Under the Big Top
By Dixxy Mouri
Sanji felt like a fucking idiot.
For one, Buggy the Clown was a fucking idiot, too. Unfortunately, Alvida was pretty fucking hot and really, how could he not approach such a gorgeous woman in need of a little assistance. He just hadn't expected to be smacked in the back of his head with her club and wake up in what he could only assume was the "center ring" of The Big Top, Buggy's ship.
There was a very long rope tied to the top of the tent and then to his hands, keeping him in the center of the ring. That, okay, wasn't too bad. He really wanted a cigarette, but he had maybe another hour before someone died. And the spotlight shining down on him was a little overkill, but Buggy did like doing things flashily.
What was intolerable was the makeup, the shoes, and the clothes. Someone had shown him his reflection – his face had been painted white with red and blue and green "lipstick" and "eyeshadow" and other stupid shapes. His nice black suit had been replaced with a bright yellow with blue and green POLKA DOTTED suit about three sizes too big for him. The tie was huge (not to mention a hideous shade of orange and with purple stripes), and the shoes . . . they squeaked. And were about three times as long as they should have been.
Outside of his little spotlight, Sanji couldn't see anything, but he could hear snickering – the "center ring" probably had enough stands for those in Buggy's crew to fill completely. He glared around angrily. "HEY! You just wait until I get out of here! I'll fucking kick all of your sorry asses! You shitty clowns! YOU WILL BE SORRY FOR THIS!"
He tried to kick. The shoes squeaked again. And the darkness around him started to laugh.
"Chop Chop . . . PIE IN THE FACE!"
Sanji was startled when, out of nowhere, a tin pie plate filled with whipped cream slammed into his face. As it pulled away, he noticed the hand was disembodied. "Buggy . . ." he warned. "You do realize this is a very, very bad idea on your part. One, you're going to piss off Luffy because damn it, dinner's going to be late. And two, YOU'RE FUCKING PISSING ME OFF!"
He could hear Buggy laughing . . . around him, so he guessed the man's head was floating around him in a circle. "Now, now, Mr. Cook. Everyone knows that Monkey D. Luffy loves to eat, so of course he's going to miss you. And when he comes to rescue you, THEN I'll have him! Flashily!" He started to cackle, and Sanji really wanted to kick him in his Buggy balls.
It seemed as though someone did it before him, though, because he heard Buggy scream in pain and the clown – now fully formed – was half-lying in his spotlight, curled into the fetal position and making a terrible, high pitched sound that Sanji made sometimes when he was rejected. He heard Buggy's crew panic around him and he fully expected the lights to turn on – when they didn't, he was confused. Wasn't that the smart thing to do?
Then again, this WAS Buggy's crew . . .
The spotlight above him vanished, and suddenly the room was pitch black. There was a lot of screaming and panicking, but he also felt the tension of the rope change. He looked up, but it was too dark to see anything. And then he heard his lovely Nami-san giggling and heard the soft sound of a rope being cut.
"Shh," she insisted, thought she was still chuckling.
By the time the lights returned, Sanji and half of their treasure haul was gone.
The Going Merry was empty when they returned. Luffy, Usopp, and Zoro had decided on a whim to go drinking that evening and had told Nami to tell Sanji he didn't have to cook for everyone. Nami, instead of sticking around to wait for the cook, decided to go fatten her pockets. She just happened to find Sanji in his . . . unusual predicament. "You're lucky I showed up when I did, Sanji. That'll be 500,000 berries, please!"
Sanji sighed, washing the offensive makeup off his face in the ship's bathroom – Nami was sitting on the toilet, giving him 'moral support' or something. "Thank you, Nami-san, but I'll have to pay you back later," he said. "My wallet was in my suit and they have it." He paused and sighed. "I don't want to know what they're doing with it."
Nami stuck her tongue out. "For one recovered suit, silk tie, silk shirt, and empty leather wallet with matching wallet chain and belt, that'll be 100,000 berries!" she said, smiling at him. Sanji looked at her, unsure of how to react to that. On the one hand, she'd gotten his stuff back (and, come to think of it, that's probably how she knew to rescue him). On the other, she was still charging him for it.
This was after she'd taken all the money out of his wallet.
He shook his head and laughed. "Oh, Nami-san, you're lovely even when you're trying to rob me blind."
Nami stood up sighed. "Seriously, though, Sanji-kun. Are you okay?"
Sanji nodded. "Yeah. Buggy just wanted to humiliate me, that's all."
"So nothing but your dignity got hurt?"
"That sounds about right."
Nami was about to leave, but paused, turned around, and pulled the ridiculous tie closer to her, yanking Sanji's much cleaner face closer to hers. She pressed her lips to his own, making his pop his eyes open in stunned shock. She let the tie go and he stumbled backwards, blinking at her with his jaw agape. She had KISSED him?! But how much was THAT going to cost him?
The navigator swung her hips on her way out of the bathroom. "That was on the house."
Author's Notes
Another one from 2009 slightly re-edited and reposted to . This time guest starring Buggy the Clown.
Dixxy