March 25, 2012; 2:48 am
When I woke up, I was huddled in the back of the van. I had a feeling it was in motion, judging by the slight sway of the vehicle. I picked up my head and strained my eyes to see that the only other person who was awake in the van was Onyx, who was driving. He couldn't tell I was awake; if he did, he didn't point it out.
It was then that I realized that all I felt was pain. It was coming from my right thigh. I placed a cautious hand there, and a new wave of hurt ran through me. I pulled my hand away and I noticed it was wet. When the van passed under a street light, I saw that my hand was covered in blood.
I usually don't freak out over blood, but when it's my own and it's oozing out of me the game changes completely. I stifled a scream.
"You alright?" I hear Onyx ask. I guess he heard me anyway. I make an odd noise in the attempt to say yes, despite my wanting to say no. I can't look weak in front of him. Especially because of what we've been through…
My memory of what had happened that had caused my bloody leg suddenly came rushing back to me. So many innocent people, dead. I could still hear the explosion pounding in my ears. The physical pain I felt was nearly muted by guilt. This was all because of me and my selfishness.
I must've said my last thought out loud, because then Onyx said, "No, it's not. You're helping so many people. A majority of the people there knew what was gonna happen. It wasn't your fault."
I was silent then for two reasons. The first was that my voice was ruined from all of my screaming, and the second was that I needed to clear my mind. Despite Onyx's comfort, I still felt responsible for all of those people. On top of that, the colder part of me was upset that Sybil, Elisabeth, and Simon aren't alive to help us any longer. Our team was now minus three, and we haven't even made it to 1967 yet.
I just hoped Onyx wouldn't be the next one to die. I didn't want to admit it, but I wasn't sure if I could live in a world where he's not there.
I would die before he would, especially before telling him this.