Sorry its so long...heehee?

Please note: This is a Human!trolls story.

Warning: Cursing,self harm,and some inside jokes that might not make much sense..Also there may or may not be some slightly sexy-time ..Because,even in an Angsty fanfic,I can include sexy-time. And shipping. Lots of sexy-time and shipping...

Uh,just so you know couples are:

Tavros/Gamzee(Its kinda..obvious..)

Sollux/Karkat(T.T It's my fanfic. I can include my OTP if I want! :T)

Eridan/Nepeta(Im sorry! B-but..EVERYONE LOVES CATFISH!)

I also decided that I wanted to have the characters represent someone in my life(And just because I put the characters together in the story,doesn't mean they are in real life. Jesus.)

Tavros:Me.(Because..yes,I usedto cut. I stopped eating for a while too.)

Gamzee: Caleb(Because he's helped me through3)

Karkat:Jess(Because she is a little "crabby",and she only wants the best for me)

Sollux: Leticia(Because she's my bipoler bitch that I love!)

Eridan: Laura(Because she loves/hates me,and she is constantly bringing my selfesteem up.)

Nepeta: Kenzie(Because I love her with all my heart.)

Enjoy~

XxX

Tavros Nitram was sick of it all. He hated it all,every last bit of the horrid world that torrmented him every day. He looked at the knife that lay on his counter,clean and silver. The thing that could take all this pain away,pull him from the world,with one fluid movment. He reached over,pulling the blade into his lap. Gulping down fear he drew the blade to his neck.

One movment,thats all it would take. His breath grew shakey as he gently pressed the cool metal to his skin. Tavros? What are you doing? What about Gamzee and your friends? questions bubbled to the surface,but Tavros pushed them back down. He couldent take it anymore. Tha constant bullying. The fact that he was in a wheelchair for fucks sake.

But-he couldent do it. He lowered the knife. It laughed at him from its position in his lap. It laughed,and it call out for his blood. You want my fucking blood? Fine! He took the knife in his hand and gently pressed it to the underside of his arm. He drew a thin line from the end of his wrist to the middle of his arm. The knife seemed to sigh as the blood ran smoothly from the wound.

He suddenly felt better. Anger no longer threatened to burst through the straining seams of his mind. Sadness was swallowed down into the pits of his stomach. Every feeling that tormented him retreated. Smiling slightly, he cleaned the wound, got it to stop bleeding. He felt much,much better.

XxX

The thing about Gamzee was that he was Tavros's boyfriend. He was the only person who could calm Tavros down after a day of pain. He,unlike his boyfriend, was utterly perfect. He could walk,and he was so thin,and not a scratch on him that Tavros could see. Tavros wished he could be like Gamzee.

Gamzee walked into Tavros's appartment like he owned the place. Which he did. He had bought it for Tavros being "The best motherfucking boyfriend ever". Being..rich and all...anyways,he walked in and greeted Tavros by plopping down in his lap. Tavros responded with a small "Oof"

"Hi Tav!" Gamzee said,beeming. "H-hi Gamzee.." Tavros said,smiling slightly as Gamzee shifted on his lap. He really didnt want Gamzee to be there at the moment,he wanted silence. But Gamzee was here,and there was no getting him to leave and come back later now.

"So Karkat and Sollux invited Nepeta,Eridan,You,and I to spend a week up in their mountain cabin. And I said I would ask you.." Gamzee said,nuzzling his head into the crook of Tavros's neck. "uhm..I guess..that..uhm..s-sounds like a lot of...uhm..Fun." Tavros said, running his hand gently over Gamzee's back. The tall boy in his lap smiled widely, and tipped his head back to look at the ceiling saying, "Oh great! 'Cos-" "Gamzee..." "Theres gunna be so much to do like tu-" "Gamzee..." "And we leave tommarow-"

"Gamzee!" Tavros yelped, as they tipped over in the wheelchair. "Wheeeee! That was fun,Tav! Lets do it again!" Gamzee cheered, after they had landed in a heap on the floor,with the wheelchair near the fridge and them by the couch. "Lets..Uhm..Not and say we d-did.." Tavros said,pushing himself into a sitting position. He couldent reach his wheelchair. How the fuck did it get all the way over ithere/i?

