Mr. Monk Comes To Smallville

Summary: What happens when Mr. Monk comes to Smallville to investigate a murder mystery? Chaos ensues, that's what. Smallville/Monk crossover. This takes place five days after "Krypto" in a world without Jason.

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone, so don't sue.

One more thing. Please excuse anything uncharacteristic about Monk in here, cause I just became a fan quite recently.

Chapter 1: Smallville? Where's That?

The unmistakable sound of a gunshot rang in the night air as the UHF (Unidentified Hooded Figure) wearing black gloves with what looked like green paint on his hands pulled the trigger on a rifle. The victim fell to the ground in a pool of his own blood. The UHF ran away from the now vacant field after dropping the gun.

As he (or she, but for now we'll just call he/she a "he") got to the farm's entrance, he looked up and saw a sign that read "KENT FARM". He looked down and saw garbage cans a few feet away. If he could just run over there without being seen, then maybe—Yes! He could dispose of his evidence.

Hours after this "little incident", Clark Kent walked outside, intending to do his chores. As he headed to the barn, he looked out into the field to see Lois Lane taking a peaceful morning walk. Probably trying to figure out how to torture me today, he thought.

He went into the barn, where he found his family's recently acquired dog, Shelby, following him closely. Since Shelby became a member of the Kent family, Clark was seldom seen around the farm without him. He didn't mind; he liked the company.

Suddenly, he heard Lois scream. He sprinted as fast as a normal human being would go, since he didn't want Lois to see him use his powers.

"What is it Lois?" he asked as he got there and saw Lois with her eyes practically popping out of her head.

"Smallville, do you mind explaining to me why there's a dead body in your field?" Even in a time of crisis, Lois still used the nickname that Clark hated with a fiery passion.

Clark looked down to see what she was talking about. Sure enough, there was a dead body lying right there for all the world to see. Shelby let out a soft cry before leaning down to sniff the body.

Clark x-rayed the man with his nifty x-ray vision. "Looks like he got shot."

"No really. That's why there's a big bullet hole right in his chest. Who is he anyways?"

"I don't know," Clark responded.

"So, Miss Lane," Sheriff Adams, began, "how did you find this body?"

"Well," Lois answered, "I was just taking a walk around the fields and I just, kind of, saw him."

"I see." Sheriff Adams had gloves on, and she held the rifle. She made her way over to Clark's parents, Martha and Jonathan.

"Mr. Kent?" Sheriff Adams said. "Is this your rifle?"

After looking closely at it, Jonathan was surprised to identify that rifle as his own. He nodded.

"Mr. and Mrs. Kent, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to search your property," Sheriff Adams announced.

"Fair enough," Jonathan said. "We have nothing to hide."

"We'll see about that," Sheriff Adams said.

After searching the entire Kent property, Sheriff Adams had located the green painted gloves in the trashcan. She made Jonathan try the left one on, and it fit him perfectly. She saw that the one on the right hand had been stretched out, just big enough for Jonathan's plaster-casted arm to fit in.

Some sort of super-dog had recently attacked Jonathan, and it bit him straight through the bone.

This all made Jonathan Kent a suspect in the murder of, well, ol' what's-his-name. "Mr. Kent," Sheriff Adams said somewhat solemnly, "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to keep you in custody for being a suspect in the murder of this currently unidentified man."

Meanwhile, in San Francisco, California, police captain Leland Stottlemeyer was checking his e-mail. He kept in close contact with his niece, Lois Lane (not an uncle on the same side of the family as Chloe), and she had sent him an e-mail about her friend's dad being a suspect in a murder investigation. She said she knew he didn't do it, but she had no proof.

Stottlemeyer started thinking about his friend, Adrian Monk. He was good at that kind of stuff. Proving an innocent person innocent, and then finding the guilty one. He wondered if maybe . . . nah, that would be too much to ask. Especially since it required getting on an airplane. The last time (that he could think of) Monk went on an airplane was with his former assistant, Sharona, a couple of years ago when he solved a murder mystery. What else was new?

"Hey Captain," a voice said. He looked up to see Lieutenant Randy Disher standing there.

"What is it, Randy?" he asked.

"Oh, nothin', you were just spacing off, so I was trying to snap you out of it."

