Disclaimer: I have no claim to BSG and its related properties. If I did, it would be a very different show.

Kara Thrace walked through Galactica's corridors feeling miserable and empty. She always felt that way after returning a "reconciliation session" with her husband on the ship he was living on. Their marriage was now one in name only and they had become nothing more than frak buddies, but Kara felt that even that arrangement would end soon and she and Sam would only be connected by the piece of paper saying that they were married.

Sam had stopped being able to fulfill her emotional needs long ago. Kara was almost sure that he never had the ability to. But if he ever did have it, she was certain it stopped being enough on the morning she married him, on the streets of New Caprica when she saw the rumpled figure of a destroyed man walking towards them.

And now, Sam could no longer fulfill Kara's physical needs, either. That had never been a problem with her before with any man she had been with, even the quick, mindless fraks with no strings attached. She used to be able to get the release that she wanted quickly and efficiently, ready to go on with her day once the high had ended. But that was no longer possible, not since the night of the "dance". Now, all she did was put in a half-hearted effort in making it appear as if she was enjoying herself for Sam, but that was only possible if she closed her eyes and thought back to the night when everything seemed perfect. When she was with the one man she truly wanted to be with. The one man who wanted to and could give her everything she wanted.

That man had not been and never would be Sam.

How could Sam be that man for Kara? Sam wasn't the one who gave her a reason to push herself and discover the fullest extents of her abilities. Sam wasn't her voice of sanity; the one who knew when to let her run free and when to drag her back from the brink. Sam wasn't the one whose opinion truly mattered. Sam wasn't the one who could strip back the Starbuck persona and see and understand the vulnerable Kara underneath. Sam wasn't the one who made her face her demons and would stay by her side without a second thought as he helped her conquer them Sam wasn't the one who had been willing forget his own needs and not look back just so that he could have her in his life.

Sam was the one who asked Kara to give up her home, her family, her skills, and settle down with him on a planet run by an inept leader who never should have been in charge in the first place. That life had been anything but perfect and not a day went by when she relived memory of her rejecting her chance at true happiness in a quixotic attempt at protecting her one true love from her own insecurities. She'd all but killed him instead.

Kara couldn't think of why she went to see Sam every week. She knew that all they would do is exchange a few awkward words before he began making advances and she would go along with him before faking an orgasm, getting dressed, and returning to Galactica.

Why couldn't she just tell Sam "No" and end the farce that her life had become?

It wasn't because she didn't want to hurt Sam. In fact, she didn't care about him anymore. She'd belatedly realized that there was nothing between them; that there was no "us" when it came to her and Sam. They didn't have a friendship that doggedly withstood loss, conflict, and a love that couldn't be acted upon as they hurt each other and hurt together. They didn't share an unbreakable bond forged in the heat of battle. She didn't blindly trust Sam to watch her back and bring her home. She was captured by the Cylons and suffered at their hands each time she tried.

They did have an intense connection, but it had been made only because she had been at a point in her life when it seemed as if she had nothing left to lose. Then she rejoined the fleet and realized just how much she had left behind and how much more intensely she was connected to another man, one who had been to hell and back with her. But the guilt of leaving Sam behind on Caprica stayed with her and prevented her from accepting the other man's love.

She no longer thought of marriage as a sacrament in the eyes of the gods. She stopped caring about that when she tried to open herself up to the other man and saw the sad resolve in his when he walked away from her. That was when she realized how much she had hurt him every time she turned away from his love and that she had all but lost him completely.

Cutting Sam out of her life wouldn't make it emptier. With Sam gone, she could focus on trying to win the love of her life back. With Sam gone, the empty fraks would end and she would no longer feel cheap…

Then she remembered why she couldn't end it all so simply. He could still destroy her as easily as he could make her truly happy. She remembered how he once angrily called her a whore and how it had cut her deeply. Far too deeply for an insult that she had received dozens of times before and since. That was why she tried for a halfway measure when they began rebuilding their relationship after the "dance", having an affair and being unwilling to leave Sam for him while he had been willing to leave his wife for her.

But it wasn't just that. A simple word of comfort was all the man needed to say to make her troubles go away. A simple compliment or concerned comment made her feel like that she was the only thing in the universe that mattered. A stuttered comment about her knees made her the most beautiful woman out of all the remains of humanity while an insult she had heard time and time again made her the ugliest. Every smile sent her soaring while every glare and angry word sent her emotions crashing. He held her entire life in his hands and it killed her to know that he was completely oblivious to that fact. Taking the risk and trying to get him back into her life meant that she could gain everything she ever wanted and more. But it also meant that she stood to lose everything, and since the worlds ended, that meant losing herself.

At least with Sam, she knew she could handle any disappointments. Their relationship was a safe one, completely devoid of any emotional investment with no fear of losing everything…but with no hope of gaining anything.

Kara arrived at the hatch to the pilots' bunkroom. And it was not a moment to soon. She pulled the heavy hatch open as fast as she could. The façade of Starbuck that she had created to hide the vulnerable Kara was starting to break and all she wanted to do now was curl up into a tiny ball in her bunk and cry herself to sleep until her next shift. At least she could be with him in her dreams.

The hatch opened with a low moan and Kara quickly stepped inside. She could already feel her shoulders sagging and her lips trembling. Hot tears were welling in her eyes, blurring her vision. Not long now. Just a few more seconds and she could let go and lose herself to her misery. But then she noticed a blurred figure standing in front of one of the lockers and she realized she was not alone. She struggled to quickly regain her composure and tried to casually wipe the tears away as the mask of Starbuck slipped over her once more. But this time, the mask wouldn't properly fit, and that only meant one thing.

Kara looked up to see who was in the room with her, although she knew who it was before she clearly saw him. It was him. The only person who mattered to her. And before she could get her thoughts in order his name was on her tongue and coming out of her lips: "Lee."