Gamzee stood, walked over to the wheelchair,righted it,and brought it over to Tavros. "Here,Let me help you,Tav." He said,smiling. Tavros leaned back on the palms of his hands,looking up at Gamzee. Gamzee bent over to pick him up. But he stopped. "Whats that?"

Panic seized Tavros. Shit. Shit shit shit shit..."Tavros what is that?" Gamzee asked,dropping to his knees and pulling Tavros's left arm to him. "N-nothing." He muttered,holding his breath. "How did you get that?" Gamzee whispered,running his thumb over the cut. "It looks new..Tav..did..did you do this to yourself?"

Tavros's chest tightened. He hated lieing,he hated it so much...especially lieing to Gamzee. "N-no..Why would..uhm...Cut myself?" This wasent going to work,he could just feel it. He could feel fear draping over him. Along with sarrow,remorse and..anger. "How did it happen then?" Think fast Tavros..Think fast... "The..uhm...the latch on m-my wheelchair...To..uhm..unlock and..uh..lock it? Y-you know?" He said,pointing to the sharp latch. "Okay..but how did you cut yourself on it?"

"I..uhm..I was picking something up this..uhm..afternoon..and I got to close to it..and it cut me." He stuttered,looking up at Gamzee. Thankfully,Gamzee's gaze softened. "Oh..Okay. I'm sorry I wasent here earlier..I could have helped you and that wouldent have happened..." He scooped Tavros up in his arms,smiling again. He started taking Tavros into the bedroom.

"Gamzeeeeeeeee. I..uhm..I though you were..g-going to put me...uhm..back in my wheelchair? Why arre we going to my room?" Tavros didnt really mind Gamzee holding him,taking him into the bedroom,but he wanted to know why. "Packing,Brother. You gatta pack,considering we're leaving tommarow." Gamzee beemed, dropping Tavros into a lump on the bed. "Uhm..Gamzee? I cant pack if I cant move!"

"Dont worry,Babe! I'll pack for you!" He smiled,going into the closet and re-amerging with a light brown suitcase. "Gamzee I would..uh..really prefer..." Tavros started,but was cut off by Gamzee's hand on his mouth. "Look,Tav. I got this." He removed his hand and replaced it with his lips,giving Tavros a soft,reasuring kiss. Every part of Tavros ached for Gamzee,for the kiss to have lasted longer..

He watched as Gamzee packed for him,and slowly,he drifted off to sleep.

XxX

Tavros blinked his eyes open,he was laying on his side,in his bed,with two blankets draped over him. Correction: One blanket and a Gamzee draped over him. He shook his head. He heard Gamzee yawn as he awoke,woken from the movement of his boyfriend. "Hey Tavvvv..." He said sleepily. Tavros turned over easily(after a year of not using your legs,you figure out how to turn over in bed) So that he was facing Gamzee. Gamzee ran his hand over Tavros's carmel-brown face. He gently kissed him,making Tavros turn a light shade of brown/pink.

"Good morning,Gamzee." Tavros whispered when the kiss broke. Butterflys fluttered around within his stomach,and he wanted only to kiss Gamzee again and again. He loved it when Gamzee stayed the night,he loved waking up to a familiar shape holding him,loved kissing Gamzee when they awoke,loved that Gamzee listened...

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Gamzee sat up,the covers falling off his bare chest. "Shit,What time is it?" He looked at the anolog clock on Tav's beside table, wich read 9:25. "shiiit!" He cursed,pushing the covers off and grabbing his shirt. "Thas gatta be Karkat and Sollux...I said they'de better come over at 9:30 because Nepeta and Eridan were going to meet us here at 10:00 so we could all go to the cabin..." He told Tavros. Tavros nodded. "Uhm...Gamzee? Could I..uh..have my wheelchair please?" Gamzee nodded and brought it into him.

