Author: Persephone
E-mail: Persefone_il@y...
Status: Complete
Type: Humor
Spoilers: none
Rating: PG
Content warning: Language, M/M implied
Summary: "All right. How do I bribe you to go away and leave me alone?" Schuldig/Crawford-ish.
"Leave me alone."
"Don't want to." I sat by his side and snuck my head onto his shoulder. "Who do I have to blow to get some attention around here?"
He shook his shoulder, hard enough to jostle me away. "Ow. I'm filing a complaint."
"Your complaint has been duly-noted and completely ignored. What part of 'go away' did you not understand?"
"The part where it applies to me. Come on; give over, Mr. Blue Balls. Even you have to want sex at some point in your life."
"What I want or don't want is not, was not, and never will be any of your business. Should I clarify it further?"
Instead of answering, I bit his shoulder. Around pre-cogs, it pays to be spontaneous. He grabbed my hair and practically pulled me off, nearly pulling it out in the process. "Do I need to set Nagi on you again?" he said.
"Shows what you know. I've got Nagi trained and willing to do my bidding."
Something hit the wall to my left with a muffled 'thunk', which just went to show that Nagi was in a nice mood today. If he was pissed, that would've been my head hitting the wall. The way things were going, Brad wouldn't have done anything about it, the prick.
"I think Nagi disagrees."
"Spoken like a man who speaks the obvious."
"Around here, anything that isn't obvious is in constant doubt." He moved away from me. "All right. How do I bribe you to go away and leave me alone?"
"Hot sex?" I didn't need to read his mind when I could read the expression on his face, or lack thereof. "Oh, all *right*. I want a new gun."
"What's wrong with the ones you've already got?"
"Do you really want the layman terms?"
Brad, in the ever-present way of a man who finds that there are things in life far more interesting than firearms, rolled his eyes and shook his head. "But you are not getting a new gun unless the ones you already have are dysfunctional."
"Hey, I *like* dysfunctional weapons. They suit my personality." I returned Brad's narrowed-eyed glare. "They all work, okay? But I have some specific needs which should--"
"Schuldig, the last thing in the world I want to hear about is your 'specific needs'."
I rolled my eyes right back at him. "And you accuse *me* of having a dirty mind."
"My mind is not dirty; I keep it very clean and aired. If it is of a slightly darkened color in its natural state, that is -- again -- no business of yours."
"Is there anything which *is* my business?"
"Not that I'm aware of. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to stop you."
"Never did, never will." I gave him my broadest smirk. "So. Pay up, Bradley."
"The things I do to get some peace." He forked over the cash. "Anything else, you pest?"
"Not for now." I grinned, and smooched the tip of his nose.
I was pinned down a second later, and was left wondering if being spontaneous around pre-cogs isn't a bit overrated.
Or maybe, now that I think about it, underrated.
Notes: This, as the title implies, was entirely spontaneous and sprang from my mind whole for no reason what so ever.
Again, thanks Patti for beta.
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