Hey guys! This is a story I've been working on for awhile. I really love Soulmate AU's and KakaSaku so I thought I'd write one for them. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot that grew and unfortunately it's currently 20,000+ words so I had to split it up. Here's the first part. There will be some background relationships, mostly canon but this is absolutely a KakaSaku story.
WARNING: Kakashi is 14 years older than Sakura. He has inappropriate thoughts about an underage Sakura. Don't Like? Don't read! This story is rated for underage elements!
I don't own anything and nothing I write is beta read. Feel free to point out the mistakes! Cross-posted to Ao3.
Kakashi's relationship with his father had always been close, bound by love and affection, rather than the duty that had bound Sakumo to his own father. Kakashi's memories of his mother were distant and fuzzy but filled him with a lingering warmth. Their home had been filled with love, for even the short time before Kakashi's mother had died too young of a terrible sickness that swept the village. His father had lost his easy smile after Kakashi's mother had died. And four-year-old Kakashi hadn't known how to make his smile return. Often, Kakashi would find himself at the home of Minato Namikaze, a man that his father trusted implicitly and who would become his sensei and eventually the Fourth Hokage. It was there that he learned to let go of his grief at his mother's passing. It was there that he thought he found a way to make his father smile again after hearing Minato's numerous tales of his father's grand exploits. At four, Kakashi was the youngest child to register in the academy. Words like 'prodigy' and 'genius' were whispered when he walked by in his genin uniform, his Hitae-ate always threatening to slide down his forehead because his small fingers could never quite tie the knot tight enough. He didn't care about the whispers. All he cared about was making his father smile once again. And his father had looked almost happy the day he brought his son to the academy for the first time, his lips quirking in the closest thing to a smile since Kakashi's mother had been alive.
Kakashi was a diligent student, trying his best to make his father proud, despite the difficulties of dealing with children older and larger in size threatening to beat him down at every opportunity. Kakashi was not well-liked at first. He was a determined student, much too serious for his age, and he didn't care what anyone thought of him, excluding perhaps his father and sensei. He never backed down from a challenge, and despite his acuity and natural ability, his size often worked against him. At first, it only took a hit or two before he was on his back, doing his very best to hold back tears for fear that he shamed his sensei. He never told his father of the times he cried at his mother's grave, seeking comfort from the dead. He hid his bruises and stood tall even when his small body shook from pain and weakness. Sakumo was often on a mission and saw his son less and less as the months passed, but he always had a smile for his son. And with each passing day, the smile was broader and more genuine than the time before it. Kakashi lived for that smile, a desperately needed reminder that everything was returning to normal.
Soulmates were not something that Kakashi thought about. His parents were soulmates and they hadn't been shy in displaying the matching wolf soulmarks that had adorned their forearms. Kakashi was too young to really understand the concept. His mother had done her best to explain to her curious child when he demanded when he would receive his own wolf soulmark.
"One day, Kakashi when you grow tall, when you grow facial hair and when your voice gets as deep as your father's, you will get your own soulmark. It probably won't be a wolf like ours. It will be something just for you and your soulmate. And when you meet your soulmate, you'll see that they have the same soulmark."
"What's a soulmate?" he'd demanded, still not understanding.
His mother had laughed at his impatience, stroking his unruly hair with affection. "A soulmate is the person that loves you most." She answered gently.
"But you love me most!" Kakashi whined indignantly.
"Yes," Kakashi's mother assured him. "Your father and I love you more than anything in the world, but a soulmate is a little different. They are the first person outside of your family that loves you more. Your soulmate will be there when even your children leave you to find their own soulmate. Your soulmate will understand you better than anyone in the world, better even than you understand yourself. You can never truly be sad when your soulmate is by your side."
Kakashi nodded his head knowingly at the time, understanding only as a small child could that it must be true. His parents were soulmates and they were happy. And when his mother died, he understood too that his father would never truly be happy again, because his soulmate was gone.
For a time Kakashi was happy. The memory of his mother faded with each passing day, and so did the grief he felt at the thought of her. His sensei was there for him even when his father could not be. And yet Kakashi couldn't find it in himself to feel resentful of the man that many looked on with awed recognition. His father protected the village with everything he had. And he cared for his teammates and his son more than even himself. The days that Sakumo was able to pick Kakashi up from the academy were the best memories he had. And for many years, despite the shame of how his father died, they were the dearest memories that Kakashi held.
It was his father's death that shaped how Kakashi chose his path. Saving his teammates lives, at the cost of a vital mission to Konoha, led to Sakumo's fall from grace. And it was reflected in the way that Kakashi was treated by his peers. He was ridiculed and laughed at, his classmates whispering behind his back. His hearing was better than most, and it grew harder to ignore the taunts. He began to resent his father in those short weeks after the mission. His father the failure, whose own teammates vilified him for saving their lives at the cost of Konoha's reputation.
Still, he loved his father and had always respected him greatly. So Kakashi did not let his father see his resentment, did not tell him about the taunts he'd had to endure and the fights he'd gotten into over his father's reputation. But Sakumo had sharper hearing and a clearer understanding than his son, and he heard what wasn't said and it filled his heart with a heavy shame. He wished that his wife was here to offer help when he could not. He watched Kakashi come home with slumped shoulders and bruised fists and he despaired.
