You Can't Miss It IT'S GREEN, by Dickfart
Goku and the gang gang was training for the Cell Games and shit, and one day Piccolo visits Goku's house.
"GOKU!" said Piccolo. "FUCKING GOKU! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
"Oh, hey Mr. Piccolo!" said Gohan, running out from behind twenty feet of nerd books so he could say hello to his teacher.
"Oh hey kid," said Piccolo. "Where's Goku?"
"Dad's not home. Mom is making him drive her places because they had sex for the first time in five years and she was very disappointed. They think I don't know that because I'm just a kid, but my balls have dropped recently, and also I'm not fucking stupid." He bowed to Piccolo in a polite gesture.
"FUCK!" said Piccolo, extending his arm all the way across the room so he could grab the couch and toss it out the window with his noodle arm, which he did. The crash made Gohan flinch. "I need an ADULT! And I've already asked Vegeta but that fuckING COCKSUCKER MONKEYFUCKER LAUGHED IN MY FACE. I'M FUCKING ANGRY! WHY WOULDN'T HE ACCEPT MY CUCUMBER? THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED AND HONOR ON PLANET NAMEK."
"Oh, that Vegeta. What a handful," said Gohan, laughing as the live stupid-o audience canned laughter track played. Also, Shrek isn't in this fucking fic. DON'T ASK.
"IT'SN NOT GODDAMN FUNNY, GOHAN! THAT'S MY CULTURE YOU'RE LAUGHING AT!"
"I'm sure whatever it is you wanted my dad to do, I could do it twice as good!"
"Gee, kid. It's not age appropriate. Your mother would rip my head off and feed it to my ass!"
"Well, that imagery was hardly child-friendly," said Gohan with a scoff. "What could be worse than that?"
"THIS!" said Piccolo, pulling out a stupid Naruto kunai. In swift tug Piccolo sliced his pickledick clean off and sticky purple blood dripped everywhere.
"Oh no! Mr. Piccolo, why? You've just spontaneously mutilated yourself!" said Gohan. Then he turned green and threw up.
"Suck it up, kid!" said Piccolo, plant goop oozing down his legs. "You know I can grow it back!"
"But WHY would you do that?" said Gohan, who fell to his knees and started bawling. He howled and wheezed like a big baby, and Piccolo tossed it to him. Gohan caught it awkwardly.
"IF IT MEANS SO MUCH TO YOU THE YOU CAN HAVE IT! STOP! FUCKING! CRYING!"
"Gosh, Mr. Piccolo. I promise to take ever such good care of it," said Gohan, who ran into his room. He'd need it for when puberty hit him gay for approximately three minutes, half the time, or forever. It was a lone dildo now, and solo dildos aren't charged with statutory rape, which it wasn't anyway because Gohan and Piccolo are only like four years apart in age. That's less than Goku and Vegeta!
"MAKE SURE YOUR MOM DOESN'T FIND IT OR SHE'LL FORCE FEED ME HER TAMPONS AND SHOOT ME OUT OF A CANNON INTO THE NEAREST RODEO BOY HOWDY!"
"OK, Mr. Piccolo! Thank you!"
And that's the story of how Piccolo, unlike Goku, saw Gohan through the toughest times.
The End