This was painful to write for a number of reasons and I'm unsure if I want to turn this into a multi-chapter fic or leave it as a one-shot. Let me know what you guys think I should do and as always thanks for reading.
Lucifer collapsed onto the plum colored sheets and pulled them to his waist, chest rising and falling as he tried to catch his breath after this afternoons vigorous activities. His bedmate looked over and grinned, eyes twinkling with mischief, blonde hair splayed over the pillows. She was an animal in bed, the best shag by far and completely insatiable. This gorgeous creature defiled, desecrated, and devoured him whenever the opportunity arose and he was all too willing to allow it. They had been up in the penthouse for over an hour and she finally looked sated, skin glowing and face flushed.
Just as he reached for her a phone rang and she rolled away from him to lean over the edge of the bed to find and answer it. He knew what was coming next and he pulled his unnoticed hand back and stuck his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling and focusing on schooling his features. This was how it seemed to go every time; they'd have a lull in the case and she would drive them to his home, drag him upstairs, and have her wicked way with him only to leave a short time later when her phone would ring or it would get too late.
"That was Dan, he's got a suspect."
It wasn't supposed to happen like this, not even close. Casual sex was his forte but somewhere along the line it stopped being just physical and drifted into a much more grey area. The first time had been after a long case and instead of driving all the way to her home she had decided to stay with him. Both of them were to blame for that one, neither really trying to stop it when lips met skin and hands wandered, clothing disappearing and cries of ecstasy echoing off the walls. She had been everything he could have every imagined, smooth skin and ample features, just the right amount of naughty and innocence. It had been amazing but the next morning when he woke she had been gone and when he walked into the station to meet her it was as if it never happened.
The second time had been solely on Chloe. The Douche had upset her, undercutting her authority at a crime scene and making disparaging remarks to her afterwards. Pulling up to Lux he had frowned in confusion but figured she had her reasoning and walked with her to the elevator. The second the doors had closed she had been on him, hot kisses peppering his neck and hands jerkily unclasping his belt and pulling his shirt out of his pants. They hadn't made it to the bed, instead settling for the couch and before he could even catch his breath she had redressed and left.
And then came the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth time and he began to notice the pattern. When something happened she didn't like she'd take out all her frustrations and emotions on him, essentially using him as a therapeutic fuck toy. It wasn't like he wasn't getting anything out of it, the sex was unparalleled, but every time when she left it felt like she took a little bit more of him with her.
Emotions were never supposed to become involved but somewhere between the third and fourth time something changed. It was suddenly harder to let her go, harder to ignore her no kissing rule, harder to resist pulling her to him afterwards. He was supposed to be in control of himself, of everything around him, yet he was drowning when it came to sex with Chloe Decker and it wasn't a good look. The yearning had become so bad that after the fourth time he had taken a chance and outright asked, "Stay with me?"
She had laughed.
Unsure exactly how to handle this since it had never happened before he had stayed quiet after that, keeping his thoughts to himself and giving her what she wanted. Was it love? He had no idea, as he didn't even know what it felt like to love a romantic partner, but it was clear to see she didn't see it as anything more than a fuck. Deep down he knew this would never work but when he was inside her he could pretend it would, that they could actually be happy together, perhaps try to have a future. That with time she might learn to love him.
He watched her redress, pulling her underwear up her tan legs and slipping her shirt over her head, wiggling her hips into her jeans and combing her fingers through her hair. Her phone beeped and she lifted it from the nightstand to look at it, a small smile appearing on her lips. Probably Daniel. They had decided to try again, not only for their child but because they were still married and held out hope for their relationship. It had cut so unbelievably deep to here her explaining it to him yet he had stared straight ahead, pushing down the raw pain filling him.
And then she had shown up today while he was reading in the library and after jerking him painfully by the arm to the bedroom had proceeded to milk him for everything he had. Metaphorically of course considering he was barely able to get off with how rough she had been. He liked pain, that was a given, but not all the time and today he had been entirely too relaxed and comfortable at home to be prepared for hurricane Chloe. Glancing down at his stomach he could see the bright red scratches, the small bruises over his chest and could feel the sting of the marks on his back and on his soul. Since getting back together with her ex he was officially the other man, the sordid secret. He was being used solely for sexual gratification and because he hated himself so much he allowed it simply because he'd rather have her like this than not at all.
"You ok? You look pretty mopey for someone that just got laid," she smirked as she slid her phone into her back pocket and grabbed her keys.
Unable to muster a smile he softly answered, "Fine da- Detective." When he had called her darling after the second time he had been scolded, told that pet names would turn this into something it wasn't.
"I'll swing by if we get a break in the case," she shouted from the living room, already on the way out.
His eyes drifted back to the ceiling, his body unmoving and beginning to ache from the abuse it had suffered today. He knew he should tell her this wasn't working, that she needed to decide if she wanted Dan or him because she couldn't have both but he couldn't bring himself to do it. What if she was angry? She could end their partnership completely leaving him with nothing, not any way to see her at all and he needed her. It wasn't even a want anymore but a basic need like food and air.
Lifting his head and pulling his arms down he covered his face with his hands and sighed shakily because the next time she showed up he wouldn't say a word. He'd let her use him, let her fuck him, let her do whatever she wanted to him because he didn't know how to survive without her.
And he'd rather die next to her than apart.