Author's Note: This will eventually be a three-part story based on three songs. The first is from Kagome's POV, set to My Immortal. And, for those of you reading Castle, I am almost finished with the next chapter. A bout with the flu and some writer's block, combined with two computer crashes (which erased the almost completed chapter AND another almost completed story!) have set me behind a bit. Along with that, I must apoligize for spelling and grammar errors...I have not put Word back on the computer yet.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Inuyasha. Nor do I own the song My Immortal. For those of you who do not know the song, it is written and performed by Evanescence.
Koigokoro: A Symphony in Three Parts
Part One; Heartache
By: JediK1
Kagome ran through the forest, heedless of the branches that whipped across her tear-stained face. Blood from the small cuts mingled with the tears, trickling down her face in tiny rivers, but the young miko did not care. She ran with a single-mindness that would have scared her under normal circumstances, but now it seemed to be her only choice.
I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
After tripping over several tree roots, Kagome reached her destination. The girl stumbled to a halt at the edge of the clearing, pausing only long enough to look back at the forested path behind her.
He won't come for me...
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Tears trailed behind the sobbing girl as she floated through the portal known as the Bone-Eaters Well. As her feet once more connected with solid ground, she collapsed, letting the weight of her grief bear her to the ground. How could he...after everything we've been through...how could he say that to me?
Choking back a sob, Kagome stood on shaking legs and reached for the ladder that her grandfather had placed in the well for her. Her mind went numb as she slowly climbed to the top and exited the portal. The images from earlier that evening ran unbidden across her vision, obscuring everything around her as she blindly exited the well house located at the edge of the Higurashi shrine.
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
Her reviere was broken as she bumped into something, and a gasp left her lips as her eyes trailed up the object blocking her path. No, not again! I can't face him again! Kagome backed away from the ancient tree that stood silently before her, fearing that he would still be standing just on the other side, anger burning in his golden eyes...
An icy breeze wound its way through her raven hair, pulling her out of the memory. She found herself aware for the first time that she was back home and not in the feudal era that she had just fled from. The fenced in tree that stood before her now was five hundred years older than the one that she had just seen.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just to real
There's just to much that time cannot erase
Kagome fell to her knees in front of the ancient sentinel. Why, Goshinboku? Large brown eyes gazed at the tree, almost as though expecting it to answer. Silence was the only message that the tree could give, and it was the response that it handed to the weeping girl now. Kagome lowered her eyes, closing them tight against the vision that haunted her. It had started out as just another stupid argument, but had turned into so much more...
"Inuyasha, I can take care of myself! Now just go away!"
Kagome was in one of those moods again, and all she wanted was a quiet evening walk near the Goshinboku to clear her head. But Inuyasha had followed her, refusing to give her the few precious moments that she needed.
"No you can't. Every time I let you outta my sight, you get into trouble. Who knows what kinda demons are lurking around out here, waiting to eat your soul or something!"
Kagome stopped walking away, her arms tensing at her side. "Inuyasha, SIT!"
The resounding thud behind her gave her little comfort, however. The headache that she had been hoping to dismiss was growing steadily worse, along with her temper. The cause of the headache had been the stress from the last few weeks. She was both mentally and emotionally exhausted after the ordeal with Gatenmaru and Inuyasha's transformation. He had almost lost his own soul that time, and just the thought of that day and the slaughter that had taken place was enough to cause her to breakdown now. All she wanted to do was have some time to think by herself, and he denied her even that!
By now Inuyasha had picked himself off the ground, his own temper rising quickly. "What'd ya do that for, Kagome?
Kagome whirled on him, and Inuyasha took a step back. Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes, which were burning with pain and anger. Maybe he'd said something he shouldn't have...
"I'm not the one who almost lost their soul, Inuyasha! Or did you forget what happened a few days ago? Your demon side almost consumed you, and there wasn't anything I could do to help you!"
Inuyasha, confused, retreated to the only defense he had when someone grew angry, and therefore did not stop to think of the consequenses before he opened his mouth. "Well, who asked you to do anything! I sure as hell didn't! I've managed to control my demon side my whole life without you or anyone else, so I don't need you or any other pathetic human to protect me from it now!"
"Inuyasha..." Kagome's brown eyes shone bright in the rising moon, and she let her arms fall to her sides as the hanyou's angry words sliced through her heart.
The half demon was too caught up in his own anger now to know when to back off. He continued, uttering the words that they would both later regret. "Oh, so what? Your gonna cry now? You really are pathetic! At least when Kikyo was around I didn't have to deal with bawling humans all the damn time! Why don't you just go home, if you can't handle it anymore?"
That had been the last straw, and Kagome stared at him, dumbfounded. How could he? She turned then, fleeing into the Forest of Inuyasha, running toward the Well and away from the hanyou who had just shredded her bleeding heart and thrown it back in her face.
The young miko pounded a delicate fist into the ground, forcing the memory from her mind. It was too fresh; she could not bear to face it again just yet. After everything that they had been through together; all of the times that she had stayed by his side, even when it meant her own life was in danger, and even the most recent time when she had stayed by his side after his latest transformation, trying helping him through his fear of being consumed... Through everything, she had stayed at his side, and she had given him her heart.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me
He had taken her heart and ripped it to shreds, throwing the shattered pieces to the wind. Now she was left, a broken shell, kneeling in front of the God Tree in her own time. She couldn't go back to him, not now.
Kagome sobbed. She let her sadness roll over her in waves, stealing her breath and leaving her gasping for air. The power of her grief was frightening, and after a few moments she fought to gain control of herself once more. Soon, the sobs were reduced to sporadic hiccups, and she once more dared to raise her eyes to the tree before her. New images pushed into her crowded mind, and Kagome found herself lost to them.
