An X-Men X-Mas- Yuletide Tales of the Goddess of X-Femslash™
By the man called Yayo (Well, I'm called many other things, most not quite that nice. But I digress).
Rated PG-13 for mild language and adult themes.
First chapter deals with Kitty's relationship with Emma. Then the GoX-F goes through her relationships with a few other X-girls- to be revealed in the corresponding chapter.
I would also like to confess that I have no damn clue what a hors d'oeuvre is, and I'm pretty much winging it where they're concerned. Also, I am not a poet. Not at all.
Chapter 1? Emma Frost
Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the mansion;
Mutants were celebrating the lack of attacks from Magneto, Sauron and Bastion;
Nog ran freely, committing X-Men to future hangovers;
Causing them to talk harshly about those X-Statix posers.
Kitty Pryde walked through the school's spacious living room, phasing through partygoers while sipping her Coke (Even after being a bartender, Kitty didn't drink.)
She picked up snippets of conversations while on her way to the couch at the far end of the room.
"So I wake up at like noon Christmas day, and we all find that Rahne and Lorna had decided not to wait for us to unwrap their presents. Of course, they also hadn't waited to unwrap each other, so Val put us on probation for a week, but it was worth the look on Alex's face…"
"No, I didn't-" … "I told them that, but-"… "Alright, I'll make sure the damn thing gets to them if I have to dimension hop to Otherworld myself."
"What were you thinkin'? You don't bet against Orton at Survivor Series, that's like bettin' against 'Taker at' Mania. You deserved to lose 50 bucks."
"Another thing I've been wondering about: If Jono's mutation messed up his face, why'd it hurt Gayle's legs?"
"Um… Well, hayseed, it's like this… uh…M, you wanna field that?"
"Not for your life, Lee."
Kitty sighed as she plopped down in between Logan and Kurt.
"Ugh. Christmas. Why? Why do you Christian and Catholic types torture yourselves like this, when you could have a nice, calm Hanukah? Not that any of you care about it. You know the only one who helped light the menorah with me was Lockheed?"
"You've been talking to Emma again, ain't ya, Kitty?" asked Logan, taking a sip of beer.
"That obvious?"
"Da, leibchen. You always get snippy after talking with her." He too, sipped his beer: the one thing that made he and Logan friends when no one was trying to kill them.
"Yeah, I guess I do, but she's so… irritating. She acts like she's everyone's superior, and she always sounds condescending… and the way Scott acts around her, it isn't right. She's got him all messed up, and that isn't something I like seeing. He deserves better than that… tramp."
"Now, honey, ya can't just go around holding stuff like that in. You'll mess yerself up, trust me. Now Emma, she's over in the kitchen makin' hors d'oeuvres or somethin', an' I suggest you go in there and give her a piece o' yer mind fer the holidays."
"You know what… That's a great idea, Logan. I'll be right back." She stood up and walked away, phasing through the occasional guest.
"Mien freund, I'm afraid I do not understand. You have never encouraged Kitty to do such things before." Kurt observed.
Logan chuckled. "Trust me, elf, this is one time it'll be good fer all o' us to let Kitty get some things off her chest."
Nightcrawler looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You… you know something I don't, don't you?"
His only answer was a smirk.
The Kitchen
'Emma Grace Frost, mutant millionaire, cooking. Sure, it's French cuisine, but still. Don't I pay people to do this?' thought aforementioned diamond telepath Emma Frost.
"Emma!" Kitty spoke loudly enough to carry over the noise of the ongoing celebration.
Emma sighed. "Katherine, dear, I'm very busy and I'm quite sure that this isn't important, so please, do me a favor and go… away." She paused. "I'm too tired to think of something clever. Just leave."
"I want to talk to you."
"Why?"
"I don't like you."
"Yes, dear, we've established that, but it's all the more reason for you to go frolic with the rest of the children, isn't it?"
"I'm not your dear. And more importantly, we may have established a mutual dislike of each other, but I don't think you know why. I think, and Logan agrees, that we should get it all out in the open, so we know where we stand, and why we don't get along. It's the holidays, Emma, and I'm trying to be diplomatic."
