Missing you hurts but I won't cry for you. Missing you hurts but I won't die for you. I won't regret you, and I'll always love you. Life is full of choices and you made yours, it's alright. I won't blame you. I'm still yours despite you not being mine but then you know that.

Don't ever forget when I first took you dancing or you forcing me to watch Grease with you and me holding my tongue throughout it rather than ruin it for you. Always remember our first kiss, our first anniversary. Don't forget sneaking into each other's hotel rooms on a case just for some time together, just for a few private and stolen moments. Treasure them. Find the double heart necklace with diamonds on the right side and smile at the memory of me giving it to you on your birthday. In return, I'll always remember the way your eyes would light up when you saw me. I'll remember on Valentine's Day when I walked in holding a box of your favourite chocolates and a bouquet of white lilies and you went straight for the chocolates. I'll never forget your smile or your kiss. I won't forget the feeling of having you in my bed repeatedly losing myself in you or the way you felt in my arms. These were some of the best moments of my life.

I choose to remember the fun we had, I choose to remember the way you loved me and the way I love you. You made me happy and you made me realise what it was like to come home and not fear the dark or being too scared to close my eyes. You showed me how life could be and I'm sure I'll feel this way again someday.

I owe you a thank you for all of this because although it's over now you showed me how to love and how to let go. You showed me what it was like to live and smile and laugh. You showed me life.

Earlier in this letter I told you I'd never die for you but if you receive this it could only mean one thing:

I did.

In the end there's nothing that can be said or done to change the direction of someone's life, sometimes things are just meant to happen. She broke his heart and in return he destroyed her's. Sitting there on her bed, she held the letter tightly in her hand as she rocked back and forth on her bed letting the tears fall from her eyes and race down her face. She would treasure these memories as she would this letter. She'd go back to it and she would read it and she promised herself that everyday she would lead by his example. Right from the moment she'd made her decision she'd regretted it and she thought everyday that maybe, just maybe, she could get back to him. She'd beg on her hands and knees if he'd take her back but then she became haunted by the thought that she didn't deserve him. So she didn't. Everyday she regretted it. Everyday she wished she could and everyday she promised herself she would when they next got a moment alone. Never had she built up the courage to do so. Now it was too late. He took a bullet in the chest for her, he didn't make it to the hospital but she stayed with him the whole way crying and holding his hand, begging him to stay with her. He promised her. Now at his funeral, in memory of him and to show she hadn't forgotten she'd force them to make the flowers on top of the coffin white lilies.

Walking over to her jewellery box, JJ picked up the delicate heart necklace with Spencer's and her initials on the back and fastened it to her neck. She would never forget.

She'd never forget their final words to one another : I love you.

- . - . - . - . - . - . - .

Well there's that , a depressing little story

I honestly have no idea what on earth possessed me to write it but there you go

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it (as much as you can enjoy a fic like this)

Let me know what you think ? Please ?