I.

Staring at the words on her laptop screen, Hannah huffed. There were only so many synonyms for 'cock' she could use in one paragraph. Her eyes flitted to the taskbar at the bottom of the screen, Facebook was just one click away. No. She inhaled deeply, rolled her neck, and focused back on the text in front of her.

She was on a roll, typing away about a couple fornicating on a train, when she was rudely interrupted by her Beyonce ringtone. Jackie. Hannah winced as she picked up.

"You're invited to Sunday lunch," her sister said in a honeyed voice.

Hannah was immediately suspicious and started looking for an excuse.

"Erm, I'm not sure I—"

"I need you to come," Jackie insisted.

"Ok, what's going on?" Hannah asked, suddenly worried.

"You know my new boyfriend Kyle who's a doctor?"

"Yes, I know your new boyfriend Kyle who's a doctor."

They'd been dating for a year, it was hardly news.

"His brother, Alec, is in town, he's staying with us and he's… Well, I'm sure he's usually delightful—"

"No, he's not," she heard Kyle shout in the background.

"Anyways, I need you to entertain him."

"I used to get paid for that," Hannah muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"Nothing. But why are you asking me? Don't you have some lonely, middle-aged friend for that?"

"You know how you are. You're… funny."

"I believe 'attention whore' is the phrase you used last time."

"Do you have to use words like that? Really, Hannah… Anyways, 11:30. Don't be late!"

Well, that phone call had effectively ruined her inspiration. She rose from her office chair and headed to the kitchen for a coffee break.

"Sam? Where are you?" she called on her way down the stairs.

II.

For once in London, Sunday lived up to its name: the air was warm, the sky was blue, the birds were chirping. It was unnerving, but it was the perfect opportunity to wear her new red summer dress. Her sister might not approve of the neckline, but she'd asked her to "entertain" her brother-in-law, she hadn't specified how.

She could have found an excuse not to go, but she'd been trying to get closer to her family. Yes, even Jackie. The main reason being her godson, Olly. She loved him to bits. Even though she had no desire to have kids of her own, and couldn't be more annoyed by all the people reproducing around her, she liked being the cool aunt. The one who spoiled him and gave him back to his mom when he was annoying. The cool aunt who would teach him all the things Jackie disapproved of, and who would slap him upside the head if he's anything less than a perfect gentleman.

"Banana!" Her blond nephew cried, running to the door as soon as she stepped in and throwing himself in her arms.

"Pickle!"

"Did you bring lollies?" he asked, eyeing her bag.

"Not this time, I've only brought grownup juice," she replied, pulling out a bottle of wine and handing it to Jackie.

"I have a new unca," the boy said.

"Oh, really, where is he?"

Olly pulled her by the hand to the living room where Kyle and his brother were watching snooker on television, beer in hand. They both stood up when she came in. The family resemblance was obvious even with Kyle's more clean-cut appearance and bigger frame.

Hannah had always had a soft spot for skinny boys, but lately she'd developed a taste for older men. Alec Hardy checked both boxes: lanky frame and freckled cheeks, soft lines at the corner of his eyes and a certain confidence in the way he held himself— not the cockiness of younger men but an assurance that came from experience. He could use a better fitting suit but overall— yum.

Still, Sunday lunch with her family was probably not the most appropriate place to hit on someone. Although, the prospect of annoying her sister was an attractive one. Anyway, if he was anything like his brother, he would start getting on her nerves somewhere in the next ten minutes.

With a coquettish smile, she flipped her blond curls over her shoulder and shook his hand. Unsurprisingly, his eyes didn't stay on her face for very long. Neither did Kyle's eyes which earned him a kick in the shins from her sister.

Jackie announced that the meal was ready and they all moved to the kitchen. The table was all decked out with appropriate seasonal napkins and centerpiece. A bit kitsch to Hannah's liking, but she said something nice about it nonetheless. She caught Hardy smirking and wondered if he'd seen through her compliment.

With the oven working overtime since this morning, the homely smell of roasted meat and potatoes permeated the air, and Kyle had to open the patio door to cool down the room. A gentle breeze ruffled the gingham curtains, carrying in the laughter of the children next door. It was all very quaint especially with that floral apron Jackie was wearing.

