Being primarily a Shamy fan this is kind of a departure from my norm. Yet recently I have found myself fascinated with Emily's character and her dark streak. This is a little AU exploring how she may have come to be so dark, and her real reason for hating Penny. Throughout the story all pairings will be represented, as it will be told from different perspectives.
The sky is inky black completely cloudless, out in the middle of no where with no light pollution every star is visible. It would be beautiful if not for the terror invading her every sense. Tears stream down her face mixing with the soil on the cold ground. She can smell the cow manure in the fertilizer they use to grow the corn. In her mouth his a corncob that is duct taped on, she can feel the ribs of its green sheath and as she bites down she gets the silky hairs stuck in her teeth. She has no idea where they are leading her as they march her through the corn field. She thought her captures were her friends, she thought tonight was going to be accepted into the "it" crowd instead she is being lead to her doom.
Finally they stop at a scarecrow stand, she shuts her eyes knowing what is coming next. She hears the thud as the guys toss the scarecrow on the ground then she feels herself being hoisted up by Billy Ussery and Ryan Kowlaski. One of their hands lingers a little too long on the underside of her breast as they hang her. To think just hours earlier when they had invited her out she had imagined the night could end with Ryan's hand there. Only they would be tucked in some dark corner of his basement, The Reason by Lifehouse playing as he gave her the make out session she had always dreamed about. They hang her there by the back of her shirt and then duct tape her wrists to the post. She hangs there crucified completely humiliated as her kidnappers stand there and laugh at her. The blood is pounding in her ears making it hard to make out their voices. Then she hears the high nasally cruel voice of the ring leader ring through the din.
" Who is top of the class now!" she chortles wrapping her arm around Ryan's waist. "If you are so smart Kathy, get your self down!" then they walk away leaving her there dangling, the duct tape cutting into her wrists.
She loses track of time and she dozes off, waking as the sky begins to lighten. When she opens her eyes it is odd she can see herself hanging there, but what is wrong with her eyes they are dark, it looks like she has been crying tears of blood. Then she realizes that she has no eyes, that she is able to look at herself because her eyes are in the mouth of a crow. Staring out at her from its mouth the bright green iris spinning around,the sinews and tendons hanging from its beak….
Then she hears the screaming, deep guttural noises that echo off the walls. It is her she realizes she is the one screaming but she can not stop it, the dream had been so she feels warm arms wrap around her, stroke her hair and a calm soothing voice whisper in her ear.
"Emily, Emily I am here, I won't let anything happen to you." The exotic accent instantly calming her , Emily, who is Emily she thinks groggily.
"You are having another nightmare, it is not real Emily, I am here." She turns to look at the face of the arms now encircling her. The kind eyes the deep brown of warm chocolate framed with long black lashes to long to belong on a man. The face etched with worry and concern a little furrow forming between his comes back to her now, she is Emily, Kathy is the old her, no one knows Kathy anymore. She looks into the concerned eyes of the man before her his love and concern radiating off of him in waves. She does not deserve his love, she is too broken to be loved, he does not really love her anyway. Not the real her, anyways he loves the idea of her, the her she has meticulously created for him to love, she is his manic pixie dream girl, he has no clue about what lies below the surface.
The terror is still coursing through her and she cant seem to calm down. Adrenaline pumps through her veins as she recounts that night, hanging there until morning. Waking up with the crows all standing on her arms their quizzical little heads cocked at her curiously as she awoke. Then the sound there wings made when they all took flight at once that whooshing beating sound; that she still sometimes heard even when it wasn't there. The reverberation of their beating wings and the sounds of her screams echoing deafly throughout the cornfield.
The terror and adrenaline needs to cycle out of her system and she deals with it in her favorite way. Looking into his face she locks her lips with his she knocks him down onto his back. Releasing his mouth, she rips off the t-shirt she wore to bed. Then she jumps on him he is already ready to go, she loves that about him, he may not last the longest but he is always ready. She bends down over him her long red hair framing his face kissing him deeply as she holds his hands above his head so he can not touch her. When she is like this she has to be in control, she can not stand to be touched, and he has come to understand this.
Raj is so understanding, his face still concerned even when desire is the dominating emotion. The first time she had down this he had tried to stop her. Tell her its was not necessary and he would hold her and talk to her all night if it would make her feel better. His kind words had the opposite effect, she felt rejected, and she had kicked him out of bed and refused to speak for him for a week. After that he had learned to go along with her wishes, he lays still, underneath her, like one of those life size sex dolls. Assuming the position he puts his hands over his head showing that he will not touch her. Emily grabs his hands ands and pins them against the headboard as tightly as she can.
"You don't have to hold my hands , I wont touch you." He says completely spellbound by the creature now using his body. So she release his hands and he folds them underneath his head as she rides him arching her body backwards and digging her nails deep into his thighs. If he feels the pain he does not show it and soon she finds her release and jumps off him, not caring if he found satisfaction or not. Then she curls into his side like a contented cat and she allows him stroke her hair. "What was the dream about?" he asks sleepily.
"I don't remember, just that it was scary." She lies adding it to the pile of lies she has told him.
"You know you, can tell me anything." He says and she freezes, fearing the worst, he has uncovered her web of lies. "If it was something like the spider in roller skates from the Harry Potter movie I wont judge you." And she lets out a sigh of relief, he is not on to her at all, sweet innocent Raj her dreams are made of much darker stuff then spiders on roller skates. Raj would be shocked to the core if he knew the extent of her nightmares she thinks as she dozes off again.
