I just wanted to start off saying that…
Seiner Rocks!
Okay so this couple has to be my favorite and I wanted to write something since there aren't very many stories with them (considering how much Roxas and Sora there are). I hope you like it and give me lots and lots of reviews.
Warnings: Cussing and hints of sexual stuff
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or the song (which, by the way, I just love and fits them perfectly. To my mind anyway). Enjoy!
Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere
I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Now I know I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
You don't really want any more from me
To make things right
You need someone to hold you tight
You think love is to pray
I'm sorry I don't pray that way
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Touch me baby, tainted love
Once I ran to you (I ran)
Now I'll run from you
This tainted love you've given
I give you all a boy could give you
Take my tears and that's not nearly all
Tainted love
Tainted love
Tainted love
Bottles clattered on the floor, a curse was mumbled into the stale air, hanging, hanging…A dirty blonde sat in the couch, a half empty bottle of beer in his hand. His eyes were blood shot with dark smudges under his eyes. Around his body, dark purple bruises littered his fair flesh, across his arms, cheek, legs. Everywhere.
The television bleeped out some information on the recent news in Hallow Bastion but the dirty blonde wasn't paying attention. His eyes, though faded brown with fatigue, were still an intense sight, an intensity fueled by anger. Anger for his crappy life and anger towards the person he loves and hates still.
Seifer, stupid arrogant no good son of a---
"Puff," Hayner huffed and took another gulp of his beer. What a joke. What had ever made him think that Seifer and he could work it out? Honestly, they had to be the most contentious couple out there. Or, they had been. Their relationship (if you could call it that) had never been official. But he'd thought that they had something going, even if it was only lust. He'd thought Seifer would respect what they had. It might not have meant much to him but…
God he needed to get out of his apartment. His thoughts were spoiling his buzz.
Sluggishly, he pulled himself off his sofa, finishing up his beer and then dropping it on the littered floor. Someday he was going to clean everything up, when he didn't have to deal with his headaches. He staggered over to his jacket and then swept around for his keys and wallet. Can't forget the money.
He closed the door to his motel lightly and then crept pass the landlady's room. He owed money, and he didn't want to waste the little he had. He breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped onto the safe zone.
"Mr. Dincht---,"
He didn't even stay for the rest of the sentence.
It was late. The sun had set and it appeared to be around 11:00. There were no stars and the moon was gone. His feet tapped lightly on the street, his hands dug deep into his pockets, his body swaying slightly by the nonexistent wind. The bar wasn't far. He'd discovered the sorrow drowning haven a day after moving. It was convenient how it was close to his home. There were many nights were he could barely even see straight. Tonight looked like it was going to be one of those nights.
All was quiet. His eyes were half closed, too tired. He just wanted another hit.
The neon flash 'The Pit' greeted him just around the corner. Rubble of drunken men lay just outside the bar's door, most of them past out, some were still drinking while other's were getting 'picked up' by other people aka the prostitutes looking for a drunk to sleep with. Probably to later steal their money. He knew how that felt like.
He passed them without glancing up. The door man recognized him and let him pass without any trouble. No words had to be exchanged.
Inside was a sea of sweat and cigarette filled air. He could barely breathe but he was used to it now. He slid into an empty seat and waited for the bar lady to notice him.
She turned and then crossed her arms over her large bust, a glass cup poking out of the crook of her arm. "Hayner," she said a tint of sadness in her tone. "The usual I presume?"
He messed at his oily curls and gave her a grim smile. "How'd you guess, Tifa?"
She sighed and quickly served him his drink. A glass of Vodka was placed in front of him and he wasted no time in taking a gulp. "Slow up there cowboy. Don't want you to pass out again." Her hands were busy polishing the glass but her eyes where on his face.
"I can handle it," he snapped, his eyes flashing up to her face in defiance.
She just shrugged. "Whatever. Just call if you need anything else." With that said, she moved away to serve some costumers waving their empty glass.
