"Kurosaki-kun! I'm so glad you're here!"
"You called, Inoue?"
"Yes! I think I've finally found the solution to all our problems!"
"Er, what is it?"
"THREESOMES!" Orihime cried out joyfully.
"...wait, what?"
"Threesomes, Kurosaki-kun! Apparently, if you do them enough, they bring world peace. That's why I asked Kuchiki-san to come here too--"
"Sorry I'm late, Inoue," said Rukia, rushing towards them. "What was it you wanted me for?"
"Well, you see, Kuchiki-san, I was on the Internet! And I found this unusual article--it was about three kids, I don't remember their names...Naruko and Sakura and someone else, I think--anyway, they managed to save the world by having sex together! So I figured it could work for us too..." She looked confused for a moment. "Although they had to try several different positions before it worked...do you think it's the number or the type of position that matters?...Is Kurosaki-kun all right?"
Ichigo looked desperately at Rukia, silently pleading with her to get him out of this mess (he couldn't do it himself because he didn't trust himself to open his mouth.) Unfortunately, in his panic, he had forgotten one vital thing: The more you need her to do something helpful for once, the more likely Kuchiki Rukia is to stab you in the back.
"Oh, he's just surprised you thought of such a wonderful idea!" she replied, smiling. "I suppose we'll have to try them all...Let's hurry and bring him in; if we move quickly, we can get through two positions before he passes out from the shock."
"All right, Kuchiki-san! Let's go!"
Ichigo was going to die.