I'd like to start this off by saying that I do not own either Naruto OR One Piece. I will also state that you don't really need to know anything about One Piece to understand this. I ALSO want to say that I do not condone the disparaging of other peoples' ships.
It was a sunny day in Konohagakure, and Sasuke Uchiha was strolling down a street as happily as he could. This pseudo-happiness was interrupted when Naruto Uzumaki approached him.
"Have you read the latest One Piece volume yet?" Naruto asked, practically hovering with the pent up energy only given by a truly emotional manga chapter.
Sasuke looked at the vibrating blonde, "Forty-one? Not yet. I was just heading to the bookstore to get it."
Naruto stepped back as if struck. He growled at the stoic dark-haired boy before replying, "Damnit! I need to freak out over this with someone, ya know! So hurry up!"
"Freak out over what?" The Uchiha asked, slightly irritated at the seemingly monumental moment he apparently had yet to witness.
"Volume forty-one, ya know! What else?" Seeing Sasuke's eyes start to form his infamous glare, he quickly added, "Don't worry! I'm not gonna spoil it, ya know!" Naruto tugged at his hair and growled again, "But it was so awesome! Luffy- Gah!" The blonde punctuated his sentence by slamming his head on the table.
Hearing the commotion, Sakura Haruno stepped into the conversation. "It was only the single most romantic moment to happen between Luffy and Robin."
Naruto twitched, "Yeah! It almost made me ship them, ya know!" He looked to Sasuke as if some grandiose reaction was about to occur.
"That's practically spoiling it, you know."
"You haven't read it?" Sakura herself looked positively horrified at the thought.
Sasuke's jaw tightened before he strained his response, "No, I was, in fact, going to the bookstore just now to purchase – and subsequently read – the new volume. So please refrain from talking about in within my earshot until I do."
Appearing even more horrified than before, Sakura clamped her hands over her mouth dramatically, not wanting to upset the dark boy.
A few minutes passed as the three teammates begrudgingly struck up conversation with each other as they headed to the shop. It worked, for a while, but Naruto and Sakura kept straying back to the topic and each time catching themselves later. Eventually, Sasuke got annoyed enough to tell them off.
"I will proceed to the bookstore – Alone! – and I will get volume forty-one – and read it! – and then you two can – have mercy on me – talk all about it in my presence. But until all of these events have passed, leave me alone." He glared equally at the two, first Sakura then Naruto, before deftly turning away from the pair and striding away as they stood stock still in the street.
"Right." Sakura said dejectedly, as Naruto shouted after Sasuke, "Well, hurry up!"
Naruto then turned to his only female teammate, saying, "So, Luffy ordering Sogeking to 'Make that flag burst into flame' was probably the most badass thing he's done in this arc, ya know."
Sakura immediately brightened, "I know! And that moment with Robin? Ugh, they are so meant for each other!"
That little statement stopped Naruto in his tracks. He had been about to make a comment about the sheer balls needed to declare war on the world, but Sakura had made a mistake.
"Um, Sakura-chan, Luffy is destined to end up with Nami, not Robin."
"He he, what?" Sakura stared incredulously at the ninja who continuously proved himself to be an idiot, "Have you not been paying attention? Luffy drove Robin from suicide with just a few words. That alone shows how much Luffy has affected Robin."
"So? Luffy does stuff like that all the time, ya know! He befriended and recruited both Zoro and Nami, who were supposed to be against pirates, and what about Chopper? Besides! Remember Arlong Park? Luffy gave Nami his hat, ya know! HIS HAT!" Naruto was shouting loudly now; although, he did that fairly often anyway. "He's never given Robin his hat, ya know!"
"He practically gave it to her before Alabasta!" The shouting was contagious, it seemed.
Naruto chuckled at that, "You mean she stole it!"
"Hey! Whenever some else messed with his hat, Luffy beat them up! But when Robin took it, he didn't do anything! That's something big right there!"
The arguing pair continued on their way, slowly nearing a small food booth where they could disturb other customers with their bickering. It continued for a few minutes before their meal was served. They paused to think of more 'proof' while they ate, and gradually heed their food as they glared across the table at each other.
As they exited the small stall, they had reached the peak of their argument – the part in which they finally start dragging others into it.
