Spanish Mission

Buffy: Giles, tell me again why the latest Slayer Aptitude Test has to be held in the ass-end of nowhere?

Giles: This is a crucial part of your training as Slayer, Buffy, at least as far as the Councils' concerned. Please do try to stay focused. This text is extremely challenging, and comes with its share of peril.

Buffy: Don't they all?

Giles: Yes, now then… the first part of the test is an obstacle course of sorts. Make your to the church and find your way inside. It isn't quite as simple as it sounds. I'll meet you inside best of luck.

Buffy: Oh, sure, you get to wait inside the church and I'm out here with the peril.

Giles: Look sharp, Buffy. Prepare yourself for battle.

Vampire: SLAYER!

Buffy: Hello! I've got a special vampire treat right here for… Or not. Giles! Lacking some vampire-fighting accoutrements here!

Giles: I'm afraid you'll simply have to improvise with your fists and feet while I search for a weapon.

Giles: Buffy! Will this do? Catch!

Buffy: Wooden. Pointy. Looks good to me.

Buffy: And look, more company!

Giles: Well done, Buffy. Truly. I told the Council you didn't even need to put through this exercise. You've proven me correct.

Buffy: Do I get a cookie?

Giles: Rendezvous with me at the front of the church, but keep an eye out. There's a vampire nest within and you must proceed with caution.

Buffy: Caution. My middle name. Only not really.

Giles: Beyond this door you will face your final change. Have a care though. The entrance is protected by a mystical ward that will bar you from passing through unless you have the three keys. These are not traditional keys, but engraved stone. I have already found one. Now you must find and retrieve the others, which are hidden here in the church.

Buffy: An Easter egg hunt! Oh Joy! Will you be wearing a bunny suit?

Giles: Buffy, please try to focus. The levity is appreciated but this is a crucial part of this exercise. I'll aid you if I can. I shall begin searching at the back the church.

Buffy: Trust me. I'm focused. Making with the funny is just a way to shake off the wiggins this place is giving me. There's something really peculiar around here that's spooking me.

Giles: Actually, I think it's quite charming nothing to worry about, I'm sure.

Giles: Congratulations, Buffy. You're doing very well thus far. Now we come to an opportunity for you to demonstrate your marksmanship with the crossbow. Now the fun really starts. Let's see if you can dust them a distance.

Buffy: Long distance dusting. New Olympic event.

Giles: Excellent shooting, Buffy. I do believe your aim has improved.

Buffy: That's me! Death from above.

Giles: Buffy, quickly now, follow me to the bell tower. I've found something.

Buffy: A bell?

Giles: Well, yes, that. But also a secret passageway. Come on then.

Giles: There, Buffy, where the floor tiles look newer. According to an arcane text I've found, there should be a hatch in the floor that leads to a hidden passageway. Unfortunately, it seems that at some point the hatch was sealed. We'll need something heavy to break through the tile. Now, let's have a look around.

Buffy: Or up? I'm wondering if maybe a one-ton bell, say, crashing from above, might do the trick.

Giles: Well, it's erring on the side of overkill, but given the absence of other options-

Buffy: Then it's a plan I'm going up. Just and clear and try not to get squashed.

Giles: I'll do my best.

Giles: I'm afraid you're on your own form here on out. I'll meet up with again after you have faced the final challenge. Once you have inserted all of the stone keys in their places, the main entrance will open.

Buffy: Check. I'll meet you there.

Buffy: Nice, it kinda has that interior decorator from Hell thing happening.

The Master: Slayer.

Buffy: Ever have the feeling you been somewhere before? So, which one of you is Curly?

The Master: What's the, Slayer? You look like you've seen a ghost. What, now witty banter? I'm crushed. I had built up so much nostalgia for our reunion. Ah, well…