A/N: We are a group of authors who regularly put our deviant heads together to form a Uni-Mind in order to complete this story. This was orignally intended as an original piece of fiction, but we, being us, couldn't resist adding a few characters we all know and love. Be warned though - this story is full of OCs. Most prominent characters are OCs and the more famous ones are few and far between - but the story was still too unoriginal to add to fictionpress. That's not to say the story doesn't entertain though... atleast, we hope it does entertain.

DISCLAIMER: All the characters that you recognize don't belong to us. They probably belong to someone with a lower IQ than we do.

PROLOGUE - PART I: A HISTORY OF THE GREAT NATION OF NUDELAND

Who am I? The chronicler of a nation's events.

Who am I? I am not even human.

I stand upon the threshold of hell. Fires creep into my eyes, blinding me and dissolving all of my shattered dreams into molten nightmares. Every instant is agony, every moment burns my mind.

I groan. And open my eyes.

A blurred face appears. A blurred, gaunt face with sparse facial hair.

A vampire.

Indeed, who am I?

- Jinxed, Chapter 1 of "Who am I? – The Self-Realization Fetish"

***

Once upon a time, or so the saying goes.

This is not a fairy tale. This is not a tale for ears attuned to pleasant fantasies and childish books of valour and heroism. This is Nudeland.

In a forgotten era, now barely recalled or touched upon by man, there existed a tiny island – an island usually called the Wastelands by its earliest sentient inhabitants. An untraceable, unplottable but nevertheless enormous wasteland that stretched across impassable turbulent waters – waters that harboured uncontrollable jet streams and underwater volcanoes that seemed to blaze outwards from hell itself. A wasteland that was ruled over by a cruel god.

A god whose name was never revealed until the First Great War.

People from distant shores – wanderers, seafarers, merchants – unwittingly wandered to this wasteland, and never found their way back home. And these tribes from distant lands decided to settle down and tried, against overwhelming odds to make this wasteland habitable. And they succeeded, subject however, to the whims and desires of the cruel god that ruled these lands.

Years passed. Dynasties – obscured by the sands of time – rose and fell. The Wastelands never saw an era that was dominated by mankind – at least until the Age of the Marauders. Age upon age of cultural refinement came and went. The Industrial Revolution whooshed past the distant shores of Europe, but the stench of firearms never reached the Wastelands. This is a land caught within a time warp – a land that never had any definition of time. Strange creatures dwell here; nightmarish beings that walk the narrowest, dankest confines of the human mind truly exist in this world. And amidst these dark ages of despair and darkness, when mankind was still trying to establish its dominance over the other beings of Nudeland, the cruel god who ruled these lands fell. Native inhabitants and immortal beings still speak of a battle of celestial proportions between two unseen, powerful forces – a battle that enveloped the land in thunderstorms, tornadoes, tsunamis and other worldly expressions of sheer power. Inhabitants call it the Celestial Battle – the Yudh. A battle, the aftermath of which forms its own timeline. Both the beings involved – the Cruel God and the Other Powerful One – were said to have died in this great battle.

Yet in our hearts we always knew that these creatures would return.

A copy of "Nudeland – A Standard Textbook of History for Grade 5" – which, incidentally was recovered from a Wizard Library - states:

"Amongst the Marauders, who arrived at Nudeland on December 23, 2050 A.Y (After Yudh), was a man who christened himself OTMS the Magnificent. According to Skander Bander II (ref. speeches of the Third War, Pg 501),

'Not quite the most eloquent of the group, OTMS struck upon an idea. A vision. A dream. A dream of greatness'.

This 'dream of greatness' comprised of establishing what could have become the most successful dynasty that ever ruled the Wastelands – Nudeland. A name that heralded the establishment of a society free of all restrictions – even clothes.

'A society that mankind chances upon just once in a lifetime – a utopian society – a society that is truly… free.'

– Jinxed (ref: True Nudelander, Introduction, Pg xvi)

And on 15th January, 2051 A.Y, OTMS christened himself the Prime Minister of Nudeland and appointed portfolios for the eight Marauders that accompanied him. The Marauders then embarked upon a great endeavour - writing the constitution of the great new republic. However, like most great endeavours undertaken in history, this one too was never completed.

L-Man, the Minister of Gay Affairs as appointed by OTMS, sums up the disaster that follows admirably and succinctly:

'OTMS had woven a great, inspiring speech indeed.

Imagine our dismay when the Nudelanders found out the speech was plagiarised.'

(Ref. A Cynic's Utopia, Pg. 14)

Here follows a transcript of OTMS' infamous speech.

'Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now the time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, Nudeland will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance. It is fitting that at this solemn moment we take the pledge of dedication to the service of Nudeland and her people and to the still larger cause of humanity.

At the dawn of history Nudeland started on her unending quest, and trackless centuries are filled with her striving and the grandeur of her success and her failures. Through good and ill fortune alike she has never lost sight of that quest or forgotten the ideals which gave her strength. We end today a period of ill fortune and Nudeland discovers herself again. The achievement we celebrate today is but a step, an opening of opportunity, to the greater triumphs and achievements that await us. Are we brave enough and wise enough to grasp this opportunity and accept the challenge of the future?