She could see the tree as it was when she had first looked upon it in the feudal era. Pinned to its grey, textured bark was a boy with silver hair and dog ears. She watched herself approach the sleeping boy, and on the breeze she could hear her own thoughts. He looks so peaceful...
The scene shifted to shortly after that, when she was also pinned to the tree by Mistress Centipede. She watched herself grasp Kikyo's arrow, dissolving it in a burst of lavender light. That had started the entire adventure, and Kagome had soon found herself tied to this mysterious boy and the life that he had put on hold fifty years before...
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind,
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Kagome shook her head, trying to clear the memories. But they refused to be silenced, as though some other being were forcing her to relive her time with the man who had just broken her heart.
The scene shifted suddenly, and she saw herself sitting at the base of the tree. Kagome looked closely, and she could see that her finger was bleeding. Wait a moment, I remember this...
It was around the time that Mnenomaru had awakened. She had spotted a Sacred Jewel shard in the trunk of the tree, near the scar that Inuyasha's imprisonment had left behind. When she had reached for it, the shard had pierced her finger.
A broken gasp escaped her ruby lips as she watched Inuyasha approach. She could faintly hear him ask if she was alone, but she paid him no mind as she waited for what she knew was coming next. The hanyou began ripping apart her favorite hankerchief, and the miko wacthed as he gently tied the cloth to her bleeding finger.
The memory disappeared, and was replaced by the image of herself, standing in the falling snow. After Mnenomaru had used her to attack Inuyasha, Kikyo had pushed her through the well. The image of him collapsed against that tree had burned itself into her memory that day. She still remembered everything, including the horror she had felt at the time. She couldn't believe that she had hurt him.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me
Just like she couldn't believe that he had hurt her now.
These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real,
there's just too much that time cannot erase.
The image shifted again, this time changing rapidly. Scene after scene assulted her, overwhelming her with conflicting emotions. She watched as Inuyasha awaoke from Kikyo's spell, barely avoiding being drug into Hell with his past love. Then Kagome was forced to relive the time that Inuyasha promised his life to the same woman who had pinned him to the God Tree fifty years before. The images would not stop coming, each one lingering just long enough to break her heart again before moving on to the next. The young girl could not stop the procession of memories; all she could do was curl her hands into fists until her palms bled freely onto the frozen ground below.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have...
All of me
"Kagome?"
Kagome drifted back to consciousness at the sound of her mothers voice. As she opened her chocolate eyes, she wondered briefly why she was laying on the ground.
Then the previous night came back to her, including the strange parade of memories that she had been helpless to stop. Along with those memories came the tears, and she stood, throwing herself into her mothers arms. "Oh, Mom!"
Mrs. Higurashi had no idea why her daughter was home, much less any clue as to why she had fallen asleep on the frozen ground beneath the Goshinboku. Nor did she know why her Kagome was covered in small cuts and dried blood. But regardless of the reason, she gathered her daughter close and led her inside the warm house to clean her up and get her a cup of hot tea. Kagome let her mother lead her, lost in her own thoughts as she tried to make sense of what had happened to her last night.
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
Once Mrs. Higurashi had washed her daughters wounds and settled her at the table with something warm to drink, she left in search of her father-in-law. Whatever was bothering Kagome, she knew that the older man would be of no help to her right now.
Kagome did not even notice when her mother left the room. She was barely even aware of the tea that sat on the table in front of her, even though she sipped at it absently. Why did I see those things? I didn't want to remember them...but something made me.
Her eyes focused briefly, and Kagome turned her head to look out the window. The sunlight was streaming in, bathing the red and gold of the autumn leaves in a soft glow. A gentle breeze shook the shedding limbs, and the falling leaves shimmered slightly as the wind carried them slowly to the ground. The girl closed her eyes against the beauty of the moment, unable to appriciate the world around her while her heart was breaking.
The sound of the chair dragging across the kithen floor broke the silence of the room. Kagome stood, making her way back outside and back to the base of the Goshinboku. She remembered suddenly something her mother had told her once. She had told her that the tree held all of their memories. Maybe that was what had happened to her last night...for some reason the Goshinboku had played back for her the memories that she had made with Inuyasha. Now it was apparently up to her to decide what she would do with those memories. They were a mix of god and bad times; of soft, secretive smiles and of tears and heartache.
Kagome sighed, trying to expell the pain that still ached deep within her young heart. There was no use; no matter how hard she tried, she could not shake Inuyasha from her life. For some strange reason they were tied together, bound by some invisible thread that bridged even the great gap of five hundred years in time.
But though you're still with me
A sad, knowing smile slipped across her ruby lips. Even though they were connected, there was still a distance between them. Inuyasha would have to be able to accept and let go of his past, or they would never truly be able to leap that final gorge that lay between them. In order for that to happen, he would have to let Kikyo go, and learn how to face the demon that tempted him from within. But he just didn't seem to have the desire to take that final step.
I've been alone all the way
One more memory drifted to the surface of her consciousness as she wiped the last tear from her smooth cheek. She smiled, nodding slightly as she moved back toward her home. The memory was of a silent promise that she had made to Inuyasha; to stay by his side, no matter what. And now, as she quietly thanked her mother and grabbed a few things from her bedroom, she made another promise.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears,
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years
I promise to follow my heart. Wherever it draws me, that's where I have to go. Even if that means a million more heartaches and tears. And right now, my heart is telling me that I have to go back; I have to return to him. That's where I belong.
But you still have...
All of me.