Hannah watched with curiosity as Hardy filled his plate with salad and roasted potatoes leaving barely any space for a slice of beef. It didn't stop Jackie from piling meat and a mini Yorkshire pudding over the vegetables and covering the whole thing with gravy. He grimaced.

"I can't eat that."

"Don't be fussy," Kyle said.

"Make an effort. My roast beef is excellent, you won't regret it," Jackie insisted.

"Leave him alone," Hannah said, "he said he can't eat it not that he didn't like it."

Alec glanced at her, but she couldn't tell if she'd offended him or if he was glad she'd come to his defence.

There was some talk about their respective mothers' cooking and much speculation over the true origin of Yorkshire pudding (named after the family, not the county, according to Kyle).

She quickly figured out that Hardy was as different from his brother as Hannah was different from her sister. That is to say they were fundamentally the same— they both had a desire to help the population as he was a police officer and his brother was a doctor— but distinct in their attitude. Kyle was nauseatingly cheerful whereas Alec was mostly subdued, a disposition he'd inherited from his father according to his brother.

"So, Hannah, what do you do?" Hardy asked.

A palpable discomfort settled in the room.

"I'm—"

"She's in publishing. More salad?" Jackie intervened.

Olly chose that moment to put a pea up his nose, disrupting the conversation. While his mother dealt with the crisis, Hannah cleared the plates, and Hardy helped her out. He pulled back his shirt sleeves to rinse the dinnerware, and she placed it in the dishwasher even though Jackie would probably do it all over.

"So, what was that about earlier?" he asked as they worked.

"You caused tension once and you're asking again?" Hannah said with a twinkle in her eyes.

"I like to get to the bottom of things."

"You might regret asking," she teased him.

He waited for her answer. She straightened from the dishwasher and grabbed the edge of the counter behind her, shifting her hips. She made a show of hesitating and smiling coyly.

"I write erotica," she said.

"That's it?" He arched an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"I'm not the one making a fuss about it."

To mend fences with her family, she'd decided to come clean— well, sort of. She'd revealed to them that she was the author of The Intimate Adventures of a London Call girl bestsellers, and that she was still in the writing business. Their scandalized reaction ("we didn't raise you like this") had justified her years of silence. Still, they'd all come around eventually as long as she didn't talk about it too openly. Her father, as always, was the one who encouraged her writing career the most. Knowing he was proud of her despite the subject matter, had really made her efforts to reconnect with her family worth it.

Before they could discuss her career any further, Jackie came in and said something passive-aggressive about skipping desert on account of Hardy's diet. Then, she announced they would all play a game. Hardy and Hannah exchanged a skeptical look but followed Jackie to the living room.

"How about Taboo?" Jackie suggested, pulling the box out of a cabinet in the media unit.

"Are you sure, darling?" Kyle asked carefully.

The goal of the game was for a player to have their partner guess the word on the player's card without using the word itself or the other words listed on the card. The more words were guessed within two minutes, the more points the team had. Hannah usually teamed up with her father, and Jackie with their mother. The game had a history of sparking conflict amongst the Baxters. It was now banned from their family reunion. Except today, apparently.

"Hannah you can play with Alec," Jackie decided.

Hannah leaned complicitly towards her teammate and whispered: "We will destroy them." Hardy's eyes widened.

"Maybe we should play Uno instead."

Both girls laid out the material on the glass coffee table and divided the cards. After a practice round for Alec's benefit, the real competition began.

Hannah sat on the floral couch, one leg bent to face Hardy. There was less than 30 seconds left and she was getting anxious, if he couldn't guess this last card, they would lose another round. With every second ticking by, her voice became louder.

"India, white, bats—"she shouted.

"Rice! Taj Mahal!"

"No, erm, Jiminy!"

"What?"

"JIMINY! In Pinocchio!"

"… Gepetto?" Hardy tried.

Hannah sighed impatiently.

"Nooo, India, white, bats and balls, teams."

She gesticulated wildly, and Jackie threw her a warning look, mimes were forbidden.

