A/N: Hello! CalathÃl here. This is without doubt the silliest thing I have ever written. I got the idea from, well, myself. I was imagining trapping my favourite characters from my favourite fandoms on a custom-built planet, giving them a challenge and a set of rules and then sit back and watch. If any of them broke a rule, they'd be turned into a pink singing buffalo. Don't ask me why or how. Anyways, enjoy! And feel free to drop a review or a fave, they light up my day whenever I get one. Also, note that any and all flamers will be used to feed my balrog army.
Dr. Leonard McCoy was a pink singing buffalo. No-one knew why he was one, or how he had made it through Starfleet and onto a Starship, but there he was, Chief Medical Officer on the U.S.S. Enterprise.
Because he was a buffalo, there were certain things that just weren't mentioned, the main thing being the "cakes" he left everywhere. Everywhere but his Sickbay, actually. Buffalo or not, he was fanatic when it came to hygiene, and forced his massive body into the shower at least once a day. No-one knew how he fit in there, or in the turbolifts. But then again, he was a pink singing buffalo on a starship.
No-one knew how they understood him when he spoke. His voice entered their ears as a series of musical moos and was somehow deciphered into a grumpy Southern drawl. Mr. Spock, being half Vulcan, had superior hearing and was a touch-telepath, and had tried to figure out how they could understand him. In his personal log he had stated that it seemed like the Doctor's human voice entered the brain without bothering to make the detour via the ears, and that the singing moos served only to keep people from going insane.
The only real problem with having a pink singing buffalo as the CMO was the number of PADDs and computer terminals he broke. Buffalos aren't known for their finesse. Only in the operation rooms and when checking on somebody did his cloven hooves become the finest, most careful instruments known to the crew. But generally he broke one PADD a day, two if he was in a bad mood, and one computer terminal every fortnight.
But the strangest thing about Doctor McCoy was that whenever they met somebody, they never seemed to notice that he was a pink singing buffalo and not a grumpy human. Even the Klingons and new alien species gave him no more than a passing glance. Only small children stared at him with big eyes when they saw him, but even they did not launch a barrage of questions at their parents or the strangers, they just stared wide-eyed.
Dr. Leonard McCoy was a pink singing buffalo. And even though that posed several challenges each day (the main one being keeping the ship clean), none of the crew would ever exchange him for a human. In addition to being the best doctor they had and a generally likeable buffalo, he was their mascot. And mascots are never ever just given away or exchanged for something else.
So the U.S.S. Enterprise, the flagship of the Federation, had a pink singing buffalo as the CMO. No-one knew why or how, but they had, and they loved it.
"Computer, begin recording. First Officer's Log, Stardate 2045.3. I have spent some time meditating and theorizing over Doctor McCoy's ability to talk directly to the brain. It is now my opinion that he does actually speak Standard, but because the human brain is exceptionally good at fooling itself, and as I am half human, even I perceive his words as only a surprisingly musical mooing. The brain knows that buffalos physically do not fit in the showers or the turbolifts of a Starship, and so we do not know how he manages to do it. The brain also knows that a buffalo is physically incapable of human speech, and so it overrides the ears and fools itself into believing that the Doctor moos. But we still perceive his words, and so the brain creates the illusion of his words taking a shortcut directly into the brain. Computer, end recording."
A/N And that's it! Whoever gets this enourmous reference wins the Internet in any colour you choose, complete with a set of specially trained mokeys to fix any problems you might have.