A/N: Tremendously huge thanks to mel60 for the beta. Thanks for reading!
Danny's hands trembled as he frantically washed Steve Alvarez's blood from them, cursing himself with every imaginable combination of insults. The violent pounding of nerves and adrenaline in his head and chest, invisible evidence of what he'd just been through, were more difficult to shed. He focused on cleaning his wedding ring as if it - and what it represented - would be permanently stained if the blood stayed for a second longer. As the shootout replayed in his mind, so did the day he put on the ring for the first time.
*******One Week Earlier*******
Falling in love was nothing like Danny expected. Which was appropriate considering he'd never expected it to happen in the first place. But by the time he was walking with Lindsay down the hallways of the court house he had come to expect anything and everything. He realized love would make a person do just about anything. Like now, as they turned the corner to the city clerk's office, he thought he might be certifiably crazy for surprising Lindsay with an impromptu wedding. Although they talked about the future, they never broached the subject of marriage since that day he'd proposed in front of the coffee stand. But he was about to make that all change.
Ever since she'd told him of her plans, he'd put the thought of Lindsay leaving for Montana out of his mind. So up until two days ago the reality of it hadn't sunk in. He knew it was just a simple trip back home, but the more he thought about it the more it unnerved him. Lindsay would be gone for only a couple of weeks but it made him think about being without her for good. What if, while she was away, she realized she was better off without him? What if, while telling her friends and family about the man who got her pregnant, she realized he was a huge disappointment? He couldn't blame her for thinking that way because he sometimes asked himself those same questions. But Danny now had a plan of his own.
Once the idea struck, things snowballed quickly. He talked to Mac and Stella about being witnesses, and picked out rings during his lunch break. Stella offered to go to the florist for a bouquet – something that had not even crossed his mind - while he stopped by the bank for a money order. Coming up with his barely believable excuse and convincing Lindsay to stop by the court house were the hardest part. The timing could certainly be more convenient. But it simply felt right.
When Danny proposed that day on the sidewalk, Lindsay wanted to say yes, scream it actually, throw her arms around him and cover him with kisses. But those urges instantly died. She'd once thought of love as a durable, unbreakable thing, but for awhile she'd come to believe that to be dangerously untrue. Fear was still too much a part of what she felt. So instead she said no, afraid he was only asking because she was pregnant. Afraid that he really didn't love her. It seemed she and Danny had their fists held high for so long she didn't know how to let her guard completely down. But now, as she looked up at him in the small court house corridor, she remembered a hundred different moments in the space of heartbeat. The day they met at the zoo, the first time he called her Montana, the time he carried her across the roof, the day he showed up in Montana. She felt that familiar swelling in her chest, the undeniable, sweet knowledge that this was the man for her. No matter what else would happen to her, she knew he was her true love. So this time she said yes.
As a young girl Lindsay always imagined being Cinderella on her wedding day. She'd wear a simple silk dress with her mother's veil, her hair styled into an elegant twist. So she felt a little out of place in her casual black pants and coat, standing in front of the stranger who would marry them. At least she'd unknowingly worn a white top that looked somewhat bridal. The small clerk's office was a far cry from the church filled with friends and family she'd pictured but none of the three people in the room could doubt what mattered most - the love between her and Danny.
After saying "I do" the night took on the hazy edges of a dream. They stood in the clerk's office for a moment, signing their marriage license, laughing and crying. Danny drove them to Lindsay's apartment, which he would talk to her about moving out of and into his. But first things first – their honeymoon.
Danny helped Lindsay out of her coat and slipped out of his before crossing the room to fiddle with the stereo. He caught Lindsay staring at the diamond solitaire he'd picked out for her and looked down at his own ring, the weight and shine of the bands on their fingers still pleasantly unfamiliar. When the music started - Sway by The Perishers - Danny reached for Lindsay.
"Come here, Mrs. Messer."
They smiled at each other as Lindsay walked into his arms, loving the feel of him against her, this time as her husband. Standing in the middle of her small apartment, surrounded by laundry and suitcases and other odds and ends for her trip to Montana, they slowly moved to the music and the world fell away. For Lindsay, it was the Cinderella moment she'd always dreamed of.
"I love you," Danny said.
"You better," Lindsay whispered.