After he pulled himself into the wheelchair and got over the fact that Karkat Vantas,the person he hated the second most(Vriska rated top for crippling him) was going to be in his appartment,he wheeled out to see them.

"h-hi guys.." He said,emerging from his room. "So the cripple exposes himself." Karkat sneered,gritting his teeth. Sollux hit Karkat on the shoulder,hard. "Ow! What the fuck was that for?" He hissed,rubbing it. "For being thuch a big athhole." Sollux muttered,crossing his arms. Tavros was grateful for Karkat's sarcasstic/nice boyfriend being there.

"So how long do we have to fucking wait for-" Karkat shivered before he said,"iNepeta/i and Eridan? I mean seriously,those idiots shouldent be even alowwed to come." He turned to Sollux,who was calmly fiddiling with hem of his shirt,when he said the next part. "Why'd you even invite them? I thought you hated that ifucking/i Fish-brained Eridan."

Sollux shrugged. "I dunno. I invited Nepeta. The athked if Eridan could come. I thaid yeth."

Tavros smiled at the thought of spending a week in a cabin with both Sollux and Eridan. More like two days at the most. Well,Eridan and Nepeta were almost always together,so he didnt really think Sollux and Eridan would be seeing alot of eachother. He shook the thought out of his head. Karkat was here. God,he hated him..

Suddenly,something pulled inside him,something deep,forbidding,and angry. Very very angry. Tavros thumbed the still-risen cut on his left arm,sighing slightly. He might as well,since they were here,since when Nepeta came,it would be almost impossible to do anything without her asking: "Hey Tavvvrrroooosss! Where ya goin'?"

"I'll..uhm..be right back..." He said,wheeling down the hall and into the bathroom. Tavros closed the door,and slowly made his way over to the drawer. Hands steady,he opened it and pulled out a clean,sparkling knife. His breath grew calmer,instead of the shakey in takes he usually took. Gently,he pressed the knife to his cocoa skin, watching as it sliced through the skin,creating a small pool of blood. He winced at the dull stinging,but it fleed almost immediatly. He cleaned the knife and his arm, and waited for the blood to stop coming from the shallow wound,then exited the bathroom.

Karkat,Sollux,and Gamzee where all sitting on the couch,well..Sollux was laying across Karkats lap(eyesclosed,hands behind his head),while Karkat texted,and Gamzee seemed totally sucked into the show playing on the T.V. He shook his head,and was about to go get something to drink,when a small,almost un-hearable knock came from the door.

"Weeeellll,Nepeta,I dont really think they can here you over how goddamn loud that T.V. Is."

"Errriiiiidan! Why are you sooooooo meeeaaaannnnn?"

"Im not mean,Im speakin' the truth."

"Humhp"

Tavros wheeled over to the door and opened it,smiling. "I can hear you guys." Nepeta turned pink,but then jumped on Tavros's lap,giving him a hug. Tavros smiled at his best friend,then looked up at Eridan,who was standing in the door way looking sour and jealous. Nepeta crawled off Tavros's lap,and silently walked over to behind the couch.

He watched with interest as Nepeta tip-toed to the back of the couch,to the unknowing other who sat there. She smiled real wide, then yelled: "HEY KARKITTY!" Karkat yelped,making Sollux tumbled off his lap onto the floor,and Gamzee to emit a loud: "HONK" Eridan chuckled slightly,and Tavros smiled.

"OH GOD DAMMIT NEPETA,WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO THAT!" Karkat yelled,helping Sollux off the ground. Nepeta shrugged,a smile plastered on her tiny face. "I unno,Karkitty. Why do you always freak out when I do?" "I dont freak out." "yes you do" Karkat turned a deep shade of red. "I do not.." Nepeta giggled,putting her hand over her mouth "Yes you do.."

