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Thoughts of a Queen: Out of Place
By ReddAlice in 2000
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Author's Note: This short fic is so old... well... it's older than my cat, my backpack, and the posters plastering my wall... it was before I first dyed my hair.... It's so old it was posted on the very first page I ever created under the name Raven De'Vou!! Yes, well you get the point. It's from Relena's POV.
Warning: R POV... uh... yeah...
Status: Short and Finished
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It doesn't seem like he's gone. No. He seems like he is more out of place. I
spent years with him from afar. He was there on my wedding day. I eventually
worked with him...a Preventer. Of coarse I was never called out on a mission,
or even treated like a government official! No, I got the: "Hello Miss
Relena, Princess...queen, are you all right!"
I was never able to confirm that I loved him to my own heart. I was never able to tell him myself.
Especially after I married Quatre.
It
was there between us, whether it was approved of or not.
Duo was torn, he had been fighting with Heero the day he left...the day he
never came back from his mission. He spent Days alone in his room up on L2. He
stopped eating.... Hilde did her best to coax her husband out of his room, to
talk to her, tried to make him feel better about his loss. She never knew
Heero. She didn't even pretend she did. I wouldn't know if she shed tears, but
I shouldn't want to rant about her lack of them, I didn't either. I was a void.
He would come back...he was just...missing. Like he always was.
Quatre took it straight to heart. He is always so kind, even more kind then
what I was said to be, kinder then I was ever rumored to be. It was possibly
harder on him then anyone... even Duo and I. I was with him when the news was
brought to us. The deliverer, an enemy of mine, always will be no matter how
much she changed. I would have blamed her if I hadn't known he was still...
wondering. Lady Une.
I have still yet to hear from Wufei, he absorbed himself in his teachings, a
mathematician, and a scholar. I hear about him once in a while, how he is a
great teacher, and a broken soul. I will never understand myself.... but I
guess the man he was when he was younger...was nothing more then a mask of
anger over the cold war. Heero meant something to Wufei, that I know for sure.
He was the only man Wufei trusted full heartedly. I don't think Wufei and I
will be speaking anymore... Heero was possibly are only link and reason for our
broken dialogue.
The five pilots completed each other... they where a whole, each one making up
for the other's short comings...
Seeing Trowa shed tears was harder then watching my own husband weep over the
empty coffin. I can't describe the pain I read in his emerald eyes, he was so
distant, like his heart had been ripped out. Then the morbid thought crept into
my mind. What will happen when his best friend, my husband is turned to dust by
the coming of age?
There was nothing left of Heero Yui to bury. He was just...not there. Maybe
this is what my brother Milliardo meant when he turned away from me at the
funeral. "Relena, soldiers...a true soldier...will always get lost in a
mission... but how he thinks clearly, and with reflection is an astonishment I
have yet to grasp...I do it myself....I did it myself once...." He then
turned away from me brushing my arm, an almost visible inward smile present on
his face. He walked to the car, to be with his wife. She didn't leave the car.
She couldn't. I understood.
I still feel like I am going to turn around and he is going to reappear. Fast,
like it was when he disappeared when I was young. I guess...now he is another
ghost of the Sanq Kingdom. A wondering spirit...but if my old memory serves me
right. He always was like that, even before he was... out of place.
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Ending Note: Unlike my other fics, this was written so long ago that I am not asking for criticism or even reviews... because it wouldn't do me any good. As some of my familiar readers know, I don't write like this anymore... the voice I used here was lost back when I was 14. Anyhow, I am posting this just to share. I am also posting a Sailor Moon fic I wrote when I was 13 as well.... But don't worry, my updates will not be composed of things I wrote when I was crawling around in middle school. LoL ^-~ Again, I just wanted to share! Love ya guys!