Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own any characters or other copyrighted material from Squaresoft. Though they would probably not want me to be writing these stories anymore if they saw how cruel I'm gonna be to Zell. Hehe.

Chapter One
Tonberry's Plan for World Domination

"Make way!" Seifer shouted as he, Fujin and Raijin entered the front entrance of Balamb Garden dragging an iron cage behind them fastened to a thick rope. The cage was occupied with a small green-skinned creature wearing a wool robe and holding a lantern and a knife in its hands.

Fujin relinquished her portion of the rope to Raijin, who was more than capable of pulling the cage without Fujin's assistance. She took point and shooed curious lower classmen out of the way.

"Oh! Oh! Is that a Tonberry?!"

"CONCERN, NONE!" Fujin backhanded the boy out of the way and kept the approaching horde at bay with her giant shuriken. When she was satisfied that the mob had backed off, she ran back toward the front, grabbed another section of rope and helped her posse pull.

They were nearly to Seifer's dorm room when Cid and Edea approached, followed by Xu, Squall and Zell. The three had been recently appointed senior commanders and were in charge of planning and initiating all military procedures, whether missions carried out by SeeD or the graduate courses taken by cadets.

"You three!" Shouted Cid running closer. "What do you think your doing bringing that creature in here?! It's too dangerous to just be let roam free!"

Seifer twisted backward and gestured for Raijin and Fujin to get the Tonberry into his room. While they were doing that, he caught Cid off at the pass. "Hey, c'mon now, Cid ol' buddy ol' pal! Were gonna make history here! Were gonna be the first people to domesticate a Tonberry!"

Cid put his hands on his hips and shook his head with disgust. "Are you serious? You actually think you can not only tame this beast but also openly defy Garden rules?"

Using a quick flash of intuition, Seifer came up with a plausible excuse. "It's Fujin's birthday! We caught her this thing as a pet!"

The little Tonberry had slipped one hand through the bars of its cage and planted its knife into the concrete walkway, making it nearly impossible for Fujin and Raijin to pull it further.

"Adorable, isn' he?"

Squall pushed past Seifer and approached the cage. He leaned down in front of the stubborn monster and raised an awkward eyebrow. "I don't think it wants to cooperate."

The Tonberry looked up at Squall, blinked once then opened its mouth but made no sound. Squall took that as a sign of impending violence and drew his gunblade. "The little beast threatened to kill me!" He swung once and nicked the bars of its cage. The Tonberry growled and started to wildly swing its knife, further gashing up the bars.

"Your scaring it, asshole!" Seifer shouted and pushed Squall away.

"I got nothing but bad vibes from him! He's a cold-blooded killer who will stop it nothing to enact a plan of world domination!"

The Tonberry's eyes expanded like that of a puppy and the entire group let out a simultaneous sigh.

"Oh, it's so cute!" Zell waddled over and leaned down in front of the cage, pushing his face against the bars. The Tonberry leaned forward and held up its lantern, illuminating Zell's face. Then his overly greased-up hair burst into flames and he screamed insanely while trying to pat out the blaze.  "OMIGOD!!! OMIGOD!!!"

"See? It just wants to play!"

Fujin burst into hysterical laughter as Zell hit the ground and started to roll around until the flames extinguished. His head was left a tattered, smoking mess.

Raijin, being a dumb ox who didn't register anything for about five seconds after it actually happened, screamed "FIRE!!" and took out his staff and started beating out the flames on Zell's head even though it was already mostly out. After a minute or so of this, Zell was lying in a crumpled heap on the ground and twitching involuntarily.

Seifer grinned and shook his head with mirth. "Okay, heave!" He pushed the cage forward while Fujin and Raijin pulled. They drug the Tonberry into Seifer's room, and it once again stabbed its knife into the ground to prevent being moved. The posse, though, overpowered it. A jagged trench followed them into his quarters.

The group watched them leave and Cid let out a pained sigh. "Why do they never listen to me?"

Xu shrugged. "Maybe because you're a senile old fart who tries to act years younger with comical quips and immature drivel."

Cid turned around to face her and she instantly changed her expression to that of a frightened child.

"What I mean, of course, is that your just as young as ever, Sir, Lord, Master." She finished by offering him a big smile.

Cid frowned and walked away. Edea power-walked to catch up with him and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. Xu followed distantly behind.

Squall watched them leave until they were gone from sight, then looked down at the charred and beaten remains of Zell, looked around cautiously to make sure no one was nearby, then walked over and gave him a swift kick in his blackened side.

He grinned and walked away whistling merrily.