A/N: I've lost count on how many times I've watched the promo for the season premier. It's so much amazingness wrapped up into too few seconds, but it has me so excited for this new season. With that being said…my muse went into overdrive. And this is what came of that. It'll be a multi-chapter, mostly because what I've already written is way longer than the oneshot I had thought I was writing. It's been awhile since I've posted in here, but I hope you enjoy!

Spoilers for the Promos and upcoming season.

Disclaimer: If only…

…

He woke suddenly. His eyes strained against the brightness of the mid-morning sunshine filtering through the floor to ceiling curtains and he stretched out the sleepy kinks in his muscles. When he felt for a body next to him, his disappointment came out in the form of a sigh as he only felt the coolness of the Egyptian cotton sheets. His eyes filtered over his bedroom and he couldn't keep the grin off his face when he notice her boots were haphazardly laying on the floor near the door and his pants and boxers were in a pile on the floor.

He propped himself up on his elbows and pressed to listen for signs that Kate was somewhere in the vicinity. The door to the bathroom was wide open and appeared empty. When he started to get up the door to his bedroom started to open slowly and he sat back, unable to wipe the grin off of his face.

Kate stepped through the door, balancing a cup of coffee in one of her hands with a book tucked under her arm, dressed in only one of white dress shirts that hit her at mid-calf, with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows.

Richard Castle didn't even attempt to keep the smugness out of his voice when he finally spoke.

"So it wasn't a dream."

Kate looked startled for a minute but when her eyes met his, the smile on her face grew and she shook her head. "No, it wasn't a dream."

"Good."

She walked over to his side of the bed and took a sip of her coffee before setting it and the book down on the bedside table and tucking her feet up under her on the bed.

"So…you liked it?"

His answer was automatic and enthusiastic. "Yeah."

She smiled, catching her bottom lip between before answering, "me too."

"I'd like to do it again."

The cockiness in his voice made her laugh but she didn't stop his fingers when they started working down the buttons of his dress shirt. Kate leaned in and closed the distance between their lips. The kiss was sweet and only slightly tentative before Castle deepened it.

"I have to be dreaming." His voice was breathless and quiet when he said the words.

"Not dreaming," Kate assured him against his lips and they resumed their deepened kiss.

When Castle's phone started playing the theme song to COPS, Rick groaned and Kate sat back and wrapped her arms around her front.

"Let me guess," she started with a chuckle, "one of the boys?"

"Or the precinct."

"It won't be the precinct."

Castle looked at her with a face that showed she was going to have to explain that one before finding his jeans on the floor to dig his phone out of the pocket.

"It's Esposito," Castle told her when he finally found his phone, "should I answer?"

Kate shrugged and he pressed the accept and placed the phone to his ear.

"Hey Esposito…yeah…well, no…but…slow down…"

Kate worried her bottom lip between her teeth as she listened to Castle's half of the conversation with Esposito, until she finally grabbed the phone out of Castle's hand.

"Hey Javi."

"Beckett?"

"Yeah it's me," she answered while she threaded her current free hand's fingers through Rick's. "Stop yelling at Castle okay?"

"I wasn't yelling…"

"He wasn't yelling…"

The two men answered at once and Kate choked back a chuckle.

"Okay so you weren't yelling," Kate relented, "what's up?"

"You have to be kidding me," Esposito answered, "you resigned and disappeared. Your phone is off and you have Lanie worried sick. I was calling Castle to see if he'd heard from you. Apparently…he has."

"Funny."

"Just an observation."

"I'm fine Javi, promise."

"Bull shit."

"I'd rather not go into this right now," Kate told him firmly. "I have another conversation I need to have before I go through it with anyone else."

"I get it. What can I tell Lanie?"

"That I'm fine and I'll call her later."

"Don't think she's going to go for that one."

"She doesn't have a choice. Don't even think about telling her where I am, got it?"

"Got it boss."

"Javi…I'm not your…never mind. Later. Have you talked to Kevin?"

"I'm not talking to him."

"Javier Esposito. That's ridiculous."

"I don't agree with that."

Kate sighed, "I guess that is something else we're going to have to talk about later then. We need to get together and talk. All of us. I'll call you and Lanie later to set it up, okay?"

"Fine."

