Disclaimer: I own nada.
AU. Set in the months after season 3 finale. Rachel and Cooper died in the accident. Nathan tried to save them. Haley leaves after Chris' record company wants to produce her album. A distraught Nathan struggles with her abandonment.
Italics are memories.
Falling in a Single Moment
"Please Nathan, don't say that."
"But you left Haley…again."
Nathan stood on the bridge where Cooper and Rachel had met their fate; where he almost met his fate. It was a cold evening. The brisk wind kissed his cheeks. He breathed deeply, the cold air pinched as it filled his still healing lungs. Looking down at the water, memories of that day rushed through his mind like floods passed a broken levee.
"Nathan, please! No!" "I love you."
His eyes shot open, his rapid breaths racing to escape past his increasingly chapped lips. As his mind wandered, chills spiraled viciously within his nearly empty shell. For moments at a time he let himself travel back to that day, the pain embracing his entire being craving its overflowing fuel.
"Do you, Nathan, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"I do."
It stabbed at the few places that could still feel.
"I just needed to hear your voice…Where are you?"
"I'm right here."
"Where are you Haley?" Nathan whispered her name into the breeze.
"I'm not going to let you do this to me again…I'm not. So when, or if, you come home, we're done. And this time I'm not taking you back."
He was falling in that moment; Falling into a deep pool of relapsed betrayal and constant heartbreak. He was fighting a war with the waves of suffocating water that were swallowing him whole just as they literally had mere weeks ago. But this time he had lost. He no longer stood strong against the storms of pain that washed over him in the seasons of his and Haley's marriage. In a way though, he was stronger in that moment than he'd ever been before. He held strong against her flying daggers and crashing swords. He told her he was done, but most of all, he convinced her.
Where was this strength now? He used to feel so sure, so confident, that he didn't need Haley; So in control. Now, he stood on this bridge, fierce battle raging inside of him. He was begging for some kind of control. He was so desperate for it, he was willing to do anything; even if gaining this control meant surrendering his own life.
The wind was quickening, the chill was numbing, and his pain was finally lessening. A dark night sky was approaching rapidly and he could feel the tips of his fingers succumbing to the chilling air. It felt as though he'd been standing on the edge of this bridge for a lifetime but he knew it was no more than a few minutes.
This was it. If he was finally going to take control, this was the moment; the make or break, the now or never. A deep breath of icy air froze in his lungs. With eyes shut tight, afraid of seeing his fate face to face, he let go not only of the bridge, but of this life, this pain.
"Always?" "Forever."
"Nathan, no!" "I love you, Haley." "Nathan!!"
He felt himself saying goodbye to life. It was slipping through his fingers like sand on a beach. Is this truly how he wanted to die? With sound of her voice ringing in his ears; A voice that once thrilled him but now only brought him pain? He tried to block it out but it became an ever constant factor in his final moments.
"Nathan, please!"
Her sweet voice mused through him, but something was changing. This was no longer Haley's voice, but everyone else's: Lucas, Karen, his mom, his dad, Mouth, Tim, Skills, Peyton, Jake, Brooke, Whitey…Keith.
"Don't do this Nathan," the voices pleaded.
"You're not alone," they promised.
But he was alone. All he had was this bridge and the water below… and his control.
"Nathan," they screamed as he stepped off the bridge. Each voice was clear, distinct, determined. They faded into silence, all except one.
"Nathan," it screamed, masked in fear and pain.
As he fell, his eyes shot open. He shot a glance behind him in search of this voice's source. Lucas. His brother was running towards him, panic etching itself across his features.