that's what mattered. Kane followed her into camp, shouting at the guards to get her to the med bay and help her immediately, without leaving her side.
Wick carried Raven, who was in the same, or possibly worse, condition. Raven's eyes were hollow and pained, but, like all the girls here at camp, braved it out with a strong face. She looked like she needed rest, and definitely not to be alone, so he was glad she had Wick. After Finn's death, she needed someone who would take care of her and look after her, even if she thought she could do that all by herself.
Jasper was a different story. He walked like he was being dragged by an invisible force, carrying the gun like it wasn't even there. His eyes were more hollow and empty than Raven's, and he knew that look. He'd seen it many times before over the course of his life. It was the look of someone who lost their love. And it killed Bellamy to know he- and Clarke- was the one to pull the lever to take Jasper's happiness away.
Guilt was becoming Bellamy's best friend. It was always there, everywhere he went. Weighing down his steps, making him rethink everything he'd ever done, and making him doubt himself and loathe himself more than a person should.
It tugged at his heart when Raven stopped Jasper to give him the goggles. The goggles were a symbol of the ignorant, naive, and innocent kids they had all been when they first arrived on the ground. Back when their greatest threat was finding food or people getting pregnant. Those goggles had helped Finn and Clarke track Jasper when the Grounders took him. And Jasper took them without truly registering them.
More guilt to add to the already-full bin in Bellamy's heart.
He looked outside of the gate, knowing he'd find her there. She was comforting Monty, giving him reassuring words and one of her warm, comforting hugs Jasper seemed to love... before. Now, he wasn't so sure Jasper would ever look at either of them again. Monty was in his sweater, walking away from Clarke with his head hung low. His best friend was beyond upset with him, and they had just won a very costly war.
Bellamy walked over to her, watching Monty as he walked into Camp Jaha, leaving only one very important girl outside. She watched him approach, her face trying so hard to remain strong. Bellamy knew he needed to lighten her mood, get her mind off all this war stuff.
"So I think we deserve a drink." He said, standing beside her, looking into the camp.
"Have one for me." She said, and he could tell she didn't even look at him. There was a large pause, and Bellamy's head started forming ideas of where this conversation was headed.
"We'll get through this." He said, still watching their people in the camp, reuniting with loved ones, but all the while still an overall melancholy feel to the air.
Clarke sighed, trying to muster up the courage to speak her mind. "I'm not going in." She finally said.
"Clarke," Bellamy said quietly. He couldn't let her leave, not after everything they'd done together, all they'd accomplished. "Look if you need forgiveness..." He paused, recalling the words she had said to him that night Dax had tried to kill him, when he thought he would leave camp because he was a monster. "I'll give that to you. You're forgiven."
He stared at her, pleading with her to understand. She looked away, back at the camp.
"Please come inside." He whispered, not taking his eyes off her.
"Take care of them for me." She said as she turned back to face him again.
"Clarke-" He started, shaking his head, not willing to let her go. Just like she didn't let him go. But she cut him off.
"I'm not seeing their faces everyday." Her voice was beginning to break, her strong facade crumbling. "It's just going to remind me of what I did to get them here."
"What we did!" Bellamy was practically begging her by now. "You don't have to do this alone."
She looked back, trying to fight back her tears. Bellamy was doing the same thing, struggling to keep hold of his now crumbling reality.
"I bear it," She took a deep breath, her strong, leader facade coming back up. "So they don't have to."
Bellamy felt the sting of her words, because they were Dante's words. She was cracking under the pressure of her guilt, and no one knew that better than Bellamy. But because of her, because of Clarke, he was able to bear it and face the world again. His face softened, a million arguments ready to spring from his lips, but they all fell dead.
"Where are you gonna go?" He asked, hoping she'd go somewhere he could talk her out of. The whole time, his brown eyes pleaded with her green ones.
"I don't know." Clarke's face softened and the facade was once more crumbling down. There was a very long pause where he just stared back and forth between her eyes and the ground that now seemed like a traitor. Something that had once intrigued him was now constantly tearing his world apart.
Suddenly, Clarke crossed the distance between them and leaned up to kiss his cheek. Her lips were warm there, and he wasn't shocked at how good they felt there. But after a second, she pulled away and wrapped him in one of her warm hugs, and he didn't even hesitate this time to wrap his arms around her as well. He could feel her tears on the fabric of his shirt, and he was pretty sure Clarke would be feeling the same soon.