"Hm. Well, I suppose, then, that I should at least give you some time to speak. I must admit, I never expected you to want to have a chat with me. I always assumed that we both know we didn't like each other and didn't need any further discussion."
Kitty was surprised at Emma's acceptance. "Oh… well, we do need further discussion, and if you can pull yourself away from this mutant mosh pit for long enough, I'd like it if we could do so."
"Fine, then. The hors d'oeuvres are done, I'll just take them out of the oven and we can go to my office and talk." Emma grabbed a pair of snowy-white oven mitts and took out 2 trays of snacks from the oven. "Lets go."
Kitty followed Emma from the kitchen and made her away across the room to the staircase. They took 3 steps, until-
"Oh my God!" screamed a female voice.
Emma and Kitty whipped around, scanning the crowd. "What's wrong?" yelled Kitty.
The previous female voice- belonging to Jubilee- rang again. "You're walking with Emma! Frost! Frosty! And no one's yelling or trying to kill each other!"
"So? Two grown women can stop squabbling for the holidays?" Emma inquired.
"It's weird. You two don't like each other. Wait…" Jubilee paused for a moment to think, the other partygoers silently awaiting further conversation.
"You're controlling her. You've gotta be, nothing else makes sense."
Emma sighed. "I assure you, Jubilation, that I am not controlling her."
"I'm still kinda skeptical, Frosty."
"There's as much chance of my taking control of her mind as there is of me sleeping with you." Emma said smugly.
"Oh… alright." Jubilee paused again, as Emma and Kitty walked up a few more stairs.
"But what about that one time, after Ev died, and we-"
"Ah, ah, ah, dear, that's a number of felonies if anyone finds out."
Several people stared. Jonothan, who up until then had been by the door brooding, telepathically laughed. Moments later, Logan joined is, physically.
"Man," said the Canadian, "that was a great night."
Yeah, ain't every day ya see two gels together like that. And to think, we were gonna go pub-crawlin' that night. tele-spoke Chamber.
Emma looked simultaneously angry, confused, and embarrassed. "How… it was on the sixth floor, and I telescanned the area…and you, Logan, weren't you in Canada or something?"
"Emma, when has how far away something is ever stopped me from knowing about it or being there to witness it? And the kid, he was with me. We got our ways. And trust us, if we were gonna turn ya into the cops, statutory would be the last charge on the long, long list. Although, I can't say I condone it."
Jubilee spoke up again. "But Wolvie, what about that one time, in Australia, after the crucifixion..."
"Ah, ah, ah, still a felony."
"Aw. No body wants to admit to having sex with me." Jubilee sulked.
"Wait!" yelled Paige. "What about that one time, after Angelo died, with me & M…"
"Ah, probably a felony." interrupted Monet.
"Damn." Cursed Jubilee and Paige in unison.
Scott coughed. "I propose that we all stop driving straight off memory lane and into a ditch and just ignore everything that's happened in the last…" he checked his watch, "12 minutes, and just get wasted so we all forget this traumatizing, disturbing experience."
Several people laughed, several people booed, and several Jamie Madrox's open beer cans to raucous assent.
Emma turned to Kitty and whispered "Slowly walk up the stairs and run as soon as they stop noticing us."
Kitty nodded and took a tentative step backwards up one stair, following it with another, and a third before breaking out into a run, not stopping until both women were at Emma's office. Emma took the key and was about to unlock the door before Kitty grabbed her by the wrist and phased them both through it. "Leave it locked. I don't want them anywhere near me for a while."
"Agreed. Very much so."
"Now.. why were we coming up here, again?" Kitty asked.
"We wanted to talk about why we don't like one another."
"Right, right. Well, to start off, you're a manipulative bitch."
"And you're a naïve, overly moralistic do-gooder."
"Cold-hearted slut."
"Juvenile drama queen."
"Skank!"
"Infant!"
