A/N: This is a response to a crossover meme "Tell us how _ would react to seeing _ nekkid!" I was so lucky to have House and Ed as the characters that wound up being thrown together for this particular one.
Clinic Visit
"Hmmmm… those are some interesting prosthetics you've got there," House said, sizing up Ed's automail, completely ignoring the fact that the younger man was naked and sporting an erection. "Do you have any pain at the connection points? I'd be interested in speaking to your mechanic." He twirled his cane as he leaned against the counter in the clinic treatment room.
"Damn it, bastard, I'm not here to get you a new leg," Ed growled. "If you haven't noticed, I've got a hard on, and it hasn't gone away in four hours! Some asshole thought it would be funny to sneak some Viagra into my food."
"Have you tried, I don't know, jerking off?" House asked, with his usual 'all patients are idiots' tone of voice.
"You think I haven't tried that? Chafed my dick raw doing it." Ed crossed his arms and huffed. "Help me out, doc. I don't have all day."
"Hmmm," House pretended to think for a moment. "I think this calls for an alternative treatment." He opened a drawer and pulled out a tube, then removed a pair of gloves from the box on the counter and pulled them on slowly. "Direct prostate stimulation." He smirked and approached Ed. "Now bend over the exam table."