Return to me
(Set after season 2) Chapter 1
Ciel pov
Its funny how we've both changed, isn't it…
You were my rock, my protection, my constant companion, and the one person I knew would always be there when the others either left me or died.
I used to think of you as a cat, ironic I know since you love- or did love them, you're not the same anymore. But yes, you were a cat, elegant, graceful, and powerful. How intelligent yet mischievous you were with the games you played, the arrogance and deadliness you possessed yet was hidden away behind your beauty.
I enjoyed it, the connection we had. I could always see emotion in your fiery eyes, normally amusement as you enjoyed teasing me when ever you found an opening to do so. And after all we had been through; I had started to believe that despite you were with me due to our contract, that you had come to like me. Perhaps… more than that, I hoped you would come to love me they way I do you.
Yes that's right. It's pathetic of me, hardly the behaviour of an earl, let alone someone of the Phantomhive name, to fall for the charms of a demon who knows nothing of emotions apart from hunger and hatred.
So I was glad, when I woke up reborn as a demon, red eyes and all. I was happy because I wouldn't have to die; we would be able to be together for as long as possible.
But the moment I opened my eyes, that Sebastian was lost, and in his place was empty shell of my butler. You wouldn't look me in the eyes for the first few years, even now; you can't look at me for long. I know you wish for my death, dream of it maybe, but you can't kill me. You're not allowed to. You would have let me starve to death if I hadn't ordered you to teach me the basics of demon skills.
You remain silent most of the time, no more games; you don't plot anything, your nothing but a trapped bird.
That's how I see you now. A bird placed in my cage, longing for freedom, no longer singing.
It hurts. I swear, if you keep looking at me with dead eyes, I'm going to lose my mind. I'd give anything to have the old you back, but he's been gone for so long…. My heart is running out of hope that you will return and my patience to wait for you is running out of time. I can't live like this, not forever.
I've many times heard the saying,' if you love something, let it go; if it comes back you are loved in return'
That's what you want right… for me to let you go?
But if I do open the cage, and let you fly…would you come back to life…back to me?
They stood by a river, somewhere unknown. Ciel was looking at his reflection thinking, sneaking glances at his reluctant companion, who looked on with dull eye, seemingly blocking him and the world away.
Not looking away from the clear depths of the water, Ciel finally spoke up.
"Sebastian, tell me what you want? What do you wish for?"
Not even batting an eyelash he spoke in a monotone as he said "Nothing that can be given, my lord"
Ciel sighed "Will you not even tell me, perhaps change your tone…anything?"
"….."
Turning around to look at the pale face of his demon he lost it.
"God damn it Sebastian! What is wrong with you? Where is the demon I used to know? The one who was there to help me when my life turned to shit, that arrogant bastard who even became someone important to me….where the fuck is he?"
He watched as Sebastian's eyes narrowed but he remained silent.
"I order you… tell me what it is you want"
Sebastian bowed slightly, looking at the ground as he growled out "Yes, my lord" Standing up straight he looked Ciel in the eye's, allowing him to see his own eyes glowing with the ferocity of his rage. "I want my freedom. I have no desire to serve a brat for the rest of my days. I did what you wanted in exchange for your soul, but what do I end up with? A lost meal, wasted time and effort on my part and my life chained to you. I want to be rid of you, permanently!"
"I see" Ciel whispered. Facing away he looked back towards the flowing water, not wanting the pain on his face to be shown as he let out a shaky breath "I don't think you know what you mean to me…" Clearing his throat he spoke in a loud voice "What ever hate you hold towards me for my fate, you can't blame me for it… If I could have I would have given you my soul. You deserved it for all that you did. I did not ask nor wish for this life! Secondly…" He turned and walked till he was standing right in front of Sebastian, then removed his eye patch, "since you wish it so much…so be it. Sebastian, I order you, break this contract at once! We agreed you would serve me to gain my soul, which is no longer possible, making our contract null and void. So I order you once more, break it and claim your freedom." He shouted in a loud voice full of authority.
Sebastian's eyes seemed to widen slightly, but it must have been a trick of the mind as in an instant he was replaced as Sebastian once again showed the insulting blank face as he bowed to the ground, hand over his heart, "Yes, my lord"
Pain suddenly shot through his body, but more so in his eyes, which he closed in effort to block it out. His hands griped his hair and pulled as he tried his best to not make a sound.
His body shuddered and he gasped for breath when it finished.
When he opened his eyes…Sebastian was gone…
It was only then, now that Ciel realised just how alone he was, that he let himself fall to his knees, and cry for the first time since he was a child.
To be continued…