Clarke took a struggling breath in an attempt to calm her emotions enough to speak. Bellamy could feel her sorrow like it was his own, and it crushed him.
"May we meet again." She whispered, voice breaking. And with that she squeezed him tighter one last time, and pulled away. Their eyes met one last time, Bellamy's clouded with tears, before Clarke turned and began walking away.
Bellamy watched her as she began to walk away. He thought about how he could possibly be in charge without her. She was the logic to his actions, the good to his bad, the brain to his heart. He would have led the 100 down a very dangerous path without her. He saved her, and she saved him. They led together, even if they bantered a bit, they had a connection that was hard to break. They would just have to share one look and they understood each other perfectly.
When they had gone on that day trip, they had made that connection even more unbreakable. She saw him at his weakest, and he didn't hate her for it, nor did he avoid her for seeing him like that. She could've just left him there, or let him run off, but instead she came back for him and begged him to stay. When he had taught her how to fire the gun; when he placed his hand on her shoulder and over her other hand, the electricity and warmth that went through him was undeniable. He knew he had some feelings for her then, but didn't really understand them.
And then when Murphy came back and he came rushing in to the drop ship, seeing Clarke there, telling him to stay back. His mind had raced and his anger had flared. He demanded to know if Murphy had done something to her, because he couldn't stand the thought that she'd be hurt, especially by Murphy- even if he's been pardoned now.
When Clarke was sick, so many threats were there. Clarke's life was threatened by diseases, grounders, and sacred teenagers with guns. Bellamy had loved hitting that one boy in the face with his own gun for pointing it at Clarke, especially when she was that weak. Even though he had been mad at her for letting Octavia sneak out, it worked out in the end, but he was never mad at her enough to let her die.
But Bellamy knew he was in too deep when he came back to camp to be ambushed by a blond running at him so fast, that when she embraced him, she nearly knocked him over. He didn't know who it was at first, but when he realized who it was, he was in such shock it took him a moment to wrap his arms around her and hug her as tightly as she clung to him. When they finally separated after a few minutes, he could tell she was crying from happiness, and had missed him, plus was terrified at the thought of him being dead.
When Gustas was poisoned, Bellamy didn't even think, he just jumped in front of Kane to knock the glass from Clarke's hand. He couldn't lose her, not then, not ever. After they realized it was poison, they didn't hesitate to get in battle stances and be ready to kill. It was with that same quickness that Bellamy had jumped in front of Clarke, shielding her with his body, because it just made sense. Protecting her, making sure she was safe, it was instinct, just like with Octavia. He had never felt that way about anyone, and he never let anyone in, so losing one of the only two people who knew the real Bellamy Blake was too much for him to bear.
But when she had told him that she couldn't lose him, his heart nearly burst. He knew they were in the same boat. They had both lost so many people, and that they couldn't lose the only person keeping each other sane. That's one of the reasons it hurt so much when she told him that she was being weak before, that it was worth the risk. Lexa had brainwashed her into thinking love was weakness, when Bellamy knew it was a strength, but he didn't know how to convince Clarke after everything. So he just gave her a fleeting look before going along with it. He nearly got killed in the process, but when that radio first answered with her voice, Bellamy nearly swore in relief. He should've been mad at her for what she said, but all he could think about was her voice, and the relief that was blatantly obvious in her voice as well. She had said "Bellamy, you came through. I knew you would," and he knew that was her version of telling him she was sorry, and that he really did mean something to her. After all, she had trusted him to make it back and take down Mount Weather from the inside.
So, time stopped in Bellamy's world, staring at Clarke's back, frozen in her spot walking from camp- possibly forever.
Clarke's pain, loss and guilt was too much for her. She lost her father, her best friend, hated her mom for a while, had to kill her first love, had a lot of her people killed trying to win and unwinnable war, and now had well over 100 lives of blood on her hands. She may be strong, but no one was that strong. She had lost so much, all while trying to keep hope of having a happy ending, even if it wasn't for her. But that damn mountain seemed to crush her last remaining hope, and the last thing she had keeping her here. It was because she had crossed her line, and now she didn't want to live with the consequences around others.
No. Bellamy thought, as time started to slowly return to normal.
"Clarke!" Bellamy called as he ran towards her.
"Bellamy, please-" Clarke whispered, defeated, as she turned around.
