Right, so I have no idea how many people have done a parody of My Immortal; be it on this site or anywhere else, but I'll try it. Okay, so this is kind of old news, but I just thought, "What the hell, I'll do it."
So yeah, on with Chapter One.
(This chapter is about Chapter One of 'My Immortal.' Read it if you want with this story, but you must have the ability to read and laugh at the same time. Thank you.)
18 years ago…
"Congratulations Mrs Way, you have a new baby g- holy crap!" The doctor, a balding man with dark, wide rimmed glasses, holding the newly born child nearly dropped the baby, it's head barely touching the steel frame of the hospital bed.
Mrs Way, who had sucked in air to do the typical 'new mum gasp of joy at newborn child,' did a double-take. "What? What is it? I need to do my typical new mum gasp of joy at newborn child!"
The doctor, stuttering, replied, "Th-that's a lovely shade of black the baby has…"
"Yeah, that's ebony black," another doctor replied, looking at the baby's locks, "I do art when I'm not being a doctor." Sure enough, the young, blond haired doctor was wearing a uniform that had light paint stains.
"That's just plain unusual," The first doctor said. Sure enough, the baby's hair was twice as long as the baby herself.
"That's it!" Mrs Way exclaimed (someone said "Shhh!"), "I shall name this baby Ebony!"
"Fine choice," The doctor who did art commented, waving his arm up in the air strangely.
Mrs Way disregarded this. "Why do you think her hair's so long?"
"We're not professionals," The third doctor replied, this one having long curly darkhair, not unlike the baby's. "Hell, we don't even know if this bed is hospital standard."
"Hey, isn't this the bed I was gonna get for my fiancée?" The second doctor asked the third doctor.
"Shut up!" The third doctor growled between his teeth.
Suddenly, all the lights were extinguished, plunging everyone in the small hospital room into dark'ness.
"Damn!" Someone said – it was impossible to tell who – "No one can see in this dark'ness!"
"Make sure the baby stays safe!" Another voice commanded out.
The lights came back on, revealing all three of the doctors in some sort of arrangement – they all appeared to look like a dance number with arms bent at their sides, and balancing on one leg in perfect unison. They broke apart, dusting themselves off to regain their 'professionalism.'
"Excuse me, my arm slipped," All of the doctors said in one voice, then looked at each other strangely.
A bed was rolling with two doctors at its heels, with one of them yelling, "This man has to go to the dementia ward! Come on!" Their loud footsteps gradually died away.
"Oh hey mates, check it out!" The third doctor was pointing out the window, and was looking at a black bird perched on a tree conveniently planted there.
"I've never seen a raven here!" The first doctor exclaimed (somebody said 'Shhh!).
"Then her name shall be Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way," Mrs Way cryptically responded.
There was a silence. The doctors were shifting uncomfortably in their shoes, making a squeaky sound on the floor.
A very uncomfortable silence followed. The doctors were sneaking glances at each other, almost telepathically asking each other what to do, or say, rather.
Finally one responded, "Um, we'll prepare the birth certificate." The other doctors nodded feverishly, and followed him out of the ward.
Once safely in an empty office, the doctors collapsed into great peals of laughter.
The blond doctor pointed in the direction of the ward, wheezing out "Did you se tha-" and all three doctors roared with laughter once again.
"Oh God, the doctor with the glasses said, tears coming out of his eyes, "If I ever read that in a text document of any kind, on the web probably, I'd never believe it…
Present day…
Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way was now a seventh year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her appearance was indeed most shocking: her once lovely dark hair now had terribly done streaks done into it (the person who was responsible has not been revealed, but some argue that her name was 'Tara'), a shirt that had the popular (Muggle) band known as Good Charlotte, a leather miniskirt that she was probably sweating in the litres, and combat shoes that probably would have been really unnecessary as there hasn't been a firefight in Hogwarts for at least one hundred years. Needless to say, she was a tryhard 'goffik' as her new word was.
Ebony also suffers from an advanced form of dyslexia, which normally affects one's ability to read and write, but also she has trouble saying words correctly. On the other hand, speech pathology experts are baffled as to how she can say popular internet abbreviations such as 'STFU' and 'OMFG' fluently and correctly.
Ebony walked up to non-tryhard Goths, who preferred the actual gothic rock scene, which for some reason wizards at Hogwarts have listened to.
"Oi prepz!" Enoby yelled. The Goths turned around. "Take this, GC rox!" She stuck up her middle finger, and walked on.
The Goths were completely at a loss as what to say.
"Dude, is Good Charlotte even part of the gothic rock scene?" One said to the others, sounding very stoned.
"If we listened to that, we would probably be normal people," Another stoned voice replied, statue-cally.
"Oh. Dude, no." The first Goth came down on the other, with his voice having no emotion whatsoever.
"Hey, Ebony!" A voice called behind Ebony.
"It was……………… Draco Malfoy!!" The newly hired 'It Was' guy said, striding across the scene.
Ebony blushed: her skin tone turned paler. "Omg hi Draco what up?"
"Nm," Draco replied.
"Draco, you prununce it lyke this: nm," Ebony responded, displaying her aforementioned style of pronunciation, the dumbfu-
"O, my friends are calling, me, gtg Draco ily" Ebony said, heading towards a totally empty classroom.
I would just like to say that I temporarily forgot how to spell 'Goth' correctly for a few seconds in the course of writing this piece. You know who to blame.
Yeah, sorry if I didn't portray the Goths strongly enough, if you didn't think so, I 100 per cent agree.
Anyway, continue or not? Reviews welcome.