Minor spoilers if your aren't in the Shippuuden Arc, but it won't matter because I threw everyone off character all for the sake of a joke. I don't own Kishimoto's characters and I don't own Monty Python's ideas, but I do own their useless merchandise.
Confess!
He gritted his teeth, complained out loud how unfair it was, he kicked the ground and screamed but nothing could persuade the Toad Man further in training him today. Naruto feeling himself getting a little horse decided to just screw the situation and leave for home. Kicking every innocent rock that was available for his feet to abuse, Naruto made it down the dirt path and to the Konoha gates. Giving the bored gate men a wave, he made it to the main street of his home.
Halfway to his house Naruto took a break at his favorite ramen stand. After taking a deep breath of the light shrimp aroma he snapped his chopsticks and slurped the first hot noodles. As he began to feel better, he sensed movement behind him. Turning from his bowl, his eyes fixed on the long sapphire haired girl who froze upon his noticing.
"I-I... I-" she fumbled.
"Sit by me, Hinata. There is something I need to say to you." he motioned to the neighboring chair with his chopsticks.
"O-okay." she nodded and carefully sat beside him as Naruto push the bowl away from himself.
"Before I say the initial question, I need to explain myself." he placed his chopsticks down and turned to face Hinata again who nodded once more, "I grew up being a hated and disliked orphan, so there was no one to help me around when I started becoming a teenager. I went nuts for a girl who hated me thinking it was love." Naruto gave a nervous glance away, "It was only lust."
"Oh, Naruto..." Hinata reached out with her shaking hands and was shocked when Naruto grabbed them.
"Wait Hinata, I'm not done." their eyes matched again, "There was also someone else dear to me during that time, and I did everything in friendship for him. But apparently it meant nothing to him and he left for that Goddamn snake sannin." he then squeezed her hands, "The way I kept going after him, for a while I thought I was seriously gay. I mean, Sasuke is like Sakura except a gender change and a murdered family." Hinata was unsure, but she gave another nod showing she understood.
"Your too kind girl," one of his hands pulled away from hers to scratch behind his head, "despite everything, you cared about me-" It was then Hinata started to really flush.
"Ooh... N-Naruto!"
"I mean it Hinata!" the stray hand placed itself back in the warm clutch, "You've cheered me on when no one else did! And I never did anything about it. I just left you... just like Sasuke and Sakura. Hinata..." She tried to respond back but nothing came out, not even air.
"Hinata, you are my other half, that missing piece!" he moved in closer as Hinata tried hard to remember to breathe, "Please, let me make it up to you!" his nose brushed against hers causing her to finally take in a breath of surprise.
'It's a dream come true... It's a dream come true...' She closed her eyes smelling his breath which was something strong of ramen, but she didn't care. This was it, he was wrapping his arms around her as she just managed to pull her trembling ones around his neck-
"Wait!"
"Stop!" Came cries from a distance, but before Naruto and Hinata could process the outside world they where ripped apart and then place a few good meters away from each other. No longer under the ramen stand's shade, Naruto blinked a few times before the two figures came into focus.
"What the hell, Kiba and Shino!" Naruto roared. A great ways across from him, Hinata placed her hands in front of her mouth in shock.
"I-I wasn't expecting you till six!"
"Nobody expects team 8!" Kiba posed his leg as if it were balancing on a keg. Naruto groaned as his eyes narrowed to slits.
"Can you guys just do what you came here to do? Hinata and I-"
"I loath to say that cannot happen." Shino rose a finger at Naruto.
"Whaaat?" Naruto clenched his teeth.
"What my conspicuous friend is asking," Kiba butted in, "is that you can go out with Hinata, but only on these two conditions thus!" Kiba rose a finger into the sky, "One!"
"You will appoint yourself to preform everything you can for Ms. Hyuuga."
"Two!" another finger joined the first.
"You are not aloud to cause her any grief."
"Three!" a third finger joined.
"Three?" Shino looked over his shoulder to the blank look on Kiba's face.
"Blast it!" Kiba slapped his side, "Okay, there are four! Four conditions you must abide to!"
"Sure," Naruto shrugged, "If only you can tell me what the hell the other two meant." the other two boys conversed with each other as if Naruto had said nothing. When silence met the two they turned to face Naruto once again.
"Alright, number three!" Kiba practically shoved his hand in Naruto's face causing him to back up more. Shino then shoved himself in between the two.
"You will make sure to return her to us or home before the sun sets."
"Four!"
"Any maltreatment of Hinata and you must answer to us."
"And finally!"
"You must agree to all of these terms." Shino folded his arms.
"Guys, that wasn't four-"
"Shut up!" Kiba barked, "Do you agree with the terms or not?"
"Sure! Yes! Alright!" Naruto waved his hands around, "I agree! I agree!"
"Then it's settled!" Kiba grinned, pulling Hinata by the arm, "You two have fun!" and swung her into Naruto who grabbed her quickly.
"Um, thanks?"
"See you later, Kiba and Shino!" Hinata waved cheerfully.
"Anytime!" Kiba waved back before leaping into Shino's arms. "Oh Shino," he purred as he stroked the hair under the hood, "I love it when you speak words I don't understand..." Shino turned his back and began walking away from the straighter couple, "tell me more!"
"Indiscreet."
"Yes!"
"Gomeral."
"Damn, are they like your adopted parents or something?" Naruto whispered, Hinata only nodded happily.
"Oh yes yes!" Kiba cheered. Thankfully, these were the last words that were audible to Naruto as the male duo turned a corner into an alleyway.
If you aren't familiar with Monty Python's Spanish Inquisition go to your favorite Internet video player and search them up. If you were offended by this in any way you are taking this too seriously.