He finally looked up at the clock. Forty minutes.
He had been sitting there, alone in the dark exam room, for forty minutes, wallowing in all of the emotion that had come to the surface. Gamma was gone. She had left him with the damn foundation. His mother hadn't bothered to show up. Abby's brother ruined the funeral. Now that was over.
He had known that for a while, though. He had been denying the fact for months. So much was changing in his life, and he wanted stability. Oddly enough, he found that enough in a woman who seemed to be anything but stable. Between her alcoholism and her mentally disturbed family, she had enough baggage of her own. He just added to that.
He wasn't in love with her anymore. If there was any doubt before, it disappeared the minute Eric fell into the open grave at the cemetery. He was still angry-angry at Eric for making the funeral into three ring circus, angry at Abby for bringing him there, and not worrying about the consequences, angry at himself for letting the relationship go on as long as it did.
This wasn't what he wanted from his life. No matter how passionate he had once felt for Abby, there had always been a void. Something was not quite there.
He had to get out of there. He knew where he had to go.
++++++++
"Hey, Jerry, have you seen John?"
"He left about ten minutes ago. Still looked upset. Abby walked out of here an hour ago, nearly in tears. Any idea what that's all about?"
"No idea Jerry. Thanks. Have a good night."
++++++++
"I'm so sorry, Gamma. You know I wouldn't ever do anything like that on purpose. I promise nothing like that will happen again. It's over between us. I can't-I can't deal with her problems and mine. You knew that a while back didn't you?"
Still in his suit, however unkempt, he sat on the damp ground beside a thick mound of dirt. He needed to feel close to her, like there was still some connection between them. He kneaded the dirt in his hands, as if that would cosmically let her hear all the words that he was saying. Tears flowed freely, unhindered.
He looked up at the stars, and tried to ignore the sound of approaching footsteps. He soon felt a presence over him, but he didn't dare look to see who it was. His father maybe? Abby coming to apologize? He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Whoever it was would have to deal with that and leave.
"John?"
The familiar voice was like a soothing fresh wind. But he sat still, not wanting her to see the tears in his eyes. In his peripheral vision he could see her kneel down beside him. He felt her gentle hand touch his shoulder.
"John, I'm sorry about what happened in the trauma room earlier. I - I know that today has been trying for you. Susan told me what happened at the funeral. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. It's unfair. She was a good woman. She deserved better."
"Yes, she did."
" I know I can't say anything to make it better, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen if you need to talk."
"What about Pratt? Won't he get jealous?"
She chuckled slightly.
"I don't think he'll have a problem with me helping out a friend. Besides, he's leaving for Northwestern soon. I don't see it working out past then anyway."
"Thanks. I appreciate that. How'd you know I was here?"
"I know you, John."
With that she got up, kissed her own fingers, and softly placed them on John's cheek. She left him to his grieving process, hoping she made a difference.
He was left to think of the friend that he had in Deb. How she was there through the stabbing and drug addiction. How the future suddenly seemed clear. How that from this point on, everything was different, because she really knew him.
He had been sitting there, alone in the dark exam room, for forty minutes, wallowing in all of the emotion that had come to the surface. Gamma was gone. She had left him with the damn foundation. His mother hadn't bothered to show up. Abby's brother ruined the funeral. Now that was over.
He had known that for a while, though. He had been denying the fact for months. So much was changing in his life, and he wanted stability. Oddly enough, he found that enough in a woman who seemed to be anything but stable. Between her alcoholism and her mentally disturbed family, she had enough baggage of her own. He just added to that.
He wasn't in love with her anymore. If there was any doubt before, it disappeared the minute Eric fell into the open grave at the cemetery. He was still angry-angry at Eric for making the funeral into three ring circus, angry at Abby for bringing him there, and not worrying about the consequences, angry at himself for letting the relationship go on as long as it did.
This wasn't what he wanted from his life. No matter how passionate he had once felt for Abby, there had always been a void. Something was not quite there.
He had to get out of there. He knew where he had to go.
++++++++
"Hey, Jerry, have you seen John?"
"He left about ten minutes ago. Still looked upset. Abby walked out of here an hour ago, nearly in tears. Any idea what that's all about?"
"No idea Jerry. Thanks. Have a good night."
++++++++
"I'm so sorry, Gamma. You know I wouldn't ever do anything like that on purpose. I promise nothing like that will happen again. It's over between us. I can't-I can't deal with her problems and mine. You knew that a while back didn't you?"
Still in his suit, however unkempt, he sat on the damp ground beside a thick mound of dirt. He needed to feel close to her, like there was still some connection between them. He kneaded the dirt in his hands, as if that would cosmically let her hear all the words that he was saying. Tears flowed freely, unhindered.
He looked up at the stars, and tried to ignore the sound of approaching footsteps. He soon felt a presence over him, but he didn't dare look to see who it was. His father maybe? Abby coming to apologize? He wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone. Whoever it was would have to deal with that and leave.
"John?"
The familiar voice was like a soothing fresh wind. But he sat still, not wanting her to see the tears in his eyes. In his peripheral vision he could see her kneel down beside him. He felt her gentle hand touch his shoulder.
"John, I'm sorry about what happened in the trauma room earlier. I - I know that today has been trying for you. Susan told me what happened at the funeral. I'm really sorry you had to go through that. It's unfair. She was a good woman. She deserved better."
"Yes, she did."
" I know I can't say anything to make it better, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen if you need to talk."
"What about Pratt? Won't he get jealous?"
She chuckled slightly.
"I don't think he'll have a problem with me helping out a friend. Besides, he's leaving for Northwestern soon. I don't see it working out past then anyway."
"Thanks. I appreciate that. How'd you know I was here?"
"I know you, John."
With that she got up, kissed her own fingers, and softly placed them on John's cheek. She left him to his grieving process, hoping she made a difference.
He was left to think of the friend that he had in Deb. How she was there through the stabbing and drug addiction. How the future suddenly seemed clear. How that from this point on, everything was different, because she really knew him.