Hayner sat in his stool, alone, taking sip after sip not paying attention to the people around him. Day after day, the same thing over and over. Drink, sleep, work, drink, sleep work. His life was coming to ruins along with his health. He knew that how he was living was self-destructive but he really couldn't bring himself to care. Everyone he knew before was gone; off making their lives, and the person he'd thought he had left had only betrayed him; stabbed him right in the heart.
He gulped down the rest of his drink and then just sat there, burning a hole on the counter top. He jumped and growled when he felt a tap to his shoulder.
"Whoa there, Tiger," a women, about thirty, said. She smiled coyly at him, her cheap makeup making her look all the more like a whore. She took the seat next to him and sprayed herself out, hoping perhaps that he was drunk enough to think her beautiful and buy her a night. "What's a nice looking man like you doing in a place like this?"
"Drinking, what does it look like?" he said back in annoyance. He really wasn't in the mood right then. Memories were a bitch.
She didn't seem to notice his total lack of interest because she kept talking. "How about you and I share a dance? I bet you're a great dancer." He looked up at her, his eyes narrowed but then stopped. Her hair. She was toying with it. Long straight blonde hair that reached all the way to her mid back.
The look in his eyes seemed to spur her on. She got off the stool and grabbed at his arm. "Come on, honey eyes. Let's dance."
Hayner didn't protest. He let himself be guided to the dance floor. The lights, the music. They all faded. Even the women's face disappeared. All he knew was that one moment they were dancing, the next they were in his room. And his mind was far off in another place.
----------------
Hayner rolled over and groaned as he felt the emptiness beside him. He cracked one brown eyes open and then his features darkened.
Seifer was gone.
Again.
He sat up and grimaced as he felt his back ache. It always was like this. After every night, he'd wake up and find Seifer gone. He knew it shouldn't bother him, after all they weren't a couple. Heck they weren't even dating but the fact of the matter was that it did bother him. He couldn't help but feel that Seifer should at least acknowledge him after they'd done it. It was always, 'Horny bastard need relief. Stupid submissive Hayner give relief. Go to him.'
Stupid Seifer and his machismo ego. Not that Hayner was one to talk. Still he had to admit he wasn't as bad as Seifer.
Hayner sighed and rubbed his forehead. He needed to get up and go to work. The room was dim. Seifer must have closed the blinds. A warm feeling washed over his heart, forcing back the feelings of resentment. Despite all of Seifer's vises, the man did have a heart, and he'd like to think that the bit of kindness Seifer had in him was reserved solely for Hayner.
With that thought in mind, he changed as quickly as he could and then checked the clock. He wasn't late, yet. He quickly skidded out the door and began his route to work.
He thought back to how Seifer and he had gotten together.
Hayner's friends had all departed to college, Roxas off with his boyfriend, what's his name. Axel. Pence went off to some other corner of the world while Olette took the other corner. It was the same for Seifer. Fuu had gone off, and then Rai had followed her shortly, a servant to her every say, even more so than Seifer's say.
Basically, they had both been lonely. One thing led to another and somehow they became…whatever they were now. It hadn't happened over night either. There were a lot of insults exchanged, bruises given here and there but, gradually, they had come to depend on each other for the familiarity. They made each other feel normal. While everyone else around them changed, they could still count with each other to remain the same.
Guess that had made them both horny.
Hayner kicked at a rock on the ground. Maybe, just maybe, Seifer felt something for him. And just maybe, Hayner felt a little more too.
But he wasn't going to admit that. At least, not until Seifer did first.
-------------
Turns out the prostitute had robbed him. He woke up in the morning with a killer headache and the last bits of his money missing. He smirked. She'd probably gotten pissed at how little he had. Or she might have shrugged it off seeing as how the sex had been awesome, considering he'd plastered another person's face over her ugly one.
Imagination works wonders.
Rolling over, he caught a whiff of his body and shuttered. He smelled horrible. He could smell and taste her on him. First thing's first, he needed a shower. Work could go screw itself for all he cared.
