(A/N: a little dark , if i might say so myself . but deff. one of my best short song fics yet. I don't own any of the characters or the song. Character's belong to Paramount & the song to Yellowcard.)
Freddy's POV.
"I think...I think we should see other people." Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Like I just got the wind knocked out of me by a 500 pound linebacker. The room was spinning as she continued speaking. I couldn't hear what she was saying, my mind was still trying to translate those words "we should see other people". She sighed and I looked at her. I didn't know what to say, she was trying to read my expression, which was probably a mix of confusion and fustration and a broken heart. You hear songs about it, but I seriously felt there was nothing in place of where my heart used to be, before she ripped it right out.
Broken this fragile thing now And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces.
"Unless you can give me a reason not too." Why could I only hear that part of her sentance?
"I..." I started, I blinked. I didn't know what to say, what do you say to something like that. I can't loose her, but I can't give her a reason to stay. She won't listen. Katie was stubborn, I couldn't talk her out of it. "I think you should do whatever you think is right for you."
She stared at me. The empty feeling in my chest grew heavier; I couldn't believe those words came out of my mouth.
"That's not a reason for me to stay." She stared blankly at me, obviously confused. I don't think she was expecting what I said. I think she was expecting me to throw myself down at her feet and beg her not to go. Which was my original plan, but maybe this will work out of the better.
"I...yeah. I think that--"
She started crying. I couldn't continue to talk, I couldn't bare to see her cry.
"I'm sorry that I can't give you a reason to stay." I looked away from her, I didn't want to make eye contact, that would only make things worse.
And I've thrown my words all around But I can't, I can't give you a reason.
In silence, I glanced over at her. She was still trying to read my face, almost as if she were expecting me to shout "Just Kidding!" and laugh it off, like it was one big joke. She's not the only one.
"Is this it?" She questioned me, wiping her tear stained cheek with her hand. I wanted to reach out my hand to get rid of her tears for her. But something was holding me back.
I looked down at the ground. "Yeah. I guess so..."
She gave me another look, a look of pure destestment and dissapointment. I watched as she left my room, I wanted to run after her. I wanted to make her feel okay again. I wanted to shout out to her not to leave. I felt my heart pound in my chest as I searched my room for a piece of paper.
I feel so broken up And I give up.
I just want to tell you so you know
To whom it may concern; I stared at the words I had just written on the peice of paper. I crossed them out, my hand was shaking as I did so.
Katie.
I'm sorry.
I blinked away the tears that were starting to form in my eyes. I picked up my phone, I know she wouldn't have been home yet, but I could always leave a message.
After the first ring, I slammed my phone shut. My first instinc was to run down the street to try and find her, to tell her to come back, to tell her to stay, to tell her I'm sorry that I ever made her feel like we couldn't be together anymore, that I'm sorry I pushed her away.
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you;
You are my only one.
I looked out my window, she was long gone by now. I glanced over at the piece of paper that was sitting on my desk, the black pen lying beside it; waiting for me to finish writting.
I pushed you away.
But now--I don't know how to say this...
A tear drop dripped down on to the piece of paper, smearing the word, "Sorry".
I let go, but there's just no one that gets me like you do;
You are my only, my only one.
I pushed open my bedroom door and locked myself into the bathroom. I threw open the medicene cabnet and pulled out a bottle of Tylonal, pouring half the contiants into the palm of my hand, I shoved them all into my mouth, reaching for the blue bathroom cup, filling it with water and with one gulp, I felt the pills slide slowly down my throw.
I sat down on the floor, leaning against the counter, trying to make myself feel better thinking of things in my life that have been worse than this day. Nothing came to me. She was gone. My world, my everything, my only one. She's gone. I felt hot tears start to make their way down my cheeks, dripping down onto my neck.
Made my mistakes, let you down And I can't, I can't hold on for too long.
I had the razor blade in my hand. I took one look at myself in the mirror before looking down at my wrist. I could make everything disappear. For a moment, I could make myself feel better. Everything would just slowly start to fade.
If I wasn't looking right at it, I wouldn't even have noticed the blade cutting through my skin. When I knew I couldn't take anymore, I stopped. The blood was just dripping off my arm onto the white floor when I grabbed for the blue cloth. I sat there, staring at the blood that was seeking through the cloth, tears blurred my vision.
Ran my whole life in the ground And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone.
I stood up and walked quickly back to my room. I grabbed the pen off the desk, and sat down in my desk chair. I stared at the paper in front of me. I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't see to write it out.
I knew I couldn't live without her. She should know that, I knew that. Then why couldn't I write it down? I sighed, throwing the pen across the room. It hit my wall with a thump and I pushed myself up out of the chair and punched the wall the pen just hit.
I was breathing heavily by the time I returned back to the chair. I pulled out another pen and scribbled down on the peice of paper.
She has to know what I was feeling.
And something's breaking up I feel like giving up I won't walk out until you know
I called her, she's on her way over. I folded up the note and placed it in an envelope, writing her name on the front and placed it on my desk.
"Hello?" I heard her call from downstairs, before I heard her footsteps ascending the staircase.
I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. "I'm in my bedroom." I mananged to say. I quickly ran into the bathroom, locking the door.
I heard her open my bedroom door, her footsteps gliding across my floor to my desk on which the evelope lay. I could hear her picking it up.
Katie.
I'm sorry.
I pushed you away But now--I don't know how to say this.
I don't love you.
Here I go so dishonestly.
She sat down on my bed, I could tell.
I picked up the yellowish tinted pill bottle. Pain killers. I flipped up the lid open, pouring the entire containts into my hand.
Leave a note for you my only one
I know you think I'm lying.
...but...I'm not.
I just don't know how to put this into words.
And I know you can see right through me
You deserve more than me, you deserve everything that you've always ever wanted. I know I can't give that to you. I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry I couldn't make you stay.
I'm sorry for the way I acted. I'm just...sorry.
So let me go and you will find someone
I heard the creak of the bed, and the steps of her walking towards the bathroom.
She knocked on the door. I threw back the pills in the palm of my hand into my mouth, I turned on the water, reaching for the bathroom cup. This time it took two gulps before I got them all gone.
"Finish reading." I simply told her.
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one I let go, but there's just no one, no one like you You are my only, my only one
I felt myself get lightheaded, the room was spinning too fast. I fell to the ground. After a second Katie burst open through the door of the bathroom.
"My only one." I spoke, I didn't even know if the words came out of my mouth or if she heard me, the last thing I heard was her screaming.