A/N: Everything is written through Emily Prentiss' voice.
"Love is sometimes denied, sometimes lost, sometimes unrecognized, but in the end, always found with no regrets, forever valued and kept treasured."- Anonymous
Friday, December 2, 2011- FBI Graduates Ball, Washington D.C
It's Friday night and something bad's about to happen.
It isn't the usual bad- explosions, kidnapping, serial killers, ect.- it's more of the personal life problems that are about to come out and slap you hard in the face. In my case, this bad thing happens in the reveal of a major secret of mine during an argument I have with the young genius on my team. The argument is about Ray Bradbury, who Spencer passionately reads as of late. I'm arguing as a devil's advocate. It isn't the best idea since the argument gets out of control- I'm a little over aggressive with my anger over all the crap that's happened to me within the last week.
The crap that I do not want to think about right now.
The argument takes place during the ball that celebrates the Academy's recent graduates. Myself, the rest of the team- JJ, Derek, Penelope, Dave, Aaron, Spencer- and JJ's husband, Will, and Aaron's girlfriend, Beth, are in attendance. I'm not sure why Spencer and I are so deep into such a silly argument. It's probably because of my frustration and both of us being exhausted with our previous case.
"Fahrenheit 451 is a classic!" Spencer argues loudly.
"That's crap and you know it!" I yell back, nowhere near ready to back down.
Spencer glares at me, his tight grip on his champagne glass nearly shattering into pieces. I send the kid a challenging look that seems to say, Come on, hit me with your best shot.
Spencer's response is an uncalled for, unneeded surprise as he yells, "At least I'm not in love with Hotch!"
His words hit me like a bullet. I'm not sure what's worse- the fact that he profiled my biggest secret or that it's being yelled out at a FBI ball where there are hundreds of people that I work with. The gasps that echo through the room after make it feel like he had accused me of murder.
With his girlfriend by his side, my superior hesitates before calling out, "Prentiss?"
He calls me Prentiss….that's not something you call someone who just admitted feeling for you.
I move around the table, keeping my eyes on Spencer. His eyes have now switched from anger to guilt. "Emily, I am so sorry," he states. I look away and whisper, "Why would you-why would….I have to go."
I nearly back up into a stunned waiter before I turn and sprint towards the entrance door. Because of my luck, the hem of my dress catches on someone's bag, causing it to tear a little. Ignoring the rise in more gasps, I sprint even faster to the ballroom door. I don't have the bravery to look back; I know that there isn't anything good to look back to.
Saturday, December 3, 2011- Prentiss' home, Washington D.C
As expected, Jennifer and Penelope show up at my front door the next morning.
Penny runs up to me when I open the front door and wraps her arms around my neck, squealing, "Oh, Em! I'm so sorry about what happened!"
JJ shrugs her shoulders at my confused expression. "She figured it out when Reid called to ask if you were ok. Which reminds me- Are you ok?"
The true answer is simple- no.
The moment I ran out of the Graduate's ball, I had run straight home and cried for hours. I had felt like a poor, pathetic school girl who had just been turned down from the prom. After midnight, I had spent the rest of the night fighting every urge to run over to Aaron's and beg for him to forget I had ever said that.
Unfortunately, the truth is out there and I can't hide from it.
I'm deeply, madly in love with Aaron Hotchner.
Now every time I see Aaron with Beth, I have felt like vomiting at the sight of them together. Sixteen weeks have passed since they started dating and I still want the man to myself where no one and I mean no one can touch us. I just want to-
"Em? Are you ok?" JJ repeats, this time with a more serious, worried tone.
Oh right. The answer.
With guilt running through my veins, I lie, "I'm ok, you guys, you didn't have to come over."
"Yes, we did!" Penelope pushes past me and enters the apartment with snooping eyes. She finally finds what she had wanted to find- crumpled tissues, a quilt, and an half empty ice cream cup on my couch.
"See? Oh, sweetie. Come sit." Penny is already on the couch with her coat off and her arms open wide. I have no choice but to trudge over and plop down next to my overly empathetic friend. I don't mind her emotions- I usually welcome it, but today is a day of misery.
"How long have you known about your feelings for Hotch?" JJ asks as she sits next to me. My hand begins to shake as I process the question. How long have I known that I love Aaron? It's not easily answered like seen in the movies; it's not something that's just appeared- it has just always been.
"I don't know…" I stammer, "I just do. Jay, what am I supposed to do? He has Beth."
"We will figure that out in the morning," she tells me. JJ pulls her knees to her chest and gives me a comforting smile. "Let's just relax and get you ready for Monday."
"Right….." I quickly switch into witty humor because that's what I know what to do during trouble, "Can I have the day off? Scratch that- can I have my own shield so I don't have to cross paths with Hotch?"
"Sorry, love. We wish we could," Penelope tells me with a sigh, "We really wish we could."
Monday, December 5, 2011- BAU Bullpen- Hotch's Office
My work day has been pleasant until the afternoon, when Aaron calls me into his office. Besides constantly reassuring Spencer that I'm not holding anything against him and Derek's overprotective glances that he continuously sends my way, my morning is quiet and calm.
Dave is playing the quiet observer from afar and has stayed out of my way. Because of my nerves around Aaron, it takes me all morning to realize that, besides Spencer, no one has talked about what happened on Friday.
At first, I take this as a good thing before I realize that it's not. It's not even close.
No one at work is talking about it because that's all saved up for the grand finale when Aaron calls me into his office for a private chat. When I enter, I realize that he's in boss mode, which makes sense since he hasn't said a word to me all morning.
"With what Reid had said on Saturday," Aaron begins to say after I close the door and sit. I put up a hand and stop him mid-sentence, "I'm fine, Aaron."
"I need to know if this will have an effect on how the team functions."
I'm insulted- How the team functions? His biggest concern should be about us, not the team.
"Aaron, what's done is done and…it won't' have any effect on my work." My eyes travel over to the small photo of Beth, Aaron, and Jack.
"Emily?" I don't notice that I have been staring at the photo for more than a few seconds until Aaron called my name. He places the files in his hand on the desk and takes a step towards me. My body tenses which he catches.
"Is there anything else?" I ask.
"No." He hesitantly steps back behind his desk at the sight of my discomfort. "That is all."