His wife's death had damaged his spirit and tore him down every day that she wasn't there. It hurt to live in a world where she no longer breathed. He missed her smile and light laughter. He missed waking up to her presence beside him, and the warmth she brought to his life after his severe upbringing. But he'd held on to his sanity for his son's sake, and for the village and shinobi he'd always vowed to protect. Now it seemed that his presence was only making the village resentful and their scorn was hard to bear. And his mistakes had started to complicate his son's life, which he'd never wanted to happen. Despite being the spitting image of his father with his silver hair and dark eyes, Sakumo imagined that he could see his wife in the curve of Kakashi's smile, a smile that was all but missing these days because of him.
When he thought of his wife waiting for him beyond the gates of the living, his decision became easier. When he thought of the turmoil and shame his death would relieve from his son's shoulders, his decision became certain. He didn't write his son a letter, perhaps too ashamed to try and explain why he'd chosen to take his own life. It seemed like the right choice in the end, but he would miss walking his son home from the academy. His last moments were filled with the thought of the man that Kakashi would become, and of the wife he would hopefully see after his death. He died a troubled man with many regrets, but he'd truly believed that his son would be better off.
The moments leading to finding his father's body and directly after were lost to Kakashi. He could only remember seeing his crumpled form, too still to be asleep and falling onto his father's body in grief and disbelief. Time had seemed to pass so slowly after that, as Kakashi clung to a father that had left him behind. The anger had come later, when the whispers surrounding Sakumo's death had grown to a deafening level. The anger had kept him going when his grief had threatened to pull him into the same abyss his father had fallen into.
When Sakumo Hatake had died, he pulled the mask on and rarely took it off again. It stayed on his face until the memory of his appearance was lost even to those who'd grown up with him. With his father's death, Kakashi came to understand that he could not follow in his father's footsteps. He would live his life by the strict rules of the shinobi and he would never seek out his soulmate. He would not stray in the ways that his parents had, especially his father. He would serve the village faithfully for the rest of his life, but he could not love as his father had.
Minato-sensei had always been in his life, for as long as he could remember. Kushina too, became a fixture in his early memories, her brash nature and frightening scowl still able to cause him to rub the back of his head in remembered chagrin. After his father's death they tried to take him in and become his surrogate family. Kakashi would not permit it. He came to regret isolating himself from people who'd cared for him so deeply, but he was glad that they'd never given up on him to their dying days. Despite his insistence on living alone, he was often at Minato's home for dinner. He was always overly formal where he'd once been exuberant and silly, and it made them look at each other with resigned expressions. Perhaps if they'd lived longer they might have been able to bring him out of the self-imposed lonely existence. But eventually they too were taken from him.
Obito and Rin would have called themselves his best friends, though he'd never allowed them too close. He put up with Rin's longing gaze, and Obito's puppyish enthusiasm because they were his assigned team. Obito did most of the talking out of the trio, always chattering about this and that while Rin rolled her eyes at him and stared after Kakashi with longing. Kakashi knew that she thought she loved him, just as he knew that Obito loved her desperately while she overlooked him easily. It wasn't until Rin was captured that Kakashi's chosen path was truly put to the test. He moved on to the mission, regretful but willing to leave Rin behind. He felt regret and remorse, but he reminded himself of his father's shame, and his father's death. It was Obito who could not take no for an answer. Obito who loved Rin far more than he loved the village, cared for her well-being far more than he cared for his duty. And in the ferocity of his belief, Kakashi felt the foundations of his own stubborn resolve tremble. His father had loved his mother as much, and he'd never regretted that love all his life. Obito reminded Kakashi of the man his father had been, had insisted that his father was a great man, and Kakashi relented.
It was when Obito died that they discovered that Rin and he were soulmates, because fate was a cruel mistress. How they'd never touched skin to skin was beyond understanding. Kakashi could recall at that moment more than half a dozen times where Obito or Rin had touched him accidentally. But Obito had always been highly respectful of Rin, to the point that he wore gloves always. Rin had always been fierce in her dislike for the Uchiha and had regarded him with disdain. Kakashi supposed it made a twisted kind of sense that they were bound together in the moment before Obito died.
When Rin placed her hands to Obito's face to attempt the surgery that would take his eye, she'd gasped. And Obito had grinned against the pain at the knowledge that she was his, even too late. Rin had finally looked at the boy who loved her more than he loved himself and she understood. Kakashi ceased to exist in her mind, incomparable to the proud boy who kissed her with a mouth full of his own blood. She'd watched in grief as he slowly lifted his sleeve to reveal the raven that adorned his right forearm. And Kakashi turned away his gaze when Rin turned and displayed her own matching mark low on her back. He'd given them time alone, walking from them with stiff shoulders and suppressed grief. And when Rin had called him over it had been with an anguished sob, her voice breaking on his name. When he said goodbye to Obito it was as a friend, the words Obito had once spoken to him ringing true in his ears.
"Those that break the rules and regulations are scum. But those who abandon their comrades are even worse than scum."