"Jiminy for fuck's sake!" The buzzer rang. "Cricket! Jiminy Cricket, you idiot."

"Who the hell is that?" he replied, his voice hitting a high-pitched note it never had before.

"You know Gepetto but—"

"Stop rowing you two!" Olly said very seriously as he looked up from his building block with a scowl.

Hardy and Hannah exchanged a sheepish look.

"Sorry, Olly," they said at the same time.

It was Jackie's turn and she was impatient to play. Hannah took the chronometer, counted down from three, and her sister flipped the first card.

"What we had for dinner yesterday," Jackie said.

"Pizza!"

"You can't do that!" Alec objected.

But they could, being a couple gave Jackie and Kyle a clear advantage in this game. Hardy leaned sideways towards Hannah.

"How we going to crush them now?" he asked.

"Keep your eyes on the ball, Hardy," she replied, glad he was on board.

Finally, after two rounds, they managed to surpass their rivals' score. Hannah held up her hand for a high-five that Hardy regarded with circumspection before reluctantly slapping her hand. She bumped him with her shoulder and a teasing smile, he rolled his eyes, but his lips twitched. The next time they won a round, he initiated the high-five.

As the game progressed, both teams grew more competitive, beyond normal sibling rivalry. When things became too heated, Kyle— who was the most level-headed at this point— intervened and called the game off. Anyway, there was no way for Hardy and Hannah to win, they were too far behind on points. The idea of a revenge game was suggested, but Kyle stepped in once more.

"Why don't you take Hannah home," he said to his brother.

He threw his car keys at Alec before they'd agreed to go. In other words, he wanted to get rid of his guests.

Hannah said goodbye to Olly with a hug and a promise they'd see each other again soon.

"Look, I need to get out of their air," Hardy said as they reached the car, "Would you like to go somewhere? With me."

"Oh, I can't, I have to get back to Sam."

"Yeah, of course, of course you have a boyfriend, sorry."

"Oh no, not a boyfriend, it's my dog. I have to walk him," Hannah clarified, "You could… if you want you could walk with us."

III.

At the Kensington Gardens, the smell of freshly-cut grass was strong in the air. Sam pulled on its leash relentlessly. With the ducks, squirrels and children running about, the puppy could barely contain itself. They walked past the Peter Pan statue and headed towards the round pond.

Despite the lively atmosphere, Hardy remained quiet. Hannah asked him a few personal things to which he replied with short answers and no follow up questions about her. He was sullen, eyes on the path, keeping a good distance between them. She gave up after a few tries, thinking this was a mistake, even though they'd gotten along pretty well earlier.

"I'm rubbish at small talk," he said, rubbing the back of his head, "I don't know how, I'm out of practice, I suppose."

"S alright," she said gently, she found the apologetic look on his face rather endearing to be honest. "Let's practice then, it's all about saying things that don't mean anything. Let's see, uhm, weather, that's always a good one: I heard we'll have a cool summer."

She nudged him with her elbow, indicating it was his turn.

"Aye, alright, cool summer… what about that global warming, then?"

"Oooh good one."

He rolled his eyes at her encouragement, but a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"Another one," she said, "uhm, what about Arsenal this season, eh?"

"Haven't really followed football this year."

"Me neither, just go with it."

"Okay, erm, that referee, what a wanker."

"Needs to get his eyes fixed, he does," Hannah added, mimicking a gruff voice.

They continued like that for a while, exchanging meaningless and sometimes downright absurd chit chat. She revealed to him her secret go-to phrase when she had no idea what someone was complaining about: "it's people like us who should run this country."

She laughed a lot but Hardy held back, except for a few short and throaty chuckles. His mood had definitely improved, though, and there was a twinkle of amusement in his eyes when he looked at her.

There were loads of people sitting on deck chairs and basking in the sun on the south bank of the pound. Amongst the crowd, they managed to find a spot of grass to sit down. Sam was panting, tongue hanging limply out of its mouth. Hannah filled a shallow bowl with bottled water for the puppy. She opened another bottle for herself. Stretching her legs, she leaned back on her hands, mirroring Hardy's posture.