Freedom and power bring responsibility. The responsibility rests upon this Assembly, a sovereign body representing the sovereign people of Nudeland. Before the birth of freedom we have endured all the pains of labour and our hearts are heavy with the memory of this sorrow. Some of those pains continue even now. Nevertheless, the past is over and it is the future that beckons to us now.

That future is not one of ease or resting but of incessant striving so that we may fulfil the pledges we have so often taken and the one we shall take today. The service of India means the service of the millions who suffer. It means the ending of poverty and ignorance and disease and inequality of opportunity. The ambition of the greatest man of our generation has been to wipe every tear from every eye. That may be beyond us, but as long as there are tears and suffering, so long our work will not be over.

And so we have to labour and to work, and work hard, to give reality to our dreams. Those dreams are for India, but they are also for the world, for all the nations and peoples are too closely knit together today for any one of them to imagine that it can live apart Peace has been said to be indivisible; so is freedom, so is prosperity now, and so also is disaster in this One World that can no longer be split into isolated fragments.

To the people of Nudeland, whose representatives we are, we make an appeal to join us with faith and confidence in this great adventure. This is no time for petty and destructive criticism, no time for ill-will or blaming others. We have to build the noble mansion of free India where all her children may dwell.

II

The appointed day has come-the day appointed by destiny-and India stands forth again, after long slumber and struggle, awake, vital, free and independent. The past clings on to us still in some measure and we have to do much before we redeem the pledges we have so often taken. Yet the turning-point is past, and history begins anew for us, the history which we shall live and act and others will write about.

It is a fateful moment for us in India, for all Asia and for the world. A new star rises, the star of freedom in the East, a new hope comes into being, a vision long cherished materializes. May the star never set and that hope never be betrayed!

We rejoice in that freedom, even though clouds surround us, and many of our people are sorrow-stricken and difficult problems encompass us. But freedom brings responsibilities and burdens and we have to face them in the spirit of a free and disciplined people.

On this day our first thoughts go to the architect of this freedom, the Father of our Nation [Gandhi], who, embodying the old spirit of Nudeland held aloft the torch of freedom and lighted up the darkness that surrounded us. We have often been unworthy followers of his and have strayed from his message, but not only we but succeeding generations will remember this message and bear the imprint in their hearts of this great son of Nudeland, magnificent in his faith and strength and courage and humility. We shall never allow that torch of freedom to be blown out, however high the wind or stormy the tempest.

Our next thoughts must be of the unknown volunteers and soldiers of freedom who, without praise or reward, have served Nudeland even unto death.

We think also of our brothers and sisters who have been cut off from us by political boundaries and who unhappily cannot share at present in the freedom that has come. They are of us and will remain of us whatever may happen, and we shall be sharers in their good [or] ill fortune alike.

The future beckons to us. Whither do we go and what shall be our endeavour? To bring freedom and opportunity to the common man, to the peasants and workers of Nudeland; to fight and end poverty and ignorance and disease; to build up a prosperous, democratic and progressive nation, and to create social, economic and political institutions which will ensure justice and fullness of life to every man and woman.

We have hard work ahead. There is no resting for any one of us till we redeem our pledge in full, till we make all the people of Nudeland what destiny intended them to be. We are citizens of a great country on the verge of bold advance, and we have to live up to that high standard. All of us, to whatever religion we may belong, are equally the children of Nudeland with equal rights, privileges and obligations. We cannot encourage communalism or narrow-mindedness, for no nation can be great whose people are narrow in thought or in action.

To the nations and peoples of the world we send greetings and pledge ourselves to cooperate with them in furthering peace, freedom and democracy.

And to India, our much-loved motherland, the ancient, the eternal and the ever-new, we pay our reverent homage and we bind ourselves afresh to her service.

JAI NUDELAND.'

Not only was the speech plagiarised, it also said 'India' – a nation of the Outside Land – in six places. This speech heralded the end of an era, and the dawn of a turbulent phase for Nudeland."

Pfft! And so the great idea of Nudeland fizzled out.

The speech was copied word-for-word from an Indian Prime Minister's speech. And to make matters worse, it still said India in six places.

The Prime Minister was impeached on his very first day.

Some said that OTMS' pride couldn't take the fall. History does fault him for trying too hard to make an imaginary speech-writer, who perchance existed only in OTMS' mind, the scapegoat.

In short, OTMS messed up, and couldn't handle the fallout.

He was caught with his pants down, and didn't pull them up quickly enough.

He invoked a state of emergency in order to consolidate his power. However, since Nudeland had no constitution yet, the army – which should have imposed this state of emergency upon the state – fell apart into several pieces.

The troubles were escalating quickly… too quickly. A civil war was brewing. Most of the Ministers of the government made an alliance against OTMS.

And so, the greatest civil war in Nudelandish history began. A war that heralded the doom of Nudeland – the fall of a Golden Era that never was - when a greater and more terrible evil than a mere plagiarised speech, invaded the Wastelands.