Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers, although I want them. All of them.
This is my first fic from Thor's perspective. Please review, no flames! My best friend, 44TayLo, is very proud of her contribution of the string theory blurb :)
"He had those moves like Jagger!" Tony shouted as "Americas Best Dance Crew" flashed on the screen.
"He had moves like what?" Thor was clueless as to what all of these terms meant.
"Just an expression" Natasha and Bruce chimed in.
Steve was curled up on the couch with the little orange cat called Robert, looking equally as lost as the Demigod.
Thor was not well versed in the Midgardian slang terms: Hott, Swag, Cool, Dope, Yo, 'Sup, McJagger, and many other things. He was not sure what the temperature of a potential mate had anything to do with anything, or how the opposite term was also categorized as a positive personality trait. It made his head spin just to try and hold a conversation.
"You all right there, Hamlet? ...Earth to Viking!"
Thor became aware that Tony had been making faces at him for the past few minutes. His face took on a shade of red that closely resembled a strawberry, he quickly ushered himself to a spot on the other side of the couch.
He listened very intently to the dark skinned announcer on the television. Maybe it was just him, but Thor felt that he understood even fewer words of what the announcer spoke than normal. This is not english...
The Avengers dispersed to their respective sleeping quarters, some more enthusiastically than others, and Thor was left in the living room in front of Tonys transparent ...what was it called again? Oh yeah, computer.
Not being completely sure of himself, he placed his index finger against the glass; the screen blinked to life. Thor was slightly taken aback, he didn't quite know what he was expecting, but this was most certainly not it. He blushed profusely for the second time that night. There flashing on the screen was a woman who was covered only by little black bars that were inscribed with the words 'Loading..' He feared for what would happen when the bar was completely filled in.
Thor was grateful when the image was gone, he was also glad that his little brother had not been there to witness this event.
The profane picture receded and Thor examined the new screen more closely. 'Firefox' 'Windows' 'Docs'. Why would there be a fox made out of fire? He was just curious enough to click that one. A new window opened up and he found himself staring at something called a Google. There was a button on the bottom labeled 'search'.
Thor first typed in the word Cool. The first result was a link to somewhere called 'Urban Dictionary', he remembered that a dictionary listed words and their meanings. That seemed like a good start. He started at the top of the list.
Hott (adj) - Synonym for beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, very attractive.
Thor suddenly understood twice as much of Tony's vocabulary. What's next...swag.
Swag - The way in which you carry yourself. Swag is made up of your overall confidence, style, and demeanor. Swag can also be expanded to be the reputation of your overall swagger. You gain swag, or "Swag up", by performing swag worthy actions that improve this perception. A person can also "swag down," by being an overall pussy and garnering negative swag for their actions. Swag is a subtle thing that many strive to gain but few actually attain.
Thor thought that he had attained Swag long ago.
His thirst for knowledge grew and Thor continued to enter every Midgardian word that came to mind. When he began to question the security of Urban Dictionary, he moved onto the Google that he had previously seen. He found that you could enter more than one word at a time, this hastened things along and before he knew it, he had stumbled onto another genius site, wikipedia. This had everything!
By the time morning had come around, Thor had exhausted his mind with all of the information he had gathered. Not just information about speech, information on everyting. He rested his eyes as he leaned against the desk. His stomach made a sound like a dying elephant and Thor decided to seek out sustenance.
Natasha was an early riser by nature but unfortunately for her, she did not know how to work Tony's cappuccino machine.
"What ever happened to a regular coffee maker?" She mumbled to herself.
Thor remembered reading up on those the night before.
"Did you know that the 'cappuccino machine' was invented by Luigi Bezzera?"
"I do now, but that doesn't help me make the damned thing work!" she growled.
"I do!" Thor boasted.
He marched over and confidently completed a series of tasks that ultimately lead to a dark frothy liquid being dispensed into a christmas themed mug.
"Thanks, Thor"
"Anytime! If you need to know anything, just ask".
The whole information thing had gone to his head, all before 7am.
A hungover Tony Stark stumbled down the hallway.
"Do you have a 'hangover'? I can fix that, did you know that exercise can relieve your symptoms, friend."
