((disclaimer)) SK belongs to Hiroyuki Takei, not moi.

a/n: uh. drabble and OOCness. first time writing in this style -shrug-

--would you?--

Hao's PoV:

I saw you tonight, like every other night.

Casual pose, lazy attitude, bright smile. Chocolate bangs framing your face, with the the orange human device you call headphones blocking the natural flow. The Bera claw necklace from Matamune made small metallic sounds as picked that up from the table, tying it to your neck. You stood by the dining of Funbari Onsen, grinning, laughing with those weak shamans you call friends. I was not able to see your full face until you looked out the window, commenting on the bright moon that night. If you knew I was here, would you try to find me?

It was a carefree expression, a happy one. I saw you retreat to your room, flicking the light switch. The others headed off respectively as well. The itako dropped by your room. Sometimes, I wish we didn't have this bond. I did not refer to the separated hatred our accursed family has bought upon us, but this brotherly twin one. We are too close that way.

Too close, I cannot block out your thoughts or feelings.

Your loyalty to your friends. Your attachment to our family. Your devotion to your comrades. Your support of the humans. Your hatred..of me. Your attachment.. to the itako.

Damn her! Damn her to the deepest depths of hell!

What would you do if you had never met her?

Would you love that pink-haired disgrace with such a low level of furyoku? Would you love that Chinese idiot who rejected me many times over? Would you love that grudge-bearing English brat who glances at you with a heated look occasionally? Would you...

...love me?

Hah.

I can't believe I actually thought that. You're really something. To spark such in the great Hao Asakura.

... no, you did not do that.

You set up the matches.

I ignited them myself.

I'm off my guard tonight. I have every right to be. I did not realize my furyoku was depleting until my hold on the branch was loosening until the it snapped. I carefully slid down the tree though, careful not to make any noise. I didn't bother going back up there, my furyoku was completely drained. I didn't mind, as I could still see Funbari Onsen from here, though. Your room was dark, like every other night. I saw your lithe form on your side, eyes closed in a deep slumber, hands on the futon in ease. Relaxed, undisturbed. The itako was in your room, sleeping in her futon to your right. You two faced each other, unknowingly. Calm, slightly suppressed.

I knew that you love her. I knew. Ever since you found out you had to, ever since she had trusted you with that oni. Ever since you started to fall for her true feelings peaking through those slaps and glares. I knew that you realized she had you wrapped around her finger, and you don't mind at all.

I mind.

I care more than her. I just hide it better.

I lean back against the tree, staring at the broken branch.

A soft breeze danced. I didn't bother to pull the hair away from my eyes as the dance came to a fading , slow conclusion.

I tried to summon Spirit of Fire, multiple times. When nothing happened, I smiled. My furyoku was completely drained. I slowly stood up, affected not by the lack of sleep but the lack of thought. My mind wasn't racing on this matter.

I went deeper the small forest by Funbari Onsen. I saw a clearing, but trudged on. It had started to rain.

Plip-plop. plip-plop.

The rain was not bad, but rather a drizzle. I gave an affectionate look to the skies. Mother nature weeped for me. Would you? What a silly question.

I spotted it, the clearing.

It wasn't any clearing, but one that bought memories...

-flashback-

I was surprised at your calmness. do you realize who I am, brother? Do you realize I can incinerate you with one command? Do you realize I could distract you and kill off those pathetic things you call friends?

Yes, you did. But you knew I wouldn't.

I couldn't.

'Hey Hao," you grinned, as if you had but a care in the world.

"Yoh, you're still weak." Well, what else could I say? "If you're going to say something to me, hurry up because you've got to train."

"Aww, don't be like that." you pouted typically. That pout is adorable. I hope you know that. "I just wanted to tell you that I will never join you in following your dream, but I support your determination. That, and do you want to come over today? Everyone's out doing their own business, and I could use some company."

What an idiot. That's not really something you should blurt out saying without planning first.

"If you're training, then you don't need company." I turned to leave, trust him with a lame excuse of a meeting."I will fulfill destruction on the humans, whether you like it or not."

Before I took two steps forward and away from you, I felt your hand in mine. Silent persuasion of telling me to stay and listen. I felt my face heat up, and was glad I was facing the opposite direction. "I-"

"Why do you hate me, Hao?" What, hate you? Yoh, I could never. But, I could never tell you that either.

"You're pathetic and weak. A sorry excuse for a brother." I tried in my coldest voice. Without waiting for a response, I ran out of the small clearing. I knew your thoughts. I knew you were going to say something negative. I didn't want to hear it.

-end flashback-

That clearing.. what if I had told you the truth? That my feelings towards you were the complete opposite of hate? Would you reconsider your prejudiced image?

I sat down in the center of the clearing. The rain was a bit irritating, but it did not matter.

I withdrew a knife from my cloak. It was amazing what could fit in there with a touch of shamanism. If I carried you home with me, would anyone notice; i wonder..?

I wasn't shaking. My hand was steady on the knife, and I carved into the tree;

'live your carefree life happily, otouto.'

What else was I supposed to write? It's not like you're an interpretor of messages. I was pleased at my craft, the characters came out smoothly.

I stared into the misty sky. It was starless.

How ironic.

Otouto, I remember you telling Anna that if she wanted you to save her, you would. That because you were kind and caring, you would help whoever was left out, and put down. You would do that to anyone, but especially a loved one. One you cared about with your life.

I raised the knife with my right hand, shaking ever so slightly.

You told me, a few days after the clearing incident, that you didn't mean to phrase his words without thinking. You told me that you were sorry, but I have learned to ignore it. On the surface, anyway. Inside, I was crying, but I don't regret.

It came in contact with my wrist. I hissed in brief pain, blood mixing with the raindrops forming a mess on my left arm.

You have wanted to be Shaman King to live an easy life. I hope I have helped you. By focusing all your hate , agony, despair.. on me, once I am gone you shall feel nothing negative. You would remember to the threatening situations with me, and think of the current situation as a small pebble on the road. But, would you even remember me?

I felt light-headed, watching the oozing blood from one of my wrists. The blood was clotting, and I raised the knife to my neck.

If you knew that I had other emotions instead of negative ones, would you break down my barriers and peer inside? Would you care I was suppressing my wants for yours? That I wanted to be with you in ways that would send you to your death? That I wanted you to..

It rested on my collarbone, tilting up. The metallic-blood glow was almost menacing in the now-pouring rain.

It doesn't matter now. Rejoice in the lack of my existence, forever in your lifetime. I've immobilized Sati and Jeanne so victory in the shaman tournament is yours. Funny how it ends, isn't it otouto? How I gave up a thousand years of attempting to create a better place for someone with an unfocused dream like you.

I forced my remaining strength into my hand.

If you found out, would you wonder why I'm doing this? Why I, the great Hao Asakura, would step aside for someone of the likes of you? Would you feel the slightest bit of remorse? Would you tell the itako to call me back for an explanation? You're so silly, my Yoh. Is it not obvious? Aishiteru.

I let go.

Darkness was never more welcomed.

If I told you to save me, would you?

Would you?

Of course not.

OWARI