They talked about their siblings and extended families. Just like Hannah, Hardy felt like the black sheep, the terrible middle child. His older brother and younger sister had both been straight-A students whereas he would ditch school as often as possible. His marriage had caused some controversy as well. His family had never liked Tess— one of the reasons why he'd left Glasgow— and they liked reminding him of that fact now that he was divorced.

"It's my lack of marriage that's problematic," Hannah said.

"Double standards."

"Yeah. I think my mother's more concerned about my ovaries' expiration date than my happiness."

Hardy chuckled.

"Well, you can't live your life trying to be what others want you to be, can you?" he said, and she couldn't agree more. "How else are you going to know what's the right thing to do, if you don't even know who you are?"

Hannah let his statement sink in. He barely knew her, yet his words were deeply relevant to her. Knowing oneself, as she'd found out lately, was a lifelong pursuit. Who are you? she wanted to ask him. Who will you be to me? Who can I be to you?

She looked up to find him staring at her with a slight frown of concern. His eyes were a beautiful clear brown in the sun, and it made her feel all mushy inside. She couldn't remember the last time someone had made her feel that way.

"You all right?" he asked.

"Yeah, you're quite the philosopher." She nudged him with her shoulder.

"Had a lot of time to think," he said, "So, you're, erm, you're free."

"I have boyfriends, I suppose, nothing serious, never. Not after last time."

He clearly wanted to ask what she meant, just like she wanted to know what had happened with his ex-wife. However, they didn't know each other well enough yet to ask. There was that tension of impending questions lingering between them. To avert it, Hannah shook bits of gravel out of her wedges sandals.

When they resumed walking, they passed by an ice cream kiosk. She sent Hardy on a mission to buy two 99s and try out his small talk skills with the cashier. He wasn't too keen on doing it at first, but she managed to convince him. Whatever it is he said, it worked. He remained at the ice cream stand for a good ten minutes, two cones melting away in his hands while the old man behind the counter ranted. When Hardy glared at her, she came to his rescue with some excuse to leave the park quickly.

"What did you say?" she asked once they were far enough.

"Saw some chav on his mobile, and I just said 'kids these days', and now I know everything about his bloody grandson."

He was really annoyed, even more so when she started laughing, but he cooled down quickly and shook his head in a sort of indulgent way.

"Sorry," Hannah said.

"Nah. Thanks."

He smiled at her, a proper toothy grin that made her heart skip a beat. His whole face lit up, happy lines at the corners of his bright eyes. He looked down, a bit flustered, trying to reign in his own mouth, but his smile stayed despite his best efforts, and when he looked back up at her, she was still smiling too.

"You're very handsome when you smile," she said, "Shame you don't do it more often."

"Yeah well, investigating child murders will do that."

His statement shocked her. A shadow passed over his face, erasing any trace of his former happiness.

"Blimey, you are terrible at small talk."

"Fuck." He rubbed his eye with a groan. "Sorry, I spoiled the mood… I should go."

He started walking away but she followed him.

"You really want to be alone?" she asked.

"I'm not good company."

"It's not what I asked." He stopped, and she tried to think of something to say. "I know that kind of blue mood, when it sweeps over you…"

He kept his eyes on her, swallowed thickly and nodded.

But ultimately, he left.

IV.

Jackie had never quite grasped the concept of writing as an actual job, one that involved efforts and keeping a tight schedule to get things done. Which is why she had no qualms about asking Hannah to babysit at the last minute.

"I really need your help, he has a fever, I can't leave him at the childminder. Bring your computer, you can write from my house," she'd said like writing an erotic novel while watching over a five year-old was within the realms of possibility. She must have been really desperate to even suggest this.

"Isn't Alec staying at your house? Can't he do it?"

"No, he's working. Please hurry."

Hannah quickly threw on an outfit appropriate to run after a kid all day— skinny jeans and striped vest top— and made her way to Jackie's. Unlike last Sunday, the house was all topsy-turvy. Her sister apologized for the mess (but not for waking her up) and gave her a long list of instructions. Hannah had never taken care of a sick child before and was frankly a little terrified. Olly was uncharacteristically whiny and clingy, and she wanted nothing more than to make him feel better. It's probably why she agreed to cook Gummy Bear pancakes, they looked disgusting but they cheered him up.