"No, you listen to me. I know you lost a lot, you crossed your line, and you have a ton of guilt. So what? You're not the only one. Your mother, Kane, Jaha, me! We all have crossed our line, but maybe we shouldn't draw so many. Clarke, I have mounds of guilt as well, but do you want to know how I deal with it?" He gazed deep into her eyes.
"How?" Her voice was barely a whisper.
"You." He let that sink in for a moment, taking her expression in as she processed it. First confusion, then shock, then disbelief. "Yes, you, Clarke Griffin. You are one of the strongest people on this entire planet. You remember what you did when Dax almost killed me? You came back for me, and do you know what you told me when I wanted to leave anyway?"
"I needed you." She was crying, looking down at her feet so her voice was barely audible.
"That's right, Princess." He brought back her old nickname, hoping to spark some understanding. "You needed me. You needed me. You, the girl who is so strong she doesn't need anyone, the girl who looks out for everyone and helps everyone. But that's just a facade. You saw the real me, and you know I know the real you. You are a strong, brave, and selfless person. You bear everyone's weight, then you try to add your own and refuse anyone's help to ease that guilt. If you keep denying everyone'e help, that guilt will eat you alive. Clarke, you needed me, but now I need you. I could never have gotten anywhere without you. For God's sake, you were the one who got me pardoned! I'm alive because of you!" He begged her to grasp his meaning, still nervous to even tell her the truth.
"But I put your life in danger! Multiple times! You almost died, multiple times! Because of me." She gasped out, rubbing her tears away with force.
"And if our roles were reversed, you know I'd have made the same decisions. You know why? There were no. Other. Options." He raised his voice a little more.
"There's always another option!" She cried weakly back.
"Doesn't mean it was a better one! Please, Clarke! Understand that this isn't just your burden to bear! I have guilt! I lost people, so did everyone in this camp! I don't think a single person escaped without a scar, emotional or physical. And that's Cage's fault, not yours. Not mine either. We did the best we could. Clarke," He whispered, bringing her chin up with his first two fingers. "You did good here. Now keep doing good, don't let this camp go to ruin because you didn't want to share your guilt. Let me help you, and we can figure this out together. We will get through this together."
She just closed her eyes, tears cascading down violently. When she finally opened her eyes, they searched his face desperately, looking for some reassurance that he could do as he said.
"Come on, Princess. You know I can come through. Trust me." He whispered the last part as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. She didn't even put up a fight as she laid her head in the crook of his neck and cried. He held her sobbing form closer, suddenly very possessive, and he never wanted her to leave his side again. After that thought, Bellamy thought he should probably tell Clarke the truth.
"Clarke," He whispered into her hair he hadn't even realized he was stroking after a while. She was still sobbing, but when he spoke, they lessened. "Clarke, I want you to stay. Hell, I need you to stay. Because if you leave, you become a deserter to all the kids who look up to you. All those kids will really need you right now. And I know, I need you most of all, because you're the only thing keeping me sane right now. If you leave, I won't be able to take care of them like you want. I just-"
Clarke cut him off by bringing her lips to his. She clung to his shirt desperately, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, making sure she knew he wasn't going to go down without a fight. Her lips were warm, and he could taste her tears. He was glad to notice her tears had finally stopped.
Bellamy waited for Clarke to pull away, which she did, eventually. After what seemed like 5 good minutes that took him from this hellhole of a reality and brought him to the Earth he read about, the one where everything was nice and like a fairytale.
When she pulled away, she didn't loosen her grasp. She was breathing heavily, working up the courage to say something again. Bellamy was doing the same, and apparently, their connection was working again, because they both blurted out the same phrase at the same time.
"I love you!"
They both stopped for a moment, taking in the other's expression, measuring the reactions. Bellamy smiled first, and brought his lips back down to Clarke's. He savored any moment with her, because she tasted like joy, and joy tasted better on Earth.
When she pulled away for a second time, both were panting to catch their breaths. But Bellamy managed to speak enough to get his point across.
"You- You are not leaving me. I lose everyone I care about but Octavia, and I can't even think about what it would be like to lose you, so-"
"Bellamy. I'm staying." She whispered. Her face was still showing all the pain and guilt, but her eyes had a some of that Griffin fire he missed.
"You are?" Bellamy asked cautiously, afraid to have heard her wrong.
"Yes, now walk with me inside before I change my mind." She replied, already walking toward the gates.
"Anything for you, Princess." He commented, smiling slightly, and walking in to camp side by side with Clarke. Whatever happened in the future, they'd face it together, because that's what they did.