He'd made a promise to his friend to protect Rin, and he'd vowed that day that he would. It was not to be. She'd accepted Obito as her soulmate, and to her dying day she'd insisted futilely that his presence itched at the back of her mind. It's as if he's still alive, she'd insisted. I can feel him. And it would slowly drive her mad, the presence of the dead boy she'd loved too late.
Her death was a relief to her torment, but it only added to Kakashi's own. Yes, he now understood the importance of bonds, and could forgive his father for the loyalty he'd given his team without question. But with Rin's death it only made him see just how detrimental a soulmate was. He vowed that he would never fall victim to love and for years it seemed that fate had chosen to grant his wish, the presence of a soulmate mark never appearing.
As time went on, he formed new bonds of comradery. Gai, an overexuberant boy who had declared himself Kakashi's eternal rival upon their first meeting became his closest friend and ally. Kurenai, Asuma, Genma, and Anko were all genin who chose to ignore the rumors surrounding Kakashi and tried to become his friend. Despite his better judgment, Kakashi found that he tolerated their presence in his life, and eventually grew to appreciate their affection for him despite his reserved nature. After Minato and Kushina's deaths he lost himself for a time.
It shamed him later to think of it, but he'd turned his back on the boy who looked so much like his sensei that it hurt. He turned his back on the chance at a family with the little boy who faced the same prejudice and ridicule that Kakashi had once faced, except worse. Kakashi blinded himself to the way the village treated Naruto Uzumaki and joined Anbu's ranks. His encounters with Tenzo, once known as Kinoe showed him once again the wisdom of Obito's words. He trusted Tenzo when there was no reason to and earned his eternal admiration and friendship in return.
Eventually Kakashi was honorably discharged by the Third Hokage in fears that he would eventually lose himself in the often-cruel expectations of Anbu. Kakashi understood the reasoning. He'd lost more than one friend during his service and the demands of Anbu had begun to wear on him. His tenant of loyalty to his comrades often clashed with the responsibilities associated with Anbu and he was ultimately glad to leave its ranks. His only regret was that Tenzo too, would be left behind. The man assured him that he was happy where he was and had no desire to leave and it eased Kakashi's conscious.
He hadn't given the idea of soulmates a second thought in years. Kurenai and Asuma were bonded, but anyone could have foreseen that in the years leading up to hitting puberty. They antagonized each other relentlessly and Asuma teased Kurenai far more than anyone else. But they were often seen at various cafes and shops together when neither was on a mission, and they had a knack of communicating without words. Kurenai hit puberty first, her slim body becoming curvaceous in a matter of months. It was funny to Kakashi to see Asuma suddenly become speechless when Kurenai was nearby. He began to avoid her as he tried to come to terms with the new and confusing feelings his friend inspired in him. His behavior confused Kurenai and hurt her more than she let on, but all was resolved when Asuma finally hit puberty and their marks manifested on the same day. Each bore a crimson tree, branches displaying the buds of flowers yet to grow. They were married in a quiet ceremony at sixteen, deliriously happy. It reminded Kakashi once again of his parents and he hoped that they would both live long happy lives. He wished his father's sorrow on no one.
Gai bore no mark after reaching puberty, and neither did Kakashi. That wasn't uncommon, as the marks didn't manifest until both people had reached puberty. It could mean that their soulmate was still young, and the idea troubled Kakashi until he finally passed twenty with no mark appearing. Fate could not be so cruel to give him such a young soulmate when he felt so very old, could it? Gai mourned loudly that he would not experience the youthful fulfillment of love. Anko too, did not bear a soulmark, though she took it in stride and appeared unaffected.
Genma disclosed his mark, a small collection of blue stars that adorned his left shoulder. They'd appeared when he was thirteen and he'd never bothered to seek out the person who'd matched. He never disclosed why but Kakashi understood that at thirteen he'd already fallen for a girl who was out of his reach. The one time he'd asked Genma, his reply had simply been "The girl I want, she's gone from the village. I don't need some mark to tell me that she's it for me. But I doubt I'll see her again." His reputation as a womanizer was perhaps earned, but Kakashi sometimes wondered if Genma wrapped the title around himself as a shield of sorts, to guard against the heartache he'd already experienced at a young age.
He never once doubted that Genma's feelings were genuine and not just young foolishness, as others might. For civilians it was different. Shinobi grew up faster, experienced things sooner. In their lives, especially in a time of war, they were forced to set aside their childhoods for the good of Konoha. It was an honor, but it required a steep price. Kurenai and Asuma were lucky to have discovered each other so soon or at all. The life expectancy of a shinobi during wartime was abysmal with Rin and Obito a tragic reminder. If a shinobi did not receive their mark, it could also be inferred that their soulmate had died young, perhaps just another shinobi child killed in action. It was better to assume they'd never had a soulmate in the first place. Civilian and Shinobi matches rarely worked out. Shinobi would always be required to serve, to put their duty before their own happiness. Civilians did not understand war as Shinobi did. They were affected by the food shortages, by the fear of another village attacking but it was a distant fear. The whole point of the shinobi force was to ensure that the regular citizens of Konoha felt safe, and that they never truly experienced the consequences of war. So far, they had done their jobs at the cost of too many shinobi lives, and the cost of the reputation and family of one child: Naruto Uzumaki. In the end it was a small price to pay to keep thousands of citizens safe, but it never sat well with Kakashi. He wished sometimes that he could have set aside the anger of his youth and given Naruto a proper family. When he did check on Naruto far too late, he saw that Iruka Umino had taken the place of a father figure and he'd cared for Naruto far more than as just another struggling student. It wasn't fair to Naruto but Iruka was a far better person than Kakashi, and he stepped away from his sensei's son to focus on protecting the village.