Naruto was the one to initiate. He had seen the white-eyed girl walking peacefully down the road, minding her own business, and simply had to get her involved.
"Hinata!" He yelled boisterously, and his voice made the shy girl jump. "Hinata!" The whiskered boy shouted again, jogging lightly toward her with Sakura following behind. "I need you, ya know!"
He reached her, and grabbed her shoulder to turn her around to face him and Sakura. Hinata's face had lit up with a fantastic blush that only dimmed slightly when she saw the other girl.
"Y-yes?" She asked diffidently, eyes wandering between the two present members of Team Kakashi.
"We need you to settle an argument." Sakura stated seriously.
Already planning to take Naruto's side – or console him if he was drastically maligned in his thoughts – Hinata nervously nodded. "O-okay."
"So, this idiot," Sakura gestured to her most orange teammate, missing Hinata's flinch at the I-word, "Has got it in his thick skull that Monkey D. Luffy, aspiring Pirate-King, is Nami's soulmate, instead of Robin's, and I need you to help me set him straight."
"And I need you to help this harlot—" Hinata gasped at the rude address that Naruto had begun using when he first found out that Sakura was one of the worst human beings. "—see that she's got it backwards, ya know! And that Nami is the only one who deserves Luffy, and that Robin should just stay out of it, ya know!"
After discerning that her two friends were talking about something as insignificant as pairing for some show, Hinata was sorely tempted to just blindly agree with Naruto, but she had gotten curious after seeing Naruto get worked up enough over it to actually insult Sakura, the girl on whom he'd harbored a crush since he met her.
"A-ah, s-sorry. But what are y-you two talking about?"
The two looked at each other before allowing themselves to look abashed, "Right," Naruto said, rubbing his neck embarrassedly, "We kinda just pulled you into this unexpectedly, huh? We were talking about One Piece."
That manga? That made sense, Hinata supposed. Well, she'd better not agree then, or she might get sucked into a conversation she wouldn't be able to keep up with. She had read some manga, and she had seen plenty of situations in which a character tried to talk about something they had no knowledge of. It wasn't something Hinata relished doing.
"U-um. I actually haven't r-read One Piece, so I-I wou—"
Well, that certainly was the wrong thing to say. At some point during her statement, Sakura had gasped and Naruto had grabbed Hinata's hand.
The two had given off a whole new level of fast-talking as Naruto dragged Hinata towards his house – she really hoped she didn't faint – with Sakura close behind.
Apparently they were taking her so she could read forty-one volumes of a popular manga that they both liked. Well, Hinata supposed that if it could bring her closer to Naruto, it couldn't be all that bad.
Maybe she could end up cuddling with him as they read it together, or – heavens forbid – him reading it to her.
"I will not faint. I will not faint. I will not faint." Hinata's blush brightened as she muttered a mantra to help her focus on not passing out as her fantasies escalated.
Hours upon hours passed that day, as morning turned into afternoon, into evening, into night. The trio marathoned all forty-one volumes. At some point, Naruto had even gone so far as to send a shadow clone to the Hyuuga residence and Haruno household to inform the parents of the two girls that a vital life-giving process was occurring in the Uzumaki's apartment.
They had finally reached the sixteenth volume when they finally passed out.
The volume was sitting on the coffee table, opened to a page which depicted a man with a straw hat carrying a woman as he scaled an icy mountain.
The man, being Luffy, and the woman, being Nami, were in one of many situations that Naruto continuously pointed out, "proving" that the two were meant for each other.
This pattern continued for three more days, with the three switching between Sakura's house and, at some point, Sasuke's residence.
Finally, Hinata had gotten caught up with all forty-one volumes, and Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto all looked expectantly to hear her thoughts on Oda's masterpiece. Sakura and Naruto more so as they simultaneously inquired: "Who do you think is better a match for Luffy?"
Hinata blushed at the attention before stuttering out, "P-personally, I-I think a crew-wide orgy would suit them b-better."
I'm honestly not sure about how well-received this one'll be. I think it's kinda weird and poorly executed, but I couldn't help it. I had to go through with this idea.
For one, Sakura and Naruto having a shipping war just seemed ridiculous. And Hinata being the one to want an orgy to happen was just – I dunno. I like it.
The quiet minds are usually the dirtiest, right?