Title: Shinobi Grape Juice by Micah.n10
Genre: Humor/Romance
Characters: Iruka, Kakashi, Anko (Kakashi/Iruka, Anko/Ibiki implied)
Rating: T
Status: Series of One-Shots. The stories link together but aren't exactly in order.
Summery: Rumor has it, a certain chuunin sensei was happily molested in his own class. Anko wants answers.
Comments: Stupid grape juice. I know how this feels, minus the ninjas of course.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. Will return only slightly tainted.
Umino Iruka hated grape juice. It was always too sweet or too sour or too… reminding. He openly glared at the glass sitting atop his desk given as some kind of mock peace offering. The irony was not lost on him. Stupid, stupid juice. His glare intensified as the condensation dripped.
Beside the academy sensei sat Mitarashi Anko, his childhood friend, sometimes confidante - interrogator. She smiled in a soft placating manor which only served to frighten the chuunin sensei further. Nothing good ever came from that smile, and he should know, he was the one who taught it to her.
Her smile was gentle, warm and inviting. It held the promise of making dark corners a little brighter, shared kindness, understanding and everything else he offered his own students. Nothing about that smile gave away the kunoichi's true nature - until you saw her eyes. Iruka suppressed a shiver.
Damnit! Why, why had he taught her that smile? With every bit of warmth that radiated from those gentle lips her eyes darkened threefold. One could never, even for a second, forget Anko was a predator, a kunoichi, a jounin shinobi of the highest esteem… the Konoha gossip queen. No, one must never forget.
Iruka gulped.
Stupid damn juice, stupid fake peace offering, stupid Anko - okay not stupid Anko, but damn stupid gossiping ninja village! So stupid, stupid…he continued berating himself and the juice.
Over many years, Konoha, home to shinobi and civilians alike had survived wars and demon attacks. They suffered bloodshed, economic unbalance, structural and personal loss, monsters and traitors but through it all there was always one unwavering constant. The Grapevine. Gossip was a small light at the end of a killing tunnel that let people who thought themselves machines keep in contact, have a little hope, feel a little more human.
Gossip was something every ninja could share without the blood, without the killing. It was safe, and for the most part, harmless. This made it fair to say in a village containing some of the lands greatest shinobi, nothing ever stayed secret.
With that one bit of constant truth in mind Umino Iruka, chuunin, academy sensei and grown male sat behind his desk glaring at the damn glass of grape juice hoping it and she would just go away. Not that there was any point in making his thoughts better known to the kunoichi. Anko was, if nothing else, T&I's second favorite torturer/interrogator. What was a student weary glare compared to that?
--------------------
Leaning forward in her chair, elbow resting atop a few loose assignments, the interrogator drawled. "So…"
"So…" Iruka let his eyes momentarily flicker to meet his tormentors.
She smirked. "You catch?"
"N-NANI!" the chuunin's eyes snapped wide in horror.
"I asked," she repeated slowly, as if speaking to a particularly dense student. "If you catch? I don't peg Kakashi-kun as the type to lay down and take it. Which means-"
"Anko!" Iruka chided before her sentence could end.
"Oh, come now Ruka-kun." Her eyes rolled. "If you're doing it - you can say it."
Indignantly puffing out his chest, the sensei retorted, "And w-who says I've been doing anything?" Good, he thought. That almost sounded confidant.
Anko sighed. "Always the innocent sensei?"
For one short peaceful moment Iruka relaxed. Really, he should have known better.
"Or does this mean my little Ruka nii-chan is seme? You dog! So, how does he like it? Do you pin him to the wall? Maybe over a table? Or the desk, ne sensei?" Her eyes gleamed with the prospect of village worthy gossip.
Iruka sat somewhat frozen, morbidly wide eyes, mind feebly attempting to will his cherry colored blush away. Staring at said desk, where not two days ago he'd been the one bent forward, writhing, keening and begging for more was not helping. His poor innocent desk, virgin no more.
Iruka felt the heat rising towards his ears. This is not happening. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried for calm, a very forced calm. "Anko-kun…"
"Sensei, you're blushing!" Anko practically squealed. "I bet he begged to be punished, that hentai reading pervert. Ruka, I need details. Absolutely everything! To think that lazy-ass actually said-"
Lazy-ass said something? Iruka's worrying curiosity piqued. Kakashi said something? To Anko? Sudden dread washed away all trace of his previously growing blush. What did he say? What the hell could he have said? Very cautiously the chuunin's eyes narrowed. "Ano, Anko-kun… what did Kakashi-sensei tell you?"