His brain in the mornings takes a while to kick in, especially after a drinking night.
He didn't have the luxury of a warm shower so it was in and out for him. Just long enough to scrub the smell of alcohol and cigarettes off. The cold shower helped though, to sober him up, unfreezing his brain from its state of numbness.
He really couldn't fathom how low he'd come. He wobbled his way to bed, plopping on it, shocked at himself, and then buried his head in his hands. His wet curls bobbed, his body shaking silently. He sat like that for a while, no sound coming out. When he lifted his head, it was expressionless. He glanced at the watch resting on the motel's cheap table.
Yup, he was late for work. His boss was going to castrate him alive. But really, he didn't care. He was just going through the mechanic motions of life. Anyway, his day couldn't possibly become anymore crappier.
Of course, he just had to jinx the rest of his day. He should have seen it coming though. The way he was living, something was bound to happen. He was late to work almost daily, he dosed off during working hours, and he picked fights. Any conscious employer would have fired his ass long ago. Lucky for him, his boss saw the light that very day and kicked him out. No one was sad to see him go. Everyone there were bastards.
Hayner walked around for a bit before he decided to go back to the motel. He watched his feet, only surprising himself to look up and around when he saw his clothes just outside his room. Confusion clouded his mind before he tried to open the door with his key. It wouldn't unlock.
"Mr. Dincht," a voice behind him said harshly. He turned and saw the landlady, hands on her hips, a disdainful scowl on her face. "I warned you. You haven't paid for your rent in two months. I've been patient but even I can't allow you to stay here anymore. You're not even trying to pay me back, just partying and bringing shady company late at night." She pointed out towards the door. "Please. Leave. Or I'll be forced to call the police."
Hayner bristled for a second, but pacified himself. He couldn't hit a woman, especially one that was right. He was an ass for even considering it. Instead, he silently picked up his small articles of property and descended down the stairs. He didn't say a good-bye.
Yet another group of people that weren't sad to see him go.
He walked around aimlessly, his head bowed, until he wandered to Bastion Park. He stopped and gazed at it, the only green in the grimy grey city. It was like an emerald gem in the middle of a wasteland. Probably the only natural beauty in the whole place.
He stepped on the grass, dragging his stuff behind him, watching all and breathing the fresh air. No cigarette smell. He heard the birds chirp, the ducks squawk. No sound of drunken yells. Complete opposite of what he'd been doing all his nights. He reached his destination; a bench near the pond and collapsed on it lightly. He gazed out at the sparkling pond, spotting a couple holding hands, leaning in close. His mind was swept away by more memories.
Even when his world was falling to ruins, he could still manage to ponder what had gotten him to this time and hour. About the person who'd forced him to become what he was now; a bitter, pugnacious man with nothing to look forward to because love didn't exist.
----------
Hayner grinned as he looked down at the painstakingly prepared lunch. He might not have been the best cook in the world (okay, so he was the type to burn scrambled eggs) but he'd really tried on this. He'd even picked up a cookbook and followed the recipe as closely as he could.
Seifer better appreciate all his work. The last thing he needed Hayner thought as he hurried towards the older man's home, was to be made fun off. It would be just like Seifer to make some smart ass comment about it. And then Hayner's temper would flare up and they'd end up fighting with each other which would then lead to something else that would evidently make up for everything.
He reached Seifer's home and moved the weight of his package to one arm so he could dig around in his pocket for the key with the other. He was going to surprise Seifer, prepare everything. Make it special. What better way to show him how he truly felt but on their one year anniversary?
He'd thought long and hard about it until his fried brain had told him to screw it and just go for it. So, like the reckless firecracker he was, he'd followed his own advice.
The house was dark when he entered but there was a strange noise echoing loudly around the house. Hayner frowned, puzzled. He gently set his bag down and stealthy made his way towards the noise. The sound got louder, more heated and passionate the closer he neared Seifer's room.
It didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening behind the closed the door. Hayner's anger had steadily been building up to a peak the closer he'd gotten. The more he realized what it was. Who it was. But opening the door and actually seeing it threw him over the edge.
The next minute passed in an angry red haze. He said something to Seifer. Seifer had only glared. Hayner understood. It was because he was interrupting. The woman below Seifer was only staring at him in horror. He didn't blame her for being scared. He would have murdered her. Apparently, Seifer thought the same because he got up and punched him. Or had he only been reaching out to him to calm down? His mind couldn't be sure. Either one was possible. All he knew was that he'd reacted in a negative way.
They both tussled on the floor. He vaguely recalled the woman making a break for the door and disappearing but he was too busy trying to beat Seifer.
He didn't know how, but he broke free from Seifer's headlock. His eyes blurred around the edges and he staggered outside. An arm yanked at his wrist but he swiped it free and slapped Seifer across the face. All he received back was a punch to the shoulder blades. He didn't care though. All he wanted was to get away. Break something. Anything.
No one stopped him as he ran out into the street. He didn't slow down; not until he reached his apartment. Throwing the door open and then screamed angrily at nothing. Frustration manifested itself out as raging blows to inanimate objections. His television shattered, chairs where thrown across the room and then his bloody turmoil decapitated just as suddenly as it had come. It was as if a switch had been flicked in his brain and then his motionless body had been dumped into a freezing lake.
He began to shiver and then dropped to his knees, clutching at his heart. His eyes puffed but he didn't make a sound. Seifer was a bastard. He would not cry for him.
He would not.
------------
Hayner must have fallen asleep because the next time he blinked; he was clearing away grit and staring into the starry sky.
Sleep. He was doing that a lot lately. Waking up more tired then before.
His neck ached and his back cracked. It seemed he'd fallen from the bench during his sleep so he was lying on the dirt. His bag had made its way to his chest, pressed tightly against. It was all he had left, some stupid clothes and a picture of his loved ones. He didn't even have any money.
Now, he really was homeless.
The only place he could think to go at a time like this was the bar. No money, no home, forgetting seemed pleasant. Maybe he could weasel Tifa for a free beer. Perhaps he'd choke on it.
He smiled darkly at himself. Here's hoping.
Like a beaten down corpse, he made his way to the bar. He flung the bag on his back and trudged purposely, no deterring, no thinking, just self-destruction. He had nothing to lose.
His feet knew the way therefore his mind didn't have to think about it.
Tifa wasn't there. That didn't bother him much. He slid into his usual stool and patted his pockets for some extra cash. A quarter couldn't buy anything. He scowled and banged his head on the table counter.
Through his peripheral vision he saw a large shadow sit down next to him. "You look like crap."
Hayner scoffed. "Ya think?"
There was a chuckle. Then something was shoved into his half curled fingers. He looked down at it. It was cash. "You look pretty desperate. How about I offer you a deal?" For the first time, Hayner looked up and, to the surprise of the unsuspecting man, was thrown back by the venom dripping from the younger man's lips as he gave his answer.
"Do I look like a whore to you?" he said. "Is that why you're offering me this?" It was silent. The music played on, no one paid attention to the spectacle about to unfold except for the two nearest and the bar man. He bunched up the dollar bills in his hand and threw them back at the guy. "Fuck yourself! I'm not like that."
The man, apparently getting angry at him, snapped back, "I only offered because you looked so pathetic. You have potential, but your attitude. It has to go."
Hayner blinked once at the stupid, stupid man. "My attitude," he repeated threateningly. And just like that, Hayner punched the guy and began to pummel him to the floor.
The man was weak, but his cronies were not. The man appeared to have big bucks because two personal bodyguards began to assail on him. He was thrown off his punching bag, skidding across the floor until his head collided with a chair. He groaned but kept his eyes open and alert as the two threatening figures shadowed their way towards him. Gulping, he willed himself to stand and fight.
That's when vice hard arms pulled him back and away. His head rested on something toned but soft and that's when he heard it.