Kakashi's long dreaded soulmark appeared just after his 25th birthday. He'd drunk himself into a stupor the night he felt the burn of the mark. The thing was a shameful monstrosity, covering his chest and stomach. His soulmark was a cherry blossom tree in full bloom sitting atop a grassy knoll. It completely covered the scars that had once existed in its place. It repulsed him to realize that even if his soulmate was a late bloomer, they were still at least a decade younger than him. That night Gai and Genma drank by his side and carried him home when he finally lost consciousness. Neither of them knew what had caused their friend such grief but were familiar with his intermittent episodes of lost control and felt no urge to question him. Neither suspected why he was drinking, choosing to respect the privacy of the most solitary of their group.
Soulmarks were supposed to be registered to make it easier for soulmates to discover each other. Kakashi didn't register his and medic-nin had given up trying to force him into the mandatory physicals after he'd left Anbu. By 26 he hadn't passed a single genin team and expected the same result from his current team. He refused to let it matter that Naruto was Minato's son, that Sasuke was the brother of a once friend and the last Uchiha to boot. Sakura Haruno came from a civilian family, neither parent making it past genins. Kakashi expected that Sakura wouldn't make it farther than her parents.
Finding a soulmate wasn't as easy as looking in the registry. Each soulmark was unique but general descriptions were provided, as well as the basics of the person that bore the mark such as age, gender and orientation if they were willing to share. Then if someone discovered someone they believed fit as their soulmate, a request could be sent to meet. Often these meetings amounted to nothing. In the months after his soulmark appeared Kakashi offered to handle the registry desk.
It raised no suspicions simply because he'd been severely injured during an S rank mission and it was a choice between desk work or a lengthy stay in the hospital for observation. Kakashi chose the desk job, thanking the common knowledge that he avoided the hospital at all costs. He looked up anyone from the ages of ten to sixteen who'd recently declared a soulmark matching his. No one had declared anything in his two-week stint managing the registry desk and he didn't dare request access to the registry again. He was both confused and relieved that anyone already registered and bearing a mark like his did not match. He trailed the twelve potential candidates with descriptions ranging from cherry blossom tree with a detailed description or ones as vague as 'flower' with nothing else mentioned. He felt no connection at the sight of any of them, male or female. A match couldn't ultimately be confirmed until you compared the two marks side by side. However direct skin to skin contact was often a confirmation before even seeing the mark. The feeling of touching your soulmate for the first time was often described as a cooling sensation running through your veins, even a sense of 'coming home'. Kakashi didn't feel anything but relief when he touched the twelve potentials ranging in age from eleven to sixteen. All touches had been engineered to appear as an accident, his targets none the wiser. Kakashi hoped he never met his soulmate.
After Anbu he became a Jounin-sensei and participated in missions as any other regular Jounin. The teams he failed were older than when he was once a genin. Twice the age he'd been in their places and far happier and childish for it. He looked on their round faces and eager smiles and felt no qualms about failing three teams in succession when they did not pass the bell test, as his sensei had required of his own team so long ago. It was not because he had no desire to teach, as The Third assumed. That was part of it, the weight of his own past failures a bitter pill to swallow. But it was because when he watched the children together, there was no teamwork, no comradery. These kids would not die for each other, they would not have each other's backs when it was eventually required of them. He could not pass anyone who did not understand that abandoning comrades was worse than scum. He could not pass anyone who was once as he was, solitary and determined to be alone.
XX
Sakura was eleven years old when she woke up with blood spotting her sheets and an unpleasant cramping in her lower abdomen. She knew right away what was happening, and she thrilled at the possibility of a soulmark. However, Sakura was raised to be responsible from a young age. Though her parents hadn't progressed past genins, they were strict in her upbringing and reminded her of her duty to the village and her home from a young age. The first thing she did was strip her futon of her bedding and threw them in to wash, as well as the clothes she'd been wearing to sleep. Then she made her bed with new sheets and took a shower. She inspected herself closely as she bathed but found no sign of a mark. It filled her with equal parts reassurance and trepidation. If she had no mark, there was a greater chance that her soulmate was Sasuke. Despite how handsome and cool he was, Sasuke was still young, too young to have a mark possibly. So, she hoped that she had no mark for that reason. But no mark could also mean that she had no soulmate, and she would become one of the unmarked, people who were destined to die alone. Sure, it was just something that Ino teased her with, but it was a secret fear of hers. She knew that having no mark ultimately meant nothing. Her parents both had marks and they weren't the same, but they still loved each other. And Ino's parents didn't have marks but they were devoted to each other.