Stottlemeyer ignored this and turned back to his e-mail. Poor Lois, he thought. He knew how much she liked living with the Kents, as much as she didn't want to admit it. He wrote a reply back saying he and a couple of friends were coming there to help prove her Mr. Kent's innocence.

Now, the hard part was telling Mr. Monk he had to get on an airplane.

"Are you kidding me?" Monk asked Stottlemeyer, after the captain told him he had to fly to Kansas to investigate a murder mystery.

"Mr. Monk," Natalie Teeger, Monk's current assistant broke in, "just give it a try."

"Why do I have to?" Monk asked in a whiny voice.

"Because," said Stottlemeyer. "I already told my niece we were coming. I barely ever ask you for anything. Please?"

"Oh, all right," Monk gave in, only because it wasn't often when he saw the Captain say please. "But where exactly are we going?"

"Smallville Kansas," the Captain told him.

"Smallville?" Natalie repeated. "Where's that?"

"In Kansas," the Captain replied, for which Natalie gave him a dirty look in reply.

"I figured that," she said bitterly. "When do we leave?"

"As soon as you guys are ready," Stottlemeyer answered.

"Well in that case," Monk said, "we'll see you in about forty years. I might be ready by then."

Lois received the e-mail from her Uncle Leland. She never meant for him to come there, but she wasn't just going to make him go home. She just hoped the Kents would feel the same way.

"Hey, Lois," Clark said.

"Clark, do you respect privacy at all?" Lois asked without looking up. "You just came barging in here, not even a knock-"

"Lois," Clark said. "I'm not in your room. I'm out in the hall and your door is open."

Now Lois looked up. "Oh, shut up, Clarkie."

Clark grinned. "I just came up to ask you what you would want on a pizza. Mom's being questioned at the police station, and that's what we're doing for dinner."

"I eat pretty much anything, except for gross stuff, like anchovies and olives and stuff."

"Okay," Clark said. "Pepperoni, peppers, and onions then."

Lois nodded. "Clark?"

"What?" Clark didn't really like the guilty tone of voice that Lois was using.

"Do you think your parents would mind if my uncle and a couple friends were to oh, I don't know, come out here and investigate the murder?"

Clark raised an eyebrow. "You told uncle about this?"

Lois nodded sheepishly. "I don't know why, but he wants to."

"Is this the one from San Francisco?" Clark asked.

Lois nodded. "That's the one."

"It depends. Are they good detectives?"

"I don't know," Lois said.

"Are they staying here?"

"I don't know."

Clark sighed. He just hoped these guys were good, because he did want his dad's name to be cleared.

"I hate rental cars," Monk complained as he, Stottlemeyer, Natalie, and Natalie's twelve-year-old daughter Julie rode in a silver Ford Taurus on their way to Smallville. They had flown into the Metropolis airport and now were on the 2-hour drive between the two towns.

"More than airplanes?" Julie asked snidely, which was met with a disapproving glare from Natalie.

"No," Monk replied, "no, not quite. At least here we're at ground level."

They passed a sign that read "SMALLVILLE—Meteor Capital of the World" on it. All four passengers wondered what this meant.

Julie was not excited about having to go to Smallville. She had made that very clear to her mother, but still, she had to go. But that didn't stop her from asking why.

"Mom, why'd I have to come again?" she whined.

"Because," Natalie said in an irritated tone, "I don't know how long we're gonna be here, and I don't want you staying at home by yourself. We've already been through this. In fact, we've been through this three times and this time makes four."

"Yeah, well, I still don't have to like it."

One hour, a stop for gas, three stops for directions, and two wrong turns later, Stottlemeyer pulled the car into a driveway under the KENT FARM sign. "Well, we're here," he said.

"Great," Monk said from the passenger seat. "Let's not hurry here, we don't want to have to get back on that airplane too soon."

The got out of the car and proceeded to the front door. Before they knocked, a voice came from behind them. "Uncle Leland?"

"Hey Lois," Stottlemeyer. "I'd like you to meet Adrian Monk, his assistant Natalie Teeger, and her daughter Julie."

"It's nice to meet you," Lois said with a smile. "Welcome to Smallville." They have no idea what they're getting themselves into, do they? She thought to herself.

A/N: That's all for now, so bring on them reviews, because I really really need them. I feed off them, I live off them, and yeah, whatever. Bottom line is, just review. I ain't gonna update without a review.