This is in Bea's point of view.
This is set during episode 4x07 after the camera left when Allie walked in on Bea applying the vitamin E to her thigh.
Allie was still rubbing in the vitamin E on my scars on my thigh with her hand on me I couldn't help but feel almost totally relaxed, but her hand on me also made me tense. I had told her that I'm not gay and I'm not, but her hand is making it hard to concentrate on anything other than that hand rubbing on my leg.
"Bea, can I ask you something?" asked Allie, still rubbing her hand on my thigh.
I looked down at her before nodding for her to ask her question.
"Why would it be such a bad thing for the panic button rule to change? I mean why not let the women use it if they get into trouble."
I looked down at her for a long time. I wasn't sure how I should answer the question. There are more than a few ways to answers, but I don't know how to explain my reasoning to Allie.
"It's okay. You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Allie back tracks.
"No, it's not that. I just am not sure how to answer the question." I look at Allie and then around my cell then back at Allie. Her hand is still rubbing the vitamin E on my thigh distracting me from my thoughts. Figuring out how to explain I start, "Imagine if some new girl pressed the button on Juice again. Juice would go for revenge on the girl, just like she went after Tasha. If Juice goes on to get revenge it would have been a lot worse than getting her hair cut. I didn't want to cut Tasha's hair, but it was the only way to keep her basically unharmed and satisfy Juice's need for revenge. If the women pressed the panic button I would be forced to do that shit more often."
"I'm sorry Doreen is making this such much harder for you," says Allie. I actually laugh humorlessly. Doreen is making a big deal about the panic button; she is always on me when she decides things aren't good enough for her. When she gets on me about not caring that she misses Joshua and Nash. Then there is something about Nash being unfaithful or something. I'm not a relationship counselor and I personally don't think that a prison is a good place to raise a baby.
"What?" asked Allie clearly confused as to why I am laughing.
"When I first got here, about a few months in, I was bashed." I said.
"Okay…" says Allie clearly not seeing why thinking about getting based would make me laugh.
"Jacs, the Top Dog before Franky, had me bashed by her crew, because I tried to talk her into not doing something. She didn't like that very much and she had me bashed. When Jacs first showed up in the unit Doreen was here. Jacs told Doreen to leave and as she was leaving she wavered by the panic button and shook my head and told her not to."
"Why? Jacs could have had you killed." asked Allie. Her hand was still on my thigh, but she had stopped rubbing the vitamin E around.
"Because as horrible as the bashing was, I was pretty sure Jacs wasn't intending on killing me. I can't learn my lesson of her being in charge if I'm dead. If Doreen had pressed the panic button on Jacs, Doreen would have been lucky if all Jacs did was kill her." I said. My thoughts immediately go to Debbie. If Jacs had killed me that afternoon, then maybe she wouldn't have gone after Debbie and she would still be alive. "If one of the women gets bashed or something and no one presses the button that is usually the end of it."
"That didn't really work out for you," points out Allie. Her hand is still on my thigh.
"No, I guess it didn't."
"Do you ever wish you had never become Top Dog?" asked Allie.
I look down at Allie for a long while, unsure how to answer. Knowing how I should answer, but another one comes out, "All the time."
Allie looks up at me and we just stare at each other not saying anything. I think briefly that telling Kaz's right hand could use my omission as a weapon, but I know I can trust Allie. I told her things in the slot that I haven't talked about out loud in years. I talked to her about Debbie and briefly talked about Harry. Allie has this way about always putting me at ease. Except when she starts flirting with me; and that just confuses me.
Allie lightly gives my thigh a squeeze, trying to let me know that she is here. She gets up off her spot on the floor and walks over to the cell door. She looks back at me giving me a smile and slips out of the cell without another word.