"Good. Now, I'm going to hang up. Don't tell Lanie anything."

When she hung up the phone and set it on the nightstand she turned back to Castle, who was looking completely confused, and molded her way into his arms. They sat there, together and in silence, for several minutes before Kate started talking.

"I should have listened to you. I should have…I should have done so many things differently. But, I can't change what happened now. Now, now I just have to move forward."

"Kate…"

"Shh," she interrupted back. "There is a lot to say Rick. A lot to apologize for and I need to be able to say it all. Can you give me some uninterrupted time before you start asking questions?"

Rick nodded and was rewarded with a brief kiss before Kate continued.

"I couldn't get what you had told me, what you admitted to me out of my head. It blinded me in anger. I know why you did what you did, but in the moment, I couldn't see that. I could only see the betrayal. It pushed me even harder to bring down Maddox once and for all. Javi found him. Used a car rental place to match him with the long-term hotel he'd been renting. Kevin didn't like the idea of me going in without backup. Javi said he'd come along and we made Kevin stay behind. I think we told him to run phone records or something, I don't even really remember now. We just went. We found his place all right. He had Montgomery's wedding albums out and there was a picture missing. Like he'd been looking for someone.

"Well I think it was then that I finally started thinking clearly. Or at least, mostly clearly. Decided to call it in, request backup. Go by the book. I wanted him Castle. I wanted him and I was going to do whatever it took to take him down. He was unfortunately, a step ahead of us though. He took Javi out with almost no effort. About knocked me out there too. But I chased him and he led me to the roof. There was a struggle. He overpowered me. He was faster, stronger and it didn't take long for me to realize that there was no way I could stand up to him on my own.

"He basically threw me off the side of the building. I was holding on with my fingers as he stood over me with his menacing smile and then just walked away. I was trying desperately to hold on when I thought I heard your voice calling me. I yelled back. Begged you to find me before I lost the grip that was quickly slipping and I swear Castle, I heard your voice in my head. It was in that moment; hanging on to that concrete ledge with all my strength and hearing you call me that I knew…I knew that I screwed up. That I ruined everything. That I ruined us. It wasn't you though. It was Kevin and a whole host of the S.W.A.T. team and Gates."

She wiped at the tears that were making their way down her face before she looked up to meet his eyes.

"Javi and I were both taken to the hospital and then when we were released summoned to Gates' office. She read us the riot act. With every right to, I won't deny that. But the whole thing was building up inside of me. She was berating us and all I could think about was just seeing you. I had to see you. The suspensions were coming. I knew that the minute I saw Gates on the roof. I was almost surprised she didn't fire us on the spot. But I was standing in her office, listening to her suspend us and suddenly nothing mattered but getting to you. My mother's case didn't matter, Maddox didn't matter, nothing…

"I set my badge down and told her I resigned."

She could feel Castle inhale at that, but was thankful that he kept his word and didn't interrupt.

"I packed up my personal items from my desk and left. I went and visited my mom's gravesite first. I guess I wanted to apologize for failing her. Or at least, what I felt was failing her, but I didn't fail her because I didn't solve her murder. I failed her because I let myself get so caught up in her death and her case that I forgot to let myself live my own life. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. I thought I couldn't have my own life before I solved her murder, but I think that I was using that as a crutch. And I'm tired of living my life with a limp. I'm ready to take everything on full force. I let the rest of my walls fall down there."

She smiled and brought his fingers that were interlocked with hers to her lips and kissed his knuckles.

"I went to our park. The one we sat on the swings and talked after I got back last fall. It was pouring and I was sitting there reliving that conversation in my head and kicking myself for not being honest with you there. Rick, I regret not telling you that I remember that day in the cemetery. I was scared and vulnerable and I didn't know how to face it all, but I shouldn't have lied to you.

"You are so important to me Rick. You changed my life and I could never repay you for that. You taught me how to have fun again. And most importantly you taught me that someone like you could love me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to make it up to you, but I want to try. I just want you. I don't need anything else in my life as long as you are in it. Last night…well it was pretty perfect for me. I don't regret a thing. And I hope you don't either."

…

A/N: It's not really a cliffhanger…but this felt like the most natural place to break for now. Please let me know what you think. Reviews are what keep me writing and posting. Thanks for reading y'all!