"Back off. He's with me so if you want him; you have to go through me first."
It couldn't be. Could it?
He craned his head up, and saw the back of his savior. The hair. It was a golden color. Blue eyes glanced at him quickly before turning back to the battle before him. The same blue eyes.
A shout was yelled. Seifer sprang and the world span in and out of focus. He saw Seifer fighting. Fighting for him? How strange. Jeez, his head hurt. Blood was pumping loud in his ears, never ceasing. It was worse than a hangover. He couldn't think, couldn't process what was going on around him.
The last he saw was Seifer running towards him. The sensation of falling and then blackout.
------------
Hayner fused his face to the pillow trying to block out the loud banging on his door.
Just go away bastard. Can't you see I don't want to talk to you?
His moment of weakness.
"Open the goddamn door, Hayner!"
That did it. He couldn't take this. Grabbing a bag that Olette had bought for him before leaving, he randomly stuffed some clothes in it. There was some extra cash stashed away for emergencies. This qualified as an emergency. The picture frame next to his bed was furiously ripped apart. Green cash poked out of the back and he quickly stuffed them in his pocket. He looked at the two other pieces of paper. The picture with his friends was tucked securely away and then, that one picture. His hands trembled at the intensity of the glare he was giving it.
His fingers pinched at it, ruining it around the edges and then he shred it in half. One half fluttered to the floor, the other one he shoved into his pocket. Time to go.
Taking the front door was out of the question. Seifer was still demanding and pounding. It wouldn't be long until he just kicked the door in and barged his way in. The fire escape was free. He'd climbed down it a thousand times before so it was no problem.
Lifting the window up, he crouched on the window sill, staring down below. A small breeze blew strands of his ungelled hair and then he carefully jumped. Placing a hand on his duffle bag, he began to run and jump down the metal staircase until he reached the bottom safely. All he had to do now was run to the train station and get the hell out of there.
He didn't look back. Not as he ran away from his home, not as he bought his ticket, not even as he departed from Twilight Town. His mind was set; there was no point in staying. There was nothing there for him anymore.
His cell vibrated but he ignored it. A moment passed and then it vibrated again. On impulse, he grabbed his phone and threw it out the train window. He hoped with all his might that it had shattered into a million pieces.
His vision blurred again but he blinked rapidly and didn't let it fall.
---------------
Hayner felt warm and soft the next time he resurfaced into consciousness. It was a feeling he'd almost forgotten. A far off memory. He didn't want to open his eyes because that would mean he would have to get up and he wasn't ready just yet.
His fingers twitched, twining themselves around the soft bed covering. He inhaled the familiar scent.
"So, you're awake."
That froze his whole being. It couldn't be a figment of his imagination. It was too real. Seifer was here. He'd found him.
"No point in pretending. I've seen you sleep before."
Hayner didn't offer him a response. He just listened. Seifer seemed to move a bit closer. His heart began to drum against his chest and it only made him angry. Why was it, that even after everything, the man could still make his feel like this? It just wasn't fair.
He snapped his eyes open and glared daggers into Seifer who was now right over him. The look on Seifer's face made him consider his lash.
Seifer looked like shit. About as worse as him. He was unshaven; his hair was long and tangled. The clothes he was wearing were wrinkled as if he had slept on them. Why?
"Hayner," he said and then stopped. His eyes adverted away and instead bore a hole at the wall. The silence was pregnant with things unsaid.
"Why are you here?" Hayner finally asked. He didn't look at Seifer but he honestly wanted to know. There were many whys, but this one was the most important and puzzling.
"I don't know." And that probably was the most sincere answer Seifer had ever given in his entire life. He didn't know why he was here he just was.
"You don't know," Hayner echoed. He sounded so worn out. Then his tempered flared. "You don't know!" He would have taken a swing at Seifer's head if vertigo hadn't hit him. He almost fell out of the bed but he caught himself. His breathing became shallow. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought he was hyperventilating. But he was just so damn pissed. Why? Why was Seifer here? To torment him?