"Yeah, wanna know what else relives my symptoms? More liquor. Google it."
"Already did" Thor smirked. "That is an entirely unreliable and untested method."
"Well, then I will be the humble test subject" Tony grumbled.
"I wonder how much he drank last night to get him sick today" Natasha commented, mostly to herself.
"Did you know that if you drink as much as Stark, you are likely to build up a tolerance and become sick without alcohol?"
"Are you saying that Tony didn't drink anything and that is why he is sick?"
"Probably not likely in his case, is it." Thor shied away and went to go find the Pop Tarts.
The Avengers were suited up in their pajamas and they assembled at the breakfast table, well most of them. Tony dropped off a breakfast tray at the lab for Bruce on his way up.
Thor was half way through a box of Pop Tarts when the door was shoved open by an irked looking Fury.
"Did you know that eyepatches..." Thor's voice trailed off at the one eyed glare he received.
The rest of breakfast was eaten undisturbed by any comments.
Thor was dragged out of the house by Natasha on her daily walk, she took Thor along because she didn't want Tony to kill him for acting like a smartass all morning.
"Did you know that the average human will walk around the equivalence of five times around the Earth in their lifetime?"
"No" she answered absentmindedly. "I wonder how far the avengers have walked. We are far from average humans." Natasha put her earbuds in and tuned out any further questions (or answers).
"Natasha, earbuds reduce your hearing by 15% for every five minutes of music you listen to"
Natasha flipped him off as she dialed up the volume.
They survived the trek and returned to Avengers Tower (Stark Tower) unscathed, except for Thor's pride, he now knew what being flipped off was.
Clint crossed paths with the new walking encyclopedia.
"Did you know that you would be much better off with a compound bow? They are much more powerful. The simple one you are using now resembles that of the egyptian's methodology"
"It's a bird, it's a plane, no wait! It's the flying fuck I don't give!" Clint glared at him and went to go polish his new arrowheads.
"Did you know, String Theory dictates that everything is made up of strands of energy?"
"Actually, I did know that... and Thor, String Theory is a lot more complicated than that."
"Oh really?"
"See, for String Theory to be a valid hypothesis, there has to be at least seven other dimensions."
"Yes, I believe that is called M Theory."
"Yes. It really is an interesting theory. See, the strings are all moving around at incredible speeds. Due to the shifting speeds, there's a possibility, though it is practically impossible, that someone could move through a solid object."
"Ah. Yes, well-"
"However, for String Theory to be a valid hypothesis, there has to be at least seven other dimensions."
"Other dimensions such as Asgard?"
"Actually, that's considered a different planet in a separate universe. I believe you call universes 'realms'. Dimensions are a completely different idea."
"How so?"
"Well, the idea is that there's a lot of unused space surrounding atoms. For example, if you condense all of the atoms in a human, they would become the size of a pin head. But that's beside the point. Anyway, it's believed that atoms vibrate very fast in that negative space, and if they were to vibrate on different frequencies, that could indicate the existence of a different dimension composed of the same space."
"That was not on Wikipedia..."
Thor stood there defeated, almost stunned. He did not expect that the tiny human could be more knowledgable than he now that he knew everything.
Bruce moved to the couch grinning at the dumbfounded looking demigod.
Thor looked to give a retort about some other obscure fact that he was sure Bruce was in the dark about.
All of a sudden, The Captain yelled "Heads!" Bruce ducked down just in time, unfortunately Thor's reflex's were still slowed from the blow of losing the battle of wits. Captain America's shield came flying around the corner knocking Thor in his big Norse Nose.
Utilizing his newfound vocabulary, Thor shouted all of the profanity that came to mind before he blacked out. Mind you, it takes a lot of force to knock out a demigod.
Thor awoke to Tony dropping a dictionary on his face. "Rise Lazarus! The dead have awoken!"
"What are you shouting about, smallish man?"
"Who won the Civil war? America or Antarctica?"
Thor looked up, lost.
"It appears that he has had some form of a cognitive reset"
Clint rubbed his head, remembering his own 'cognitive reset'.
Steve piped up with his own personal celebration that he was not alone in being lost anymore.
Natasha chuckled "Works every time!
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