A/N: Not mine. Any of it. Not even the Bible. No offense intended. Take it however you want though. And if you do really hate it, please PLEASE flame me.
Anno Domini 1997
One sunny, boring day on boring Privet Drive, a bored Harry decided to go to the library, in the hopes that he might find something a little less boring than watching dust settle. (Petunia had relegated him to dust-watching duties—Dudley had recently discovered "allergies", and Petunia wanted to make sure that her Precious Dinky-diddidums didn't have to suffer from undue amounts of sneezing.)
Any rate, as Harry had a choice between watching dust settle, weeding the garden, or going to the library (ostensibly to research dust-mites), he chose to make a dignified retreat, and skedaddled out of the house.
He ran down the streets, ignoring the old women who turned to stare disapprovingly at him and stage a loud conversation about the condition of "young people these days," and "those St. Brutus boys" in particular.
When he finally reached the library (which was, incidentally, very dusty, which in turn was probably why Petunia had told him to drench himself with the hose before returning home) he stopped, stupefied by the sight of books, something that he tried to avoid at all costs in school.
"Can I help you?" creaked an ancient old lady with a crew cut and a leather pantsuit.
"Er, could you show me where the librarian is?" Her friendly smile dropped, and she began to glare at him.
"I am the librarian."
"Oh, sorry," he said sheepishly, "Do you think you could help me find something really interesting about the battles between good and evil? I don't know what people call it… sci-fi?"
The lady eyed him evilly, "You're one of the Brutus boys aren't you? Oh, I have the perfect thing for you." She ambled back to a very dusty bookcase, full of thick books that looked like something Hermione would read—but that no one else would even touch. Harry considered making a run for the door, but the thought of being put back on dust duty stopped him. Nothing she gave him could be that bad, right?
She handed him a thick book (though she looked like she would rather whack him on the head with it), with a gold cross on the front. "The … Bible?" Harry read.
"Yes," she snapped, "the ultimate war between good and evil. Obviously you've never heard of it. Maybe this will impart some virtue into your dark soul." She stomped away.
Harry stood there, struck by her words. "…Impart virtue into dark soul," he repeated, stunned. "Dark soul…" He then paused, as he had lost his train of thought. Five minutes later, he looked down, and noticed the book in his hands.
"Voldemort!" he shrieked. The librarian looked at him disapprovingly.
"Shhh! There are people trying to work here!" Harry looked around at the empty library, and came to the conclusion that the librarian enjoyed speaking in the third person. After casting her an apologetic look, he sat down at a nearby (empty) table, and began to read avidly. In the beginning…
About halfway through, Harry came to a realization. Through the power of Jesus Christ, Our Lord, and the Son of God, he could save Voldemort's soul! All seven of them! He avidly read the rest of the Good Book, but on finishing it, realized that he needed more information. He decided to do that thing that Hermione always did… "What's it called again?" he wondered aloud, ignorant of the librarian's glare. "Oh, right! Research!"