In the morning when she wakes she is momentarily disoriented, not recognizing her surroundings. Then she hears Taylor swift being sung off key in the kitchen and the smell of cinnamon and sugar and something else delicious she can not place. Raj's bed she remembers stretching and going to pull on the t-shirt she had not bothered on putting back on after her nightmare. Emily does not like spending the night at his place, it is too far from the hospital and the constant presence of dog hair is annoying. Yet it is a necessary evil if she is to carry out her plan. Raj has not been invited back to her place since the incident, the night when her whole house of cards she had been building almost came tumbling down. Even now she still berates herself over her carelessness, why had she allowed him in the apartment alone? Because she had started to trust him, she chides herself, never trust anyone, time as told her that.
Emily pads out into the kitchen and his met by a enthusiastic Raj dressed in a red kimono spooning eggs onto a plate. Why does he insist on doing this every morning she spends the night she moans inwardly. He makes these giant breakfasts knowing that she won't eat but a nibble of each offering.
"Good morning my beautiful lotus blossom, I made you a real treat this morning! Orange cardamom cinnamon rolls, maple pancetta,and scrambled eggs made with gruyere cheese." He says eagerly pulling out a chair for her and she reluctantly sits down. Taking a healthy bite of the roll he sits on her plate. His enthusiasm is catching, she likes how over the top he is about every aspect of his life. Cinnamon rolls are never just cinnamon rolls,they are orange cardamom cinnamon rolls. Her hair is not just red, it is November in Vermont,resplendent like the autumn sunset.
"That's a girl, you need to eat more, I am sure to fatten you up a little." The food turns into sawdust in her mouth and she fights to urge to spit it out onto her plate. He meant it as a compliment but she does not take it that way, he has no idea the insult he has inflicted upon her. No idea how much time and effort it takes to maintain the long lean body he has come too love. How many meals she has skipped how many hours she has spent in spin class, cycling out the rage. If she looked the way she used too, he would have never looked twice at her. Her beauty is the reason he sought her out, it is the reason he stays, and the thought both comforts her and fills her with anger.
"You know I don't have a big appetite." She demurs choking down the food in her mouth giving him a wan smile.
"No, I guess we cant all have big appetites and maintain our girlish figures." He jokes patting his slightly rotund stomach as he eats a scoop of eggs. Emily sips the coffee he has set in front of her, black the way she likes it. "So I was thinking that today we could spend a little time with my friends, and don't you use the hospital as an excuse! I know today is your full day off." He says wagging a finger at her as she cringes.
"Raj…" she begins, he has no idea what he is asking of her.
"Come on Emily! I have a beautiful girlfriend finally and what is he use if I can not parade her around in front of my friends." He says smiling and grabbing her free hand looking pleadingly into her eyes.
"I know , you and your friends have this weird sort of codependent relationship going on, but I am not a part of that! " she says , her argument is getting old, and she is running out of excuses.
"But you could be! Bernadette and Amy were new to the group once too and now its is like they were always there." Emily knows what he wants, he wants her to integrate herself into the female portion group. He wants her across the hall drinking wine and talking boys while he and the guys play video games all night. Well that is never going to happen, she would rather the crow from her dream really peck out her eyes than to ever step foot in that apartment again.
"Raj, they just really aren't my type of people,why can't we just do something we both can enjoy." Emily begs, bile rising in her throat thinking about spending one of her precious days off in the company of HER.
"Is it Sheldon? I know he can be annoying but after time, you can really get used to him." He pleads and she rolls her eyes. It is not Sheldon, if anything he was one of the few members of his little band of nerds that she could stand. Sure he was a pompous prick, but he owned it, he knew he was and she respected that. In fact if Raj had suggested just spending time with him and his girlfriend Amy she might be more receptive. It was the rest of the group she objected too,Howard was a passive aggressive douche, Leonard was a needy neurotic nutbag, Bernadette she might be able to get behind if she gave in to the darkness inside and not the syrupy elf she acted like. Yet it was the blonde evil whose name she could barely speak that kept her way.
"Its not Sheldon." She sighs not wanting to get into it, for her plan to work he can not know how deeply her hatred ran. She thought if she let him know she did not like her because of the make out incident that would be the end of it. She had been wrong, and he had been more insistent than ever about her being part of the group.
"Is it Amy? she can be a little weird and clingy but she has a really good heart." The description rankles her, she used to be Amy. Back when she had still gone by Kathy and lived in Nebraska, she had been just like Amy. Mousy, a little dumpy,with hair the color of dish water, and glasses that took up her entire face. Then after high school and the terror in the cornfield she had reinvented herself. She lost a lot of weight dyed her hair bright red and got contact lenses, the only thing she had not sacrificed was her mind. Being smart and good in school may have been how she ended up in the cornfield, but it had also been her ticket out.
"I like Amy, without her I may not know you, she is a really sweet girl." She tells him taking another dainty bite of the roll. Knowing that referring to how they met will open a soft spot in his heart a sure fire way for her to get her way. He looks at her his eyes soft and he takes her hand and kisses it.
"My life has never been better since, that is why I want to share every aspect of my life with you, my friends are a huge part of who I am." He says giving her sad puppy dog eyes, that she is usually immune too. However she feel a part of her relenting, she could get through this, there was no saying she would have to be near her. She could hang around Raj and if he broke away she could cling to Amy and hope that the bitch disliked her enough now not to speak to her.
"Fine, you got me we will go." She relents and he looks like a kid on christmas, it almost breaks her heart, if she had one to break. Besides she thinks as he busies himself with the breakfast dishes, it is high time she carry out another step of her plan.