The kunoichi froze in her joyous spiel. Her mouth strangely chocking on any comforting words that might have come to front. Slowly, so not to aggravate the irate chuunin, she took a deep breath and swallowed dryly. Anyone who knew Umino Iruka, knew that voice. It was most definitely not the commanding 'Teacher Voice' so many jounin, chuunin, genin and pre-genin feared. No, this voice was known by only a select few. Notably, Izumo, Kotetsu, Genma, Raidou and herself.
This voice hinted something worse then any teachers voice ever could. Quite calmly, Umino Iruka had said, 'tell me everything you know or risk waking up bald, pink and covered head to toe in obscene tattoos.' For the kunoichi, this would probably mean poodles, and rainbows. She shivered.
Anko's hesitation was not conducive to her hairs preservation, and a raised eyebrow told her just so. "Now, Anko." Iruka glared.
"Nothing, Ruka-kun." She added the pet name in a hope to remind the chuunin he loved his long time friend and really didn't wish her any harm. This of course did not work.
"Anko-chan, please be so kind as to tell me exactly what that hentai said? Sometime in the next few minutes would be preferred."
"Okay, sure." Anko paled. No way was she going against that voice.
Even the Third Hokage had woken up victim to the infamous Umino Revenge no Jutsu. To be specific, he'd woken to a room -roof, walls, floor, and self- covered in chicken feathers. It had happened that fateful weekend after the then genin-prankster found out it was the Hokage who had been responsible for sending him on a week long mission to a chicken farm. Supposedly 'character building'. No one knew how he'd gotten in and out undetected while the Sandaime was under the protection of two ANBU guards.
"We had a bet alright,"
Iruka's eye twitched.
"About Shiranui-san! Not - nothing else, just Shiranui and his senbon. Which I won, by the way." For a moment Anko's features took on a more whimsical approach. She grinned. "I bet him for ownership of his Icha Icha. Just for a week of course. Wouldn't want the pervert to become porn deprived after all. Some of us have missions with him."
Unlike most would believe, Iruka's patients was not unending. "And…"
"And we got to talking about those rumors of him molesting an academy sensei in front of the students." She groaned. This was not going to end well.
"Yes…" the sensei's eye twitched again. Stupid jounin and his stupid molesting mouth. It had taken three hours before the sensei finally scrapped classes and sent his mini-interrogators home early. There'd been another week before he'd willingly kiss said molesting mouth again - punishment he'd discovered to be a double edged sword. How dare that bastard be such an addictive kisser.
"Well obviously I couldn't blindly believe our little chuunin sensei had been part of something so gossip worthy," Anko continued, hoping above all else that frosty look in the chuunin's eyes wasn't specifically aimed at her. Scary. "Even when uninvited. But the hentai insisted."
Remembering their conversation Anko realized, not only had it been a surprise to hear such a story from the Copy-Nin's own lips, but another once said rumor was indeed confirmed true. Adding to her surprise was the news it probably wasn't all that uninvited. Her little nii-chan had himself a lover. Anko smiled but it was ruined by the sudden frown.
--------------------
Face blank from the inner turmoil coursing through his body, Iruka watched every expression cross his childhood friends face. Sometimes she was just like him, an easy to read book. The smiles were okay, Anko was truly happy for him no matter the one-hundred-and-twelve attempts at Kakashi name calling. It was the frown he didn't like. There was something the kunoichi did not want to say which only caused an equal frown to form as his response.
"Anko-kun?"
Anko's eyes snapped back to focus on the inquisitive chuunin. Slowly, she stood and gathered the few scrolls she'd come in with. Part of being a ninja was knowing when to retreat. For all intense purposes, the safety of bodily hair for instance, Anko intended to speak then sprint. She wasn't suicidal after all - though there was that small glint in her eyes. No matter what happened, she'd get some masochistic pleasure out of this.
"He said… you were begging for it."
"NANI?"
Time to go. Anko moved around the desk towards the door only to run into one red-faced, foaming-mouthed sensei. She gulped.
Stalking around the wide-eyed kunoichi, switching their positions so she had no way of leaving without hurting the chuunin or bamphing away, Iruka fumed. He forgot rank and skill because it didn't matter. This was him and his friend. "I did not beg!"
"Calm down, Ruka-kun. I know. I even went so far as to tell him so. Not in front of the children, right sensei?"
Iruka growled. "What else did that bastard say?"
Anko swallowed. "Nothing."
"You sure?" Iruka took a step forward as Anko unconsciously stepped back.
"Y-yes," there was another step forward and another step back.
Iruka's eyebrow rose ever so slightly, unbelieving.
"No!" Anko meeped as her back hit the chalkboard. He's going to kill me. She thought longingly about the last night she'd spent with Ibiki, about the spy at T&I she wouldn't get to torture, about the uneaten dango in her fridge. In the distance there was a continuous muffled tapping.