When she got out of the shower she inspected her body closely with critical eyes. She wasn't flat-chested, but her breasts were nothing more than small buds, the hair between her legs wispy and barely there. She inspected her body closely, looking under her arms and high between her thighs before turning and finally seeing parts of the mark on the backs of either shoulder. The tree was her namesake which annoyed her for the briefest moments and she had to wait until she was standing in front of her full-length mirror before she could see the full mark. The branches were dark and stretched towards her neck with limbs stretched across both shoulder blades. Tree limbs that were laden with blooming pink cherry blossoms. The tree was rooted on a small swell of land, the grass high and obscuring the bottom of the wide trunk of the tree. Sakura smiled in pleasure at the detail of the mark, so vivid that she could almost smell the blossoms that drifted from the tree to hang suspended above the grass forever. It was said that the larger and more detailed the mark was, the stronger the bond. Sakura had nothing to verify that information with, but she giggled at the thought.
"Take that Ino-pig!" She said smugly into the mirror. She had a soulmark before her insufferable rival. And perhaps Sasuke had one too.
She dressed quickly, forgoing her usual chest bindings to show her mark to her mother. Her mother tittered over her mark and congratulated her daughter in her soft way, smiling with genuine pleasure at the joy on her daughter's face. When Sakura returned to her room she missed the pinched frown that appeared on her mother's face when the smile slid slowly off her face. It wasn't that she wasn't happy for her daughter, to have a chance to find her soulmate and experience what she herself never had. But she loved her husband. It wasn't an all-consuming passion, but a steady warmth driven by years spent growing together. She would never tell Sakura that in her youth she'd met the man that was her soulmate, and at the time Sakura was barely walking. The man had begged her to run away with him, to abandon the man that she'd vowed to love for the rest of her life. It was that plea that had made up her mind. Her husband would have let her go with a heavy heart, but he would have understood. Her soulmate hadn't given a thought to the man she would be leaving behind, or the child that she loved more than life itself. She'd been briefly tempted but when he spoke of starting again, he spoke of their children and Sakura hadn't been included in that dream. It was said that soulmates understood each other implicitly and she thought perhaps that came with time as all understanding did. Her soulmate didn't understand her love for Sakura, her duty to her husband, or her grief at leaving either behind. In the end her decision had been easy. She returned to her husband and child and requested that her soulmate never contact her again. He'd died some years later, when Sakura was six or seven. She'd cried her tears in the dark of night, aching for a man and life she would never have, but the next day she'd squared her shoulders and moved on. She never had the heart to explain to Sakura that soulmates didn't always mean a happy ending and she was happier for not running away with hers.
It troubled Sakura's mother to see the size and detail instilled into the mark. If she considered the mark she had before her soulmate's death, it wasn't extraordinary. A small black half-moon the size of three fingers pressed tight together that sat on her left shoulder. Now that years had passed since her soulmate's death, the mark had faded to an ashen grey. Her husband's mark was of a similar size and black, though it was in the shape of a cresting wave. She believed that her husband would not abandon his family if his soulmate stumbled into their lives. She couldn't help but think that maybe it was the lack of detail in their marks that made them less susceptible to the pull of true love and everlasting happiness. They were both realists, and neither wanted Sakura to join the Academy but they'd always told her to follow her dreams. So, they sat back and watched her leave their home with an eager step on her first day.
Sakura proved to be a star student, eager to learn and possessing almost perfect chakra control. However, her ninjutsu wasn't particularly strong and her taijutsu was lacking as well. Sasuke excelled in anything he tried, as was expected of the last Uchiha. Neji Hyuga was also just as talented, though his cousin and the Hyuga heiress Hinata was too shy and lacked the confidence to succeed. Then there was the bottom rung of the class. Naruto Uzumaki was abysmal and close to failing. Rock Lee was also struggling though they both had a dedication that Sakura couldn't help but admire. Not that she'd ever tell either of them. She generally liked Lee but his exuberant praise and general appearance was a bit off-putting. Naruto was a loser, and for a reason that Sakura couldn't entirely understand, he was treated like garbage by the citizens of Konoha. Even her own parents would not discuss why, but they shuddered at his name the few times she'd complained about how much of an idiot he was.
The Academy passed so quickly, friendships and bonds broken and reformed as time progressed. Ino, Sakura's once best friend had become her arch rival for the affections of Sasuke. It stung sometimes that Sakura no longer had her dearest friend to rely on because of a boy, and because they were now competing to one up each other. Sakura grew closer to Hinata as a result. She found she could vent to the soft-spoken girl without receiving any sort of judgment. Hinata was amazingly supportive, but there was one thing on which they could not agree. Hinata thought Naruto was amazing. He may as well have hung the sun and stars in her eyes. She couldn't even speak to him or look at him for too long without fainting. Sakura didn't understand the appeal and Hinata had only mentioned that he'd once stood up for her as an explanation. Still, she was determined to sing Hinata's praises if the opportunity ever presented itself. It was the least she could do for a friend who'd made her time at the academy better.