Seifer moved towards him but stopped himself. "Calm yourself, loser. Or you'll hurt yourself more than you have already."
Hayner struggled to get in a sitting position but his vision swam and rippled. Fuck his head hurt like a bitch. "Come here so I can kick your ass, you stupid son of a bitch." His teeth clenched but instead of forming fists, his hands flew to his head, holding his cranium together so it wouldn't explode. God why did Seifer have to come and see him like this? He was just so weak. So pathetic. No wonder Seifer wanted to sleep with some other person. And now he was some loser alcoholic. He could still kill Seifer if he wanted and man did he want to. He wanted to strangle him.
Without notice, Seifer turned and swept to his bed side so abruptly that it caught Hayner in total surprise. He felt the familiar iron hold on his wrist and then he was staring into the older man's icy blue eyes. He gaped up, not able look away from the storm of intensity. His eyes, they spoke a thousand words. Everything that Hayner needed to know but didn't want to forgive. He looked away but Seifer grabbed his chin and forced him to look back. Then their lips slammed together and Seifer led in a very heated and passionate kiss. It took a moment for Hayner to realize what was happening before he started to struggle, his feeble arms pushing against the stronger man's chest. But Seifer didn't relent. Instead he pushed Hayner flat on the bed and kissed him all over: his nose, eyes cheeks, neck. Every bit of emotion was being pored into that one heated kiss. Slowly but surely, Hayner responded back.
His body was a traitor.
As soon as Seifer felt a response from Hayner, the kissing slowed into something gentler like butterflies fluttering on his skin. He never knew that Seifer could be so, soft with him. The tenderness that Seifer was treating him with managed to make him emit a small moan. Yeah, his mind was fuzzy in a way it had never been before.
Almost as fast as it had started, Seifer stopped and rolled onto Hayner's side. They lay there, panting. Hayner now knew how Seifer had been those six months of being apart. He still wasn't ready to completely forgive Seifer. Yet his hand found its way to Seifer's and he clamped on it hard. He felt a small squeeze back. Seifer wanted as much as him.
"What are we going to do?" he asked, turning slightly to see Seifer's face.
"Start over again, I guess." His voice was unsure but the hand intertwined with Hayner's told differently.
Hayner sighed and pressed his head softly against Seifer's ribs. "I have some problems. Think you can handle that?"
Fingers played lightly with Hayner's curls. It was silent and then, "I have problems too. Think you can handle them?"
The shorter blonde frowned. Could he? If Seifer was willing to put up with all of his defects, couldn't Hayner? "Only if you try to be better."
Only if you promise to be faithful
It was the unspoken thought. They both knew it.
Seifer's arms encircled their way around Hayner's waist and pulled him tighter to his body. "Already done," he breathed.
"Really?"
Hayner felt a nod on his head. "Why the hell else would I be here if I couldn't live without you?"
"To get laid?"
Seifer scoffed. "I'm not a total bastard when it comes to you."
This time Hayner snorted. "Could have fooled me."
They fell silent, each basking in each other's company. It had been so long since they'd been held by someone. Not even when they fooled around with each other had either of them stopped to do such a simple thing as hug.
Maybe, they could start clean. They had some issues to work out, sure. Trust had to be gained again but…Seifer had come looking for him. He had found him, even when Hayner had moved to a whole other city. That spoke volumes. And even Hayner, despite what Seifer had done to him, had never really let go. He couldn't because he was in love. In love with a bastard named Seifer.
They'd started as enemies, progressed as lust buddies, and somehow, against all odds, lust had turned to love. A twisted, slightly unhealthy, love but love none the less. They needed each other plain and simple. They just hadn't seen it before. Now they did. After all they had been put through, it was hard to miss.
For now, they had to wait and see. They were meant to be together but it was they who had to make it work.
"Chicken-wuss." It was Seifer say for: Love you
"Jerk." Dido
It looked promising so far.
What did you think? I hoped you all liked it because I worked really hard on it. Again Review please!