Tavros shook his head,then looked up at Eridan. "Soo..Uhhmm..Eridann..ho-" he started,but was cut off by Eridan growling lowly,"Touch her again and I'll kill you,Tav." Tavros's eyes widened, his breath growing shakey. "Are..are you s-serious..?" He whispered,drawing back a little. Eridan's eyes narrowed. "Dead serious."

"Hey bro!" Gamzee said,seeming to come to the rescue. He dropped his arm around Tav's shoulders,but pulled Eridan close with the other hand. He smiled sadisticly, and whispered quietly in Eridan's ear, "Threaten him again and I'll torture you until you beg for death. Then I'll leave you to bleed out..Okay Bro?" He shoved a now completely stunned Eridan agenst the wall and turned around,pulling Tavros with him.

"So,Brothers and Sister,whos ready to go?"

XxX

Tavros really never understood the appeal of camping. But he liked the quiet you get when you go out into the forest. Which is what he did after he unpacked, decided which bed he and Gamzee would take,and got verbally abused by Karkat...again. He looked up at the trees that towered above him,the crystal clear blue sky-

"I know what your doing." a familiar voice said,a rough,medium pitched voice. Tavros turned around. "D-doing what? Uhm..Im just..uh looking at the trees." Karkat rolled his cloudy-grey eyes. "No duh,Fuckass. I was talking about the cutting." Tavros started shaking. "W-what cutting? iIm/i Not cutting." Karkat stepped closer,crossing his arms over his chest. "Do you think Im stupid? 'Cos Im not,Tav." Tavros shook his head,tears stinging the back of his eyes and making his voice crack. "You..you just don't understand Karkat,no one will ever understand."

Karkat let a breath out through his teeth and closed his eyes. iHes trying to calm himself down../i "Look. Tavros. Seriously. Maybe I dont understand. But dont do that to yourself. Next thing you know your gunna be starving yourself,and your gunna get sick and everyones gunna leave you-"

"How do you know,Karkat?"

Karkat blinked,the grabbed then end of his sleeve and yanked it up. "This is how I know,Tav." Written on his pale white skin were stories of pain and hurt,red and angry marks that used to control his life, all X's and crosses, then right in the middle of the cuts was one red word.

Sorry

When Tavros looked up to Karkat's face,tears were falling down his cheeks. "Dont do that." he whispered. Tavros bit his lip,not sure what to say. "I thought you hated me...w-why are you telling me this?" Karkat laughed,a rough,dry sound. "I dont ihate/i you. I dont hate anyone,Tavros. I'm just like this..'cos..'cos im iscared/i" Tavros wheeled closer,and pulled down Karkat's sleeve. He nodded. Karkat almost smiled. But it faded almost as soon as it formed. "Please dont tell."

"I wont."

XxX

Sleep was a curse. Sleep was so calm and peaceful,it made you think,ioh everythings gunna be okay!/i,then you wake and its the same hard reality,as though it was just a breif mist. Well,at least thats what Tavros thought. He shook the thought of sleep out of his head.

It was late,far later than he should be up. "Dont do that" Karkat's words rang in his ears. He closed his eyes and let the breath his out between his teeth. The floor boards creeked,and he looked up,seeing Eridan standing infront of him.

"HOLY SHIT!" He yelped,pushing his wheels back so he could be farther away from Eridan. "Shush. Dont yell,you'll wake everyone up,idiot." Eridan said,running a hand through his blonde hair. "Thats kinda what I...uhm..Wanna do,Im..uh..Afraid you'll kill me." He could feel himself shaking. IFuck,Why am i so afraid all the time?/i

Eridan rolled his sea-blue eyes,putting his hands on his hips. "Yeah right. Like I'de waste my time killin' iYou/i." Tavros blinked, running a hand through his dark-chocolate-brown hair. "I..I uh...But why'de you say you..you would?" "I can't be fuckin' jealous? Jesus christ. Shit-I said it,IIm jealous of your realtionship with Nepeta./i" Eridan murmmered,rubbing his temples. "Damn it. IGod damn it./i Ugh,I need an apsrin or somethin'" He grumbled,leaving Tavros standing sitting there,looking confused.