On the last week, teams were assigned based on several factors. Requests could not be made and would be ignored. Iruka assigned the teams and was unbending on his decisions. Sakura was beyond excited when it was announced she would be on a team with Sasuke and was equally as horrified to find that she was also on a team with Naruto. Between flickering moods of elation and dread she managed to send an apologetic smile towards Hinata who was placed with Shino and Kiba. Shino was an odd one, too quiet to really stand out, and Kiba was almost as obnoxious as Naruto. They were told to sit together, to get to know each other if they weren't already familiar with each other. Naruto immediately took that as an invitation to explain that his favorite food was ramen, and his favorite ramen stand was Ichiraku. While he waxed poetic about the many great qualities of ramen, Sakura waved goodbye to Hinata who stared at Naruto with such longing that it made Sakura's stomach hurt. Hinata's sensei was the first to arrive and she was led out of the room, her face twisted so she could see Naruto until the last possible second. Hinata waved at Sakura with a tremulous smile, expression falling when she noticed that all of Naruto's attention was fixed solely on Sakura. All his enthusiasm aimed at the girl who didn't even see him. She dropped her head, fingers twisting her hair sadly as she followed a whooping Kiba out of the room. Sakura punched Naruto when he didn't even notice that Hinata was gone.
"Idiot," she muttered as the class continued to empty.
After a while, even Naruto could no longer think of things to tell them about ramen. Sakura had attempted to engage Sasuke in conversation, but he answered in monosyllables and jerky motions, until he ignored her completely and stared moodily out of the window. Naruto began to fidget and pace, complaining loudly that maybe they didn't get a sensei. Eventually he got the idea to play a prank on their erstwhile sensei. Sasuke blinked at his actions, tch-ing in disapproval. Sakura tried to reason with Naruto, but you couldn't reason with idiocy and instead yelled at him and threatened to end him. She wore herself down and sighed in resignation.
"Our sensei is an elite shinobi Naruto. They're not going to fall for a stupid eraser prank."
"We'll see." Naruto said smugly and sat down to wait, his eager expression fixed on the door.
XX
Time passed too quickly for Kakashi and the yearly Academy graduation approached. Another year, another team to fail so he could return to solo missions. On the day where he was to meet his students, he went to the cenotaph as he always did. It was a time of reflection, of regret and mourning that he subjected himself to as a self-punishment for his past sins. He spoke to Obito and Rin, to his father and mother, to Minato and Kushina. He apologized for his mistakes and he updated Minato and Kushina with news on Naruto. A poor student but a determined one, just like his father had once been. He apologized in advance to Minato for failing his son and requested his forgiveness. He thanked Rin and Obito for their friendship, Minato and Kushina for their stubborn affection. To his father he offered no thanks but did his best to forgive. It was still a struggle to let go of the resentment when so many years had passed. He ended as he always did, with soft words for a mother he no longer remembered and a hope that she watched over him even now.
He looked at the position of the sun and smiled in satisfaction. If he hurried he would only be two hours later, rather than the three that was typical. He wondered if Iruka had bothered to warn the three students that would become his team. When he walked into the classroom with only three students remaining he was hit unceremoniously by an eraser on the top of his head.
"Hmmm...how do I put this? My first impression of you is...I hate you."
He watched as Naruto burst into loud laughter, pointing at the chalk that had covered his vest and hair. Sasuke Uchiha did his best to appear bored but Kakashi read his amusement in the twitch of his lips. Kakashi focused idly on Sakura, her face frozen in horror. He felt his stomach clench as he made eye contact with the young girl, her cheeks flushing prettily as his lone eye met both of hers.
"I'm sorry, se-sensei! I tried to stop him!"
Kakashi found himself lost for words. He wasn't a particularly vocal person, very often a silent observer of the rowdier behavior and loud conversation from his generation of shinobi and those he considered friends. Now, he felt like he physically couldn't speak, his voice lost somewhere in the confusion surrounding his conflicting feelings. Shock, as he met the eyes of his student and felt years of self-recrimination inside him quiet. An inexplainable joy as he took in her appearance: rosy cheeks, a broad forehead, short almost delicate stature, light pink hair and bright green eyes. An undefined sorrow at the realization that she'd arrived in his life far too late. Much younger than he'd hoped, and it created a tightness in his chest to realize that he'd held hope deep inside him at all.
His mind immediately thought back to the few memories he held of his mother and father together. Soulmates that had seemed to be a perfect match. Those memories held a happiness he hadn't experienced since he was very young, and he hated that he remembered that warmth at this moment.
"Hey, sensei!" He was brought out of his reverie by the waving hand in front of his face. Naruto was yelling in his face.
Kakashi blinked, assuming his customary slouch and lazy expression. He turned and left the room, trusting that they would follow him as he tried to sort out his thoughts. Sakura Haruno, what did he know about the girl? Barely 12 years old with high testing scores, but little to no practical skills. He'd been ready to dismiss her, even if they somehow managed to pass the bell test. He'd asked Iruka for an honest assessment of the three, trusting his judgment more than any others. And Iruka had praised Sakura's intelligence and theoretical knowledge but had rubbed the back of his neck as he admitted that she sometimes seemed more concerned about catching the eye of Sasuke, then becoming a skilled shinobi. He had confidence in her abilities but doubted that she would progress past chunin if she didn't focus her attention away from Sasuke and frivolous pursuits in general.