"Wait! This isn't getting us anywhere."
Emma cleared her throat. "Yes, that was counterproductive. Now, let's both try to keep the insults to a minimum. So, why don't you like me?"
Kitty sighed. "I don't like you because… you always put people down, you constantly sound sarcastic, and you come off as trying to be superior at everything. You started a relationship with Scott, whom I've know as long as I've know you, out of dishonesty, a relationship in which you seduced him and took him from a woman he loved while he was at his lowest, most depressed and self-doubting point. You've assumed control over the one place I could always call my home by means of your rampant sexuality, which you never miss a chance to flaunt, evidence well enough by your costumes. I mean, you've taught dozen of impressionable teenagers while wearing thigh-high boots, white leather corsets, and holding a riding crop. You seemingly have no shame, and I find you utterly grating and am unable to have a civil conversation with you because of your personality."
Emma stared at her for a few seconds, blinked, opened her mouth, and closed it again.
"Hm." She scratched her chin. "Hm."
Kitty looked at her. "Response?"
"You… well, you're quite right, I suppose. No matter how I've done it, that is, to a 't', the image I exhibit. I highly doubt, therefore, that I could do much at all to convince you that regardless of how I dress or act, I've always had the best interest of my students at heart. Several of them have died while under my care, and it has truly torn at my heart to be responsible for that. This does not, however, excuse the fact that I may well have been the direct cause of their deaths, if only subconsciously. Katherine… that was very well put. Thank you for being so… frank."
"It's no problem, really. I wasn't trying to say that you don't care about people, but the way you present yourself can, at times, make it seem that way. And now that I've thoroughly tired myself out, why don't you like me?"
Emma searched for the right words. "Well… I suppose you could say that the reason I don't like you now is that we started off on such a bad foot, what with me blowing up a malt shop and kidnapping the X-Men while you spoke to Ororo. That really wasn't nice at all, but I was not as… discerning as I am now. I had a purpose, and in retrospect, the purpose was quite foul, and my means even more so. And since that time, I've harbored an intense dislike for you which hasn't sated itself over the years because we spent such little time in contact with each other until Scott started all these new teams up. There was no real chance to rectify old mistakes, to soothe old wounds, so we both grew to regard the other with distrust and dislike because that was all we'd ever known from each other. To simplify all that, the reason I don't like you and you don't like me is because one day when you were 13, I kidnapped your friends and you broke them out and got me attacked by a cosmic bird force."
"So.." Kitty started, "so what it all boils down to is that we hate each other because we worked against each other one day 7 years ago? That's… well, that's just ridiculous."
"I know. There's absolutely no reason that we shouldn't be able to get along with some working at it, and yet, we can't stand the sight of each other. Some primal part of us both prevents the pair of us from putting aside our old differences in order to work towards a noble cause."
"We hate each other because we can't make ourselves get along, and we can't make ourselves get along because we hate each other."
"God, that's just terrible. We never had a chance."
"Never. So… now that we've got that all out in the open… how about we go back to the party and try not to irritate each other?"
"Lovely idea." Emma said, standing up and opening the door. She and Kitty began to walk out before stopping dead in their tracks by the large crowd of X-affiliates with their ears at the door.
Emma sighed. "Jubilee, I can only assume that this is in some part your doing."
"Yup." Nodded to Chinese mallrat. "But there's a more important matter at hand right now."
"What would that be, dear?"
Jubilee smiled. "Look up."
Emma and Kitty did, so, and looked back down in shock. Mistletoe.
"Who hung that there?" Emma asked.
"I did." Said Scott, raising one hand. "Last night. I thought it would be festive and probably lead to me getting laid."
"Hell." Emma sighed again.
"C'mon, Frosty, you guys are under the mistletoe. Tradition and all." urged Jubilee.
"Oh, why the devil not. Merry bloody Christmas, Kitty."
"You, too, Emma."
And, standing in the doorway of the Headmistresses office, mutants of all kinds cheering them on, Emma and Kitty kissed each other as music played in the distance.