Billy's Feets
Edward (Eed – vard) looked over, signature vaguely dissatisfied (crooked) smirk affixed to his face, as with off-brand school glue. Billy gazed imposingly back, eyes locked on to Edward's WHILST operating his motor vehicle. Edward continued driving looking through the rear view mirror thinking to himself, "how the fuck is Billy driving that truck?"
"Keep rubbing the Aloe Vera into my feets." Billy said to Jacob (Yay – c – phelm – ub); although Billy's hands were on the wheel, Jacob had his feets on the pedal and his own hand on Billy's feets. A tear leaked from Jacob's eye, even as Billy's heart swelled, full of the direst, most incestuous, schaudenfreude. Edward would have been pissing himself where he sat, were his only functional organs not his testicles, and, (debatably), his brain.
Edward adjusted his rearview mirror, only to have it crack as Billy's face turned to one of orgasm from the wonderful feets massage Jacob was giving him. Edward would have cursed but he was too much of a gentleman (nice guy and brony) to say such awful words unless they were directed at a girl who had friendzoned him.
Meanwhile, Bella (Bur-la), who had been buffing her truck in her driveway when she saw Billy wheeling up, had put down her rag to stroll over and say hello to the Black menfolk – but when she glimpsed the unseemly happenings taking place in the front seat she slowly backed away in disgust. Jacob caught sight of her through the window and let out a small cry: "Jesus (Hey-zeus) Dad (Da-ad), why are you ALWAYS embarrassing me in front of the sexy liquid paper chicks?!"
Jacob proceeded to get out of the truck, pull the wheelchair out of the back and proceed to awkwardly try and get Billy out of the driver seat. With all the grace of a wolf (FORESHADOWING FORESHADOWING LOOK WE KNOW HOW TO DO FORESHADOWING), Jacob grabbed his father by the shoulders, and pitched him to the rain-slicked surface of Bella's driveway, justifying it to himself, by remembering that he could hardly do any more damage to Billy's spine.
Bella watched, her rag falling to the ground, "Wow. I've never seen a boy abuse his father in such a fashion. You're kinda hot, boy."
Jacob blushed, pleased that the 10% cream girl was impressed with his father-tossing skills.
Billy, slick with aloe vera as he was, flopped hopelessly about on the driveway like a beached whale, and unnoticed by his distracted son, slid slowly into the middle of the road, directly into the path of an approaching vehicle! Suddenly out of nowhere, Edward skidded up in his Volvo, swerved around Billy, leapt out and growled at the frightened driver of the offending automobile.
The driver tucked and rolled out of their car, hitting a tree and effectively snapping their spine in half. Charlie (Car-he-ous-no-lie) sighed, and used his police authority to pretend that Billy's assisted murder never happened. He pulled out his bulk purchased police tap that said "Caution, accidental cripple murder- I mean that never happened".
Edward held Billy close (which was hard, because of all the aloe vera), and stared into his dark eyes. "Why Billy… why did you leave me? We could have been together."
Billy raised a slippery hand to stroke Edward's chiseled jaw. "We can still have it Edward."
"Oh Billy," Edward said, "You are so lucky that my dick is one of the only organs that work."
"My shriveled body is ready," Billy said. Jacob threw up in the background, and Bella complimented him on his retching skills.
Author's Notes:
-Why is their last name black if they're native american?!111?/
-Potatoes.
-*laughing in the background*
-Billy is a paraplegic btws
-We recommend viewing Twilight in 4x view for the ultimate cinematic experience.
-This was an experience.
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