He glared darkly at the thought of the Uchiha with Sakura. They were both young and would be trained together, fight together and grow to rely on each other heavily in the coming months. It wasn't unheard of for teammates to form romantic bonds, though it was highly discouraged. From reports, it was clear that she adored the raven-haired boy, though he appeared to be indifferent to her feelings. Kakashi squashed the satisfaction he felt at that thought.
On the roof, where his students had taken his cue and followed him, he asked them to explain their motivations and their goals as a shinobi. It was something he asked every team, but he'd never really paid attention to their answers. Why did he need to when they all eventually failed in the end? This time he listened closely. Naruto's goal to be Hokage was almost admirable, and considering his father, not completely out of his reach. Kakashi felt regret as he considered the motivation behind Naruto's dream. No one had treated him well, except for Iruka and the Third and he was yearning for a sense of validation and acceptance he'd never been shown. Kakashi shoved the guilt he felt away for a different time. Sasuke's goal of revenge against who Kakashi could only assume was his traitorous brother was concerning. That path led nowhere good, but Kakashi could see the intensity of feeling and discipline he'd held as a youth reflected in Sasuke's eyes and he felt a wave of sympathy. Kakashi paid particular attention to Sakura as she ducked her head and kicked a pebble while she considered his question. He got the impression that she was changing the answer she instinctively wanted to say. Would it have reflected her obsession with Sasuke? He waited impatiently for her response, hoping that she would not disappoint him.
"I, uh…can you ask me another time, sensei?" she finally managed, offering a quick glance of apology before her gaze returned to her feet.
He let it go, considering it a positive thing that she might be reevaluating her decisions. "Maa Sakura, feel free to let me know whenever you are ready."
With that, he dismissed them for the day and told them to meet him at one of the training grounds the following morning. The sun was already setting low in the sky, the orange hues reminding him that he once again hadn't eaten in hours. He stopped by Ichiraku on his way home and ordered some miso soup, as well as an eggplant dish he usually only indulged in after particularly hard missions. He ran into Naruto while there and politely listened as the boy spoke loudly and enthusiastically about his dream of becoming Hokage. It was a nice change of routine and filled Kakashi with an unexpected wave of affection for the boy that looked so much like his beloved sensei. He ruffled Naruto's hair on his way out of the door. Naruto huffed indignantly but Kakashi read the surprise and joy on his face at the unfamiliar gesture. For once, Kakashi was hoping that a team might pass, no matter the implication of who Sakura was to him.
XX
When Sakura first looked at Kakashi her heart picked up speed. She didn't understand why she suddenly couldn't look away from him. His hair looks soft, was her first thought, even as she immediately ratted Naruto out. She admittedly couldn't see much of his face, covered as it was by his mask and Hitae-ate, but she felt like his uncovered eye could see right down to her bones. She felt her face flush, knowing that she probably looked stupid with her current expression frozen in place, but he looked equally struck. Well, as far as she could tell with his face mostly covered.
Naruto finally snapped their sensei out of whatever funk he'd fallen into and the man left immediately afterwards, not even introducing himself. They followed him in confusion as he led them to the roof. She noted that it was already dinner time and their errant sensei had kept them waiting for two hours. Was he on a mission? Had he been hurt? Did he really hate her? She shrugged off her weird thoughts and focused as their new sensei introduced himself as Kakashi Hatake. Sakura remembered hearing about him briefly from Iruka and understood that he was famous for copying jutsu. She watched him eagerly as his attention was focused on Naruto and Sasuke, frustrated by the mask and Hitae-ate that covered most of his face. When his lone eye turned to her in query, she ducked her head in sudden embarrassment. What was her hobby, her likes, her goal? Immediately Sasuke came to mind and she felt shame and guilt. What had seemed natural now seemed silly when faced with this Jounin, her sensei. What was it about him that made her reconsider? She couldn't look him in the eyes as she tried to think of an adequate answer, but nothing came to mind. Daydream about her life with Sasuke when they were grown, prove to him that she was a capable kunoichi, and eventually marry him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He didn't seem to mind that she had no answer and of that she was glad. She would think of something and she would tell him her response with no hesitation next time.
The bell test was surprisingly difficult, and she was humiliated to find that her devotion to Sasuke remained intact. To have a genjutsu used against her like that was so embarrassing. She wondered what Kakashi thought of her childish crush and hoped that he no longer hated her as he said. She would prove that she could be a strong shinobi. There was no other option. They passed, barely but she could not suppress her excitement. She was a ninja! That night she wrote in her diary about the eventful day, and if her entry had a little too much about how cool Kakashi was, she would ignore it.
XX
Soulmates. Kakashi mused on what the term meant to him now that he was faced with the impossible. Specifically, one little pink-haired Sakura Haruno. He didn't allow himself to inspect too closely the maelstrom of feelings that had sprung up surrounding the girl. Protectiveness was forefront and it was in a Hatake's nature considering how closely they were tied to their ninken. Traits were shared, and bonds formed over time that could not be broken. Protectiveness he could handle. She was his charge and he was tasked with helping her grow into a strong shinobi. He would not let it get out of hand. If he had one lasting trait from his youth it was self-discipline if it was required of him. He could be her soulmate as well as her team captain, as long as she was never made aware of their connection.