He heard Eridan return to his room,and he leaned back in his chair,sighing. He could feel himself nodding off,falling asleep. He closed his eyes,and drifted off into a restless sleep.

XxX

Tavros looked left and right,his throat soar and dry from screaming. "Gamzee! Gamzee help me!" He felt tears roll down his cheeks as a blade sliced his back open. It stung,it burned,it made him so sick. "Gamzee! Karkat! Anyone,please!" He screamed,his voice cracking from the strain.

He dragged himself forward, the dirt burning his bare chest. Oh god,it hurt. "Help,help! Please!" He could feel blades being lodged into his back,he could feel the blood burning his skin,it hurt,it hurt,it hurt. Feet appeared infront of him. He looked up,to see the scowling face of Sollux.

"Sollux..." He whispered,reaching his hand up. The other boy sneered. "Get away from me." He snapped,stepping back. "I'm not here to fucking help you,lother. Im here to watch you thuffer." Tavros blinked back tears. "Sollux,What did I do? I'm sorry,Im sorry." The last words came out as a choaked sob.

"You didn't do anything." Sollux laughed, anger boiling,"You did nothing,that'th why Im tho god damn upthet. Why do you think I athked you all for a week up here? Jethuth chirtht, your all so thtupid."

Another knife dug into Tavros's back,making him cry out in pain. "Im sorry,Im sorry,Im sorry-"

XxX

"Im sorry..Im sorry.."

"Tavros,wake up!"

"W-wah?"

Gamzee stood over him,looking very worried. "Are you motherfucking okay,Tavbro?" He asked,putting a hand on Tav's shoulder. "Y-yeah,why? I just had..uh..a nightmare.." He whispered shakily. Gamzee nodded,then grabbed Tavros up bridal style. "Eep! Gamzee where are we going?" Tavros squeaked,wrapping his arms around Gamzee's neck. "To our room,where else?" Gamzee laughed,kicking open their door. He kicked it closed,then walked over to the bed and gently set him down.

He crawled on top of him,kissing his forehead. Tavros closed her eyes,and wrapped his arms around Gamzee's neck again. He felt Gamzee's lips on his own,Gamzee's hand sliding up his shirt. Gamzee pulled away,looking into his lover's eyes.

"Tavros, You can tell me anything,you know that,right?" he asked softly. Tavros nodded, kissing Gamzee gently on the lips. His nightmare disappeared from his head,pain was another universe away,and right now,it was only him and Gamzee.

XxX

"You little-god dammit,Sollux!"

Tavros blinked his eyes open, and pushed himself into a sitting position. Gamzee was asleep next to him,snoring lightly. Tavros smiled,and ran a hand gently over his boyfriends face. Gamzee shifted slightly,but didn't wake. Tavros looked around,seeing his wheelchair positioned next to the bed so he could slide himself into it. He fixed himself into his chair, and wheeled out of the room.

He wheeled down the hallway, and to the bathroom. The smell of vomit floated through the air, and Tavros wondered why. Then it hit him like a rock. i" Next thing you know your gunna be starving yourself,and your gunna get sick and everyones gunna leave you-"/i He pushed the door opened,and let out a squeak.

His heart thumped,thumped,thumped in his chest. This was not right. This was inot/i right! This was stupid, why was he thinking about this, when it was happening right then.. When Sollux was staring up at him in shock.

"Uuh..S-sollux..are you..okay?" He asked quietly. Sollux stood defiantly, and pushed past him. "I'm fine.."

But by the thumping in his chest,and the foul smell in the air, Tavros know he's not.