Iruka stood a little over a meter away, arms folded across his chest, foot tapping with irritation. If she survived, Anko would definitely have to suggest the teachers ability to pry information easily from his targets to T&I's Captain.
Taking what might very well be her final breath, she let the last of the Copy-Nin's words fall from her lips. "He said cute, sexy, Kami. Cute when you blush, sexy when you pout but Kami when you're underneath and begging."
The last of it said, Anko screwed her eyes shut in a very un-shinobi like fashion. She waited for the storm that was Umino Iruka. Waited for the yelling, the stammering, the indignant fury. She waited. And waited.
After two long minutes of silence the kunoichi gathered her mental will and ever so carefully peeked through thick lashes. The hell? Her jaw dropped.
Standing some meters back from where she'd last seen him was one grinning, half-lidded chuunin. The scar across the bridge of his nose stood out in stark contrast to the deepening blush across his features. This, however, was all she could see of her Ruka nii-chan because plastered against the front of his torso was one silver-haired, lazy-assed, hentai loving, jounin. Said jounin's arms were snaked around Iruka's waist, his face nestled against the chuunin's neck, cloth covered lips whispering against his ear.
Hatake Kakashi had done what no man, woman or shinobi alike had ever done - pacified a bristling, emotion churning Umino Iruka. What ever the Copy-Nin's words, they were like a drug to the man.
Well, Anko smirked. Her little nii-chan certainly had a lover. If only people had known this trick sooner. Maybe Kakashi would be willing to share? Unconsciously the kunoichi took a step forward. Maybe it's one of his thous- her thoughts were cut off by the sudden possessive flame in Iruka's eyes. He scowled as though just remember their previous conversation.
"You," Iruka hissed as he latched onto the Copy-Nin's vest. "You told her those things." He pinned said Copy-Nin against the wall closest to the door. "Private things, Kashi."
Anko blinked, then blinked again. Iruka's tongue was doing a clear impression of an infiltration mission, one which the Sharingan Kakashi obviously had no problems with. Wow. She blinked a third time, just for good measure.
"Private," Iruka bit the jounin's bottom lip, pulling it as far as he could before Kakashi whimpered. Only then did he let go. "Do you even know what that means?" The latter was punctuated by a roll of the hips.
The jounin's intelligent response went something along the lines of "Uhng…"
As much as Anko was enjoying the show, -what self respecting woman wouldn't enjoy the spectacle of Konoha's two sexiest shinobi practically eating each others mouths out?- she coughed and cleared her throat. Best to remind the happy, or in Iruka's case not so happy, couple she was still there. After all, Iruka was her nii-chan and watching him fornicate was just, well, odd.
Groping the jounin's backside, rolling his groin against Kakashi's and reaching up to capture already kiss swollen lips, Iruka growled. Pulling back from the keening ninja, he glanced over his shoulder, expression just as dark as when he'd begun.
Again latching onto the Copy-Nin's vest, Iruka spun their positions, forcing the other to walk backwards, legs entwined; lips, tongue and teeth all in a fierce battle for domination. After what seemed an eternity in their walking-kissing-moaning battle, the chuunin slammed Kakashi against his desk.
Anko coughed again, eyes slightly wide.
Forcefully pushing the nin from his lips, Iruka growled with a voice more male and sultry then she'd ever given him credit for. "Out, now." Then he turned back to his Copy-Nin obviously not caring whether she did or did not comply.
Slamming his hips against a gasping Kakashi, Iruka continued. "You need to learn when to shut the hell up, damnit."
"Why? What do you plan on doing about it, Sensei?" Kakashi leered between the moans.
"Bastard." Iruka swiftly yanked the jounin's legs out from under him, slamming his body flat against the desk. Kakashi grunted, air all but gone from his lungs.
Beside them, a forgotten glass of grape juice shattered upon the floor effectively breaking the kunoichi from her stupor. Iruka fumbled for the jounin's zipper, moaning as the mans hands slipped beneath his shirt. Anko's face blushed a shade of red even she didn't know was possible before she snatched up the last of her scrolls and scampered out the classroom door. A barrage of moans falling in her wake.
Now, according to anyone in the know, shinobi did not run away unless the mission called for it. Therefore, Anko did not run. She strolled at a brisk pace. Some civilians might not have seen the blur that was her motions, but most shinobi, at least the ones that mattered, would have. So they couldn't call it a running retreat. If someone could see her moving, then she wasn't technically running. No. She was just in a hurry to go read her new scrolls. Definitely not running away. At least, that was her story and she was sticking to it.
END
------------------------
I'm done. YAY! This is my first Naruto fic so please be kind, rewind. Reviews welcome, I'll still love you even if you hated it.