He considered making the situation known to the Third and requesting a new team. It was a reasonable response given the circumstances, but the teams were carefully selected, and the loss of Sakura could mean that Sasuke and Naruto would be transferred as well, however unlikely. And who better to train the last Uchiha than him? Not to mention he'd discovered a dormant affection for Minato's son. He could not in good conscience step away again. He'd already made a promise to Naruto in his head and he would fulfill it.
He chose a cowardly tactic with Sakura. He favored the boys over her, and watched her confusion grow with each passing mission as he focused on Naruto and Sasuke's training. Not that he would ever neglect her. He could do no less than ensure that she never died like Rin or Obito. No, he just withheld the hair ruffles he forced on the boys, as well as limiting praise and unnecessary interaction. Perhaps it seemed that he was never satisfied with Sakura, and it pained him to see her confusion turn to hurt and bitter resolve. It would be better if she'd resented or grew to hate him instead. He told himself that it was good that she didn't become attached to him, so she would not suspect. He was careful never to make skin contact and hardly spoke to her if they weren't on a mission.
Kakashi allowed himself to spend more time with Naruto who soaked up all his attention with the eagerness of a puppy. He thanked Naruto's unassuming nature that never questioned why his sensei spent so much time with him and just accepted it happily. They went for ramen occasionally, though Kakashi never tried to infringe on the pastime that Iruka had shared with Naruto for years. Instead he liked to tell him stories of his sensei and old team, always making sure to include Minato in whatever he shared. It wasn't enough, but at least Naruto grew to know and respect his father without realizing it.
Sasuke too demanded his attention for training. Always striving to be better so that he could one day face Itachi on even ground and kill him. Kakashi looked for ways to redirect Sasuke's aggression but had yet to find a worthy way to channel it away from the consuming need to get revenge. He tried Icha Icha, his own tried and true method of redirecting his boundless energy. Sasuke had scoffed at the attempts and sneered at the plot. He'd even once dared to insult the esteemed Jiraiya for creating what he termed as "filth". Kakashi would never forgive him for that slight. He'd even once asked Sasuke if any girls had caught his attention, figuring teenage hormones was as good a way as anything to distract him. Sasuke's eyes had drifted to Sakura training determinedly with Naruto as he denied such base instincts. Kakashi bristled at the unintended interest and never brought up the subject again. Sakura was his.
Sakura never brought up the subject of her goals and hobbies again, though he often saw her chewing her lip with consideration in quieter moments. He didn't press the issue as he watched her disgust of Naruto evolve into a grudging respect, and a stare from Sasuke that lasted too long still made her blush nervously.
The weeks and months passed quickly, and Kakashi did his best to prepare his team for the chunin exams. He had no doubt that they could pass but a tight ball of worry still formed when he thought of Sakura facing so much hostility. He knew that Sasuke and Naruto would defend her with their lives, the bond formed between Team 7 more than just comrades, but that of dear friends. It wasn't reassuring and as he wished them good luck and watched them walk away he couldn't let her go without saying something.
"Sakura!" She turned immediately at his voice, surprise and wariness in her eyes as she waited for him to speak. Naruto and Sasuke had already gotten quite far ahead towards the gates and didn't hear him or notice that Sakura was no longer with them. He approached her carefully, smiling in his own way, eye creasing with reassurance. "Don't worry so much. You'll do fine," he offered her.
Indeed, he could see the worry that creased her brow stemming from her concern that she wasn't good enough, nowhere as skilled as Naruto or Sasuke. Kakashi cursed his inability to tell her that she would likely never reach their level of expertise but that would never be her fault. Naruto was the son of the Fourth Hokage and the strongest Jinchuuriki to boot. Sasuke was from one of the founding clans of Konoha and was destined for greatness from his birth. Sakura held the potential for greatness in her own way, but she needed to discover that for herself.
Sakura flinched, startled as his gloved hand came to rest on top of her head, carefully mussing her hair. She stared at him wide-eyed, her gaze yearning with a need for reassurance and the acceptance she felt he'd never given her. "Sensei?"
"Maa, Sakura, you're just as good as any of those genin. Remember that." In a movement almost too quick to be noticed, he brushed a stray hair behind her ear. Sakura flushed, instinctively turning her face towards his hand too late to touch him. He stepped back as she watched him carefully. "Now go, before Naruto and Sasuke start without you."
Determination lit Sakura's eyes and she nodded once, fists clenching. "Yes, sensei!" She smiled at him, but with her ferocity it came off as more of a grimace as she met his eye. "I won't let you down, Kakashi-sensei!" With that promise, she turned and bounded away, Naruto and Sasuke finally noticing her absence. Kakashi watched as the boys crowded her, probably questioning what it was he said to her. Even they had noticed how distant he was to Sakura, but they both assumed it was because she was a girl.
"You've never let me down Sakura." Kakashi said to himself softly. "You never could."
This will hopefully be a four or five chapter fic. The first three chapters are already written. Feel free to drop some constructive criticism and thanks for reading!