My dream

"Loving you made my life difficult but not loving you would make it a disaster…"

I'm Stephanie and I live in Phoenix in the beautiful state of Arizona. I lived here since I was a little girl with my grandparents, while my parents worked in New York. I chose to live here because I didn't like the cluttered streets of N.Y.

Presently, I'm a sophomore collage student taking up Mass Communication, and I'm single but not available, confused?

I can still remember my dream of having the perfect boyfriend when I was a freshman; tall, athletic or a musician (which ever is available), sweet, loving, smart, understanding, and kind, caring and cute. Well, recently, I learned no one is as perfect as that and it's just totally a dream of wanting a perfect person like that, coz' everyone has flaws.

But my "love story" started when I was a freshman, it was second semester, and in English class a new semester means new sitting arrangement. I was a bit of excited but I was also sad coz' it means I won't be sitting next to my best friend anymore, and I was also afraid that I would sit next to a total snob. And guess what, it happened. I sat next to Tyler, the basketball team captain. He was like the guy of my dreams except the "kind" part. Everyone thinks he's totally cute, well except me, I totally hate snobs.

Plus, that time I was totally crushing on a junior drummer guy, Colin, and he seems closer to my dream guy. A musician, sweet, loving, smart, understanding, and kind, caring and cute, And I'm already his pal, and you know what means. The only word missing in our friend-ship the words "boy" and "girl".

So, just to seem courteous and friendly I said, "Hi, I'm Stef, sup?", then he just looked at me and turned his head back to whatever he was doing that time. And you know it really sucks how a gorgeous guy like that could be so rude.

As the days went on, we didn't speak a word to each other.

Days later and a pop quiz came up and I totally got an A and Tyler got an F. I was so happy and thought its just karma for being a total jerk and a snob but that situation led him to talk to me. After the bell rang he went out ahead of me as usual but when I went to my locker he was standing there,

"Umm… I know I was rude to you since the classes started this semester but I know you aced the test this morning and I was wondering if you could help me because if I fail this class I'll be kicked out of the basketball team" , he said while his head was down, totally ashamed of asking for help.

"That's it? No sorry?" I was staring at him with my eyebrows up, totally angry for him having the guts to ask a favor after being so rude.

"Um.. sorry?.." he said, looking weirded out and then continued "so pick you up later at 5 at mini mart, bye". Giving a smug then dashed off to the gym.

Did I even say yes that I would help him? But still, it turns out I still went that afternoon. And he seems better than I expected, since that day we hanged out a lot more and he already talks to me in class and we became closer when I became a sophomore.

Since that year every time we were together in the hall or in the court he would always play with my hand or sometimes when I'm walking he would catch up and put his hand on my shoulder and he'd walk me to class. But as the days went by I just realized that as I become closer to him my feelings for him change each and everyday because everyday he becomes more like the dream guy I had imagined when I was a freshman. But I kept silent, I didn't want him to stay away from me because of what I felt for him, I wanted things to stay the same and even though he only thinks of me as his friend, I'm fine with it as long as I can still be with him everyday.

But sometimes it hurts when girls tell me how much they like my "friend" and sometimes they would ask me to hook them up with him and it would hurt so badly when I see them together and I would pretend that I was happy for them. But I was still happy because things never changed, he became even sweeter everyday but I dared not ask if he liked me because I wasn't ready for the consequences of my question. I was afraid that he would stop being sweet so that I wouldn't think he liked me. And again I kept my questions to myself.

The next year I expected him to ask me to the junior prom, but, he didn't. But I'm was still glad coz' we both didn't have dates and my fear that he'll have another girl as a date didn't happen that's why I was relieved.

I thought he'd never ask me to dance with him since he was too busy dancing with some cheerleaders' who flirted at him. But he said he saved the best one for last. We danced on the darker part of the hall but I wasn't too comfortable as his hand pulled me closer minute by minute, I was feeling goose bumps come all over me and my heart was pounding, harder each second and I wanted to push him away to stop my heart from pounding so hard I felt like I couldn't breath. He pulled me till I was so close to him my face was only to nails farther from his.

That time my heart was screaming inside as though it wanted to jump for joy. So I started to talk to forget what I was feeling.

"So how many girls did you dance with?" Giving him a teasing tone and a smug to make him think I was teasing him rather than being jealous.

"A few. How bout you?"

"Quiet a lot. I just realized its hard to have a lot of guy friends" I told him while forcing myself to laugh. "There were a lot of girls who wanted to dance with you a while ago, why did they leave all of a sudden?"

"Because I told them I was already taken" He sounded like he's teasing and then he gave me a smug too.

"oh really? By who?" I wanted to sound like I was also teasing but it sounded more like I was serious.

Then he pulled me even closer till my nose was a few centimeters away from his lip.

"You" then he kissed me as hard as he could then he continued talking. "I know what I did would ruin our friendship but I'm willing to risk it if telling you the truth might bring us to what I was waiting for since the day I met you"

Smiling at him I asked "What were you waiting for?"

"For you to be my princess"

I was shocked and I couldn't speak but I didn't want him to think I didn't like him too so instead I kissed him, "Is that enough proof that I'm willing to be your princess?" smiling at him and I felt my cheeks were blushing.

"Well I still don't believe you, can I have another proof?" he sounded teasing

"No… one proof is enough" smugging at him, I was so happy.

That night we were crowned prom king and queen.

We were happy and our relationship was stronger each day even if it was a hard choice because girls in school always talked about me, that I didn't deserve him but I ignored it even if it sometimes hurt me.

Everything was fine till, we both graduated and had to go to separate collages and it was hard to have a long distance relationship and we sometimes fight on the chat room because he forgot to call or I didn't reply to his message. And we were both fed up. And I knew we had to meet up and talk.

We met up in a restaurant in here in Phoenix and we talked all night about the past and we apologized to each other for the fights that we had before he left I told him something that shocked him.

"I want to break up with you"

"Why? Do love another guy?"

"No silly, I still love you and only you"

"But why are you breaking up with me?"

"Loving you made my life difficult but not loving you would make it a disaster…I only want to break up with you so that you'd be free to love someone else and to make our lives less difficult and if you don't find another till we graduate it means were meant for each other"

After that night we were better than we used to be and till now Tyler hasn't found anyone else and he said he's not planning to look for another girl, and do have I. I love him more each day and I believe we'll still be together after we graduate.