Danny laughed and kissed Lindsay. It was a lazy kiss that turned intensely intimate as if all the emotions they experienced that day were released with every touch of their lips. It was deep and meaningful and lasted forever. Danny held Lindsay closely, breathed her in, tried to get a fill of her sufficient enough to sustain him for the couple of weeks she'd be gone. He already couldn't wait for her to be back so that she could be the first person he saw every morning and kissed goodnight. Forever. It simply did not get better than that.
Danny only pulled back when the song ended. He walked into the kitchen and came back with two champagne glasses and a cupcake from Lindsay's favorite bakery. Despite the suddenness of everything Lindsay was impressed by Danny's thorough planning.
"Sparkling cider," Danny said, eyeing Lindsay's stomach. "To the Messers," he toasted as they clinked their glasses together.
"Here." Danny held the cupcake up to Lindsay and she took a bite from his fingers. He smeared a little frosting on her lips, eliciting a giggle from Lindsay. "Newlyweds usually do that with wedding cake," he said almost apologetically.
"It doesn't matter. This is perfect."
"You know, even though we're married there's still a lot I haven't told you."
"Oh yeah? Like what?"
"Like how sexy you look pregnant."
Lindsay smiled and pulled Danny toward her, kissing him. "Thank you…for everything."
Danny looked at Lindsay, looked into her eyes, and saw the love that mirrored his own. "I'm going to do my best to make us happy…all three of us," he said, running a hand over Lindsay's stomach. "I promise."
"I'm already happy."
"You know what else I promise?"
"What?"
Danny's voice was soft and sexy when he replied, "I promise to make love to you every night, and maybe sometimes during the day too."
Laughing, Lindsay grabbed Danny's hand and led him to her bedroom. Each of them thought about telling their child about this day, about their unlikely and untraditional wedding. About the day they finally followed their instincts, and followed their hearts.
********************
The promises Danny made that day streamed through his mind as he scrubbed his ring. Promises he intended to keep with every fiber in his body. To make Lindsay happy. To be the guy she needed him to be. Even the 'til death do us part' - though he hadn't anticipated facing that scenario quite so soon. But then he did stupid shit like this - exactly what he meant when he told Mac he knew himself - going after a suspect without a vest, ending up in a hail of gun fire that he was lucky to walk away from alive.
As if reading his mind or sensing something from the thousands of miles separating them, Lindsay chose that instant to call and Danny couldn't help but chuckle at her timing. For a split second, he thought about ignoring her call, waiting until he was calmer. But he needed to hear her voice, drawn to the guaranteed comfort on the other end.
"Hey babe. How you feeling?" Lindsay always had a way of knowing him, seeing through him, so he spoke carefully, feigning his carefree tone. Maybe if he fooled Lindsay into believing everything was okay he'd believe it himself.
"Good. I just got back from a walk around the ranch." She sounded upbeat and happy, the opposite of how she'd been earlier that morning when he'd called her before his shift, forgetting about the time difference. Danny wished he could reach out to her, touch her, see the smile he knew was lighting up her face. He missed her desperately and looked forward to her daily updates on her growing stomach or some new movement from the baby. He even had some baby names he wanted to run by her, but that would have to wait.
"That's good."
"How are you?"
"Same old, same old over here." He lied. Sort of. It was the 'same old, same old' in the sense that once again he acted foolishly, letting his impulses get the best of him. That was nothing new. Leaving out the scary, life-threatening details was for the best – it wouldn't be good for Lindsay or the baby. He ignored the fact that he wasn't telling her for his own sake, that he was afraid to give her any reason to doubt him.
He would tell Lindsay what happened eventually. Maybe when she got back to New York or at least when he could think properly without tension pumping through his veins. So the panicked feeling that tightened his chest wasn't from his lie by omission. It was from the irrational fears splintering his thoughts. The familiar fear of disappointing Lindsay and their unborn child. The fear that reminded him of the time Lindsay once told him that he was the only person that could ever truly hurt her. He was never more aware of how brutally true that was than in this moment.
On their wedding day all of the uncertainties that plagued Danny for so long disappeared, wiped away with Lindsay by his side – believing in him, in them. But now he seemed to be crashing down from that bliss. Danny couldn't expect the change from impulsive and rebellious guy to model husband and father to happen overnight. He knew he was far from perfect but, like Mac said, he needed to believe in the best version of himself. The version that would let him and Lindsay live their very own happily ever after - but it would definitely take work.
For better or for worse. That's what they promised each other and even though Danny felt he sometimes brought more 'worse' to the table than 'better' he was determined to hold up his end of the bargain.