They were in the middle of a game of Hide-and-seek when Hardy came back. She was hiding in the closet while Olly was counting, and she could see the boys through the space between the door and the jamb.

"Hey kiddo! How come you're home?"

He sat on his haunches to be eye-level with his nephew.

"I'm poorly."

"Who's taking care of you?" Hardy asked, placing the back of his hand on the child's forehead.

"Banana's here, she's hiding. You have to hide too!"

Before Alec could say anything, Olly had covered his eyes and started counting again. Their nephew was trying to resist the temptation of peeking through his fingers as his uncle searched for a hiding place.

As luck would have it, Hardy chose the same hiding place as her. He jumped in surprise when he found her. There was no time to find another place, Olly had nearly reached twenty, so she pulled him in by his tie.

"Hi Banana," he whispered.

"Hello."

"You gonna let go of my tie?"

"Oops, sorry."

She tried looking away from him, but in the cramped space he was in her field of view wherever her eyes settled. With the coats in the closet, there was very little space left for two adults, also Alec had to hunch over her because of the shelf above their heads.

He said something about stinky shoes, and she laughed nervously. She wished he weren't trying so hard to put as much space as possible between them.

She was anxious to ask him how he was feeling. She'd been worried about him since he'd left her at the park. Even more so after looking him up on the internet and finding out what he went through before coming to London. One killer had walked free after a trial, and the others, he'd arrested after everyone had lost faith they would ever be found. She only knew the facts that had been reported by the press, but it wasn't hard to imagine it must have affected him deeply. One piece in the Broadchurch Echo had really made her heart ache for him.

She may not be an escort anymore but the habit to help men feel better was still deeply ingrained in her. Not only that, but there was something about him that called out to her. What she'd gone through since leaving Ben two years ago, was very different but difficult nonetheless, she was still recovering. Hardship was not something that could be measured and compared. She thought maybe he'd understand what it was like to fight to keep your head above the water. And she wanted to let herself care about another human being again.

"Hannah?"

God help her, there was that soft look in his eyes again.

"I just wanted to say, that I…" He put a hand lightly on her shoulder.

"Found you!" Olly shouted, opening the closet door.

After that, she couldn't get Hardy alone again. They continued playing for a while, taking turns counting and looking for the others. For all his uneasiness around adults, Hardy was great with kids. To be honest, she was relieved to have a parent there with her. Especially when it became obvious that Olly needed to rest yet refused to go to bed.

"Listen Pickle, you need to rest or you won't feel better tomorrow," Hannah explained.

"I don't want to feel better, I want you to come back tomorrow."

His eyelids were drooping, and he was on the verge of tears. She looked over at Hardy for help.

"Here's what will do," he said, "we'll take your temperature and if it's fine you won't have to go to bed and we can continue playing, alright?"

"Okay," Olly replied weakly.

Hardy picked up the little boy in his arms and told Hannah to turn on the telly to CBeebies, Story Time was on. He went to the bathroom to get the thermometer, then he settled Olly on Hannah's lap with his Spiderman blanky around his shoulders. They let him sing along the theme song before taking his temperature. By the time the thermometer beeped, Olly had already nodded off.

"Works every time," Hardy whispered.

They laid him down across their knees, and he twisted and turned drowsily. Eventually, he fell into a deep slumber in a strange position, the kind only kids can sleep through. His little chest rose and fell under the blanket she'd draped over him, and his hair had fallen over his eyes, not unlike Hardy's. She brushed the hair away from his forehead, it was damp.

"Will he be all right?" she asked in a low voice.

"Aye, don't worry," Alec reassured her, "I can look after him if you want to go."

After what had happened last time at the park, she couldn't be sure if he was just being nice or actually didn't like company.

"Do you want me to go?"

"No, no... Sorry about last time, I shouldn't have taken off like that."

"It's fine, you had your reasons."

"I had a good time, before," he admitted with a small smile.

"Yeah, me too."