Sealed

Disclaimer: I own nothing; Dick Wolf owns everything

Rating: T

Summary: I hate writing anything not cannon, but I just couldn't pass this up. A/U, Elliot never reconciled with Kathy. They have an amicable relationship, but his eye is on Olivia. Post Undercover, circa PTSD. Olivia finally comes clean about what happened in the basement, but she's having trouble with romantic relationships.

Olivia Benson leaned back on her couch, sipping a glass of chardonnay. Five months after her undercover assignment in Sealview, she had finally worked up the nerve to entertain a date. Fin had set her up with Jim Murdock, an old buddy of his from Narcotics. Jim had quite a bit in common with Olivia; he was in his early forties, never married, and most importantly, he respected her work with rape victims.

"I don't know how you do it." Jim said.

"Do what?" she replied.

"Work rape cases day in and day out. I've run into a rape victim or two, who were obviously referred to your squad, and it makes me so furious. Seeing women who were violated like that…I just want to put my fist through a wall." Great, here we go. Olivia thought. This is the end of this relationship…they always weird out about the sex crimes thing.

"We seek justice for the victim, and someone has to do it. If it bothers you…" she started.

"No, no, no, no…it doesn't bother me at all. What I meant was, I think it's incredibly noble, and anyone who can take on that job, voluntarily, is pretty amazing in my book." he replied. She flashed a smile at him. Maybe I was wrong…

He leaned in to kiss her. She closed her eyes and welcomed it, opening her mouth in response, allowing their tongues to dance together. He gently leaned her back, moving a hand down to her waist. His hand quickly found the hem of her blouse and worked its way back up to cup a bra-covered breast.

She was on the dirty concrete floor. Harris was looming over her. She grabbed his wrist, trying to force his hands away from her body. She was pushing with her might, but he still forced her arm high enough to secure the unoccupied cuff to the bars of the door. His pants unzipped, and he was forcing her face towards him…

"No!" she screamed, as her eyes flew open and she pushed Jim away from her. She couldn't breathe. Jim sat on the opposite side of the couch, as far away from her as he could get, with a puzzled look on his face.

"Olivia, I…I'm sorry…I didn't realize…I thought you were ok with this." Jim couldn't figure out what was going on with her. She had seemed totally into the date, and from her body language, he thought she wanted to sleep with him. It was almost as if she had become a completely different person in a split second. He wanted to put his arms around her to calm her down, but that seemed like a bad idea, so he just sat there, watching her as her breathing returned to normal. She took a few deep breaths.

"I'm sorry, Jim, I'm so sorry. I can't do this, not tonight. Please, just go."

"Are you sure you're ok? I don't want to leave you if there's anything seriously wrong…"

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone." Her voice had found the steely tone she used on suspects and perps. She watched as Jim walked to the closet and extracted his jacket. He opened the door, shook her head at her and left. Olivia curled herself into a ball and began to weep. When she had calmed herself enough, she picked up her phone and pressed 2.

XxXxX

Elliot, Dickie, Lizzie, and Kathleen Stabler were piled onto the large sectional couch in Elliot's living room. Pizza boxes, breadsticks, and glasses of soda were strewn about on the coffee table in front of them as they watched the Nicks play. They game was close, and all four Stablers were really getting into it. Elliot's cell phone gave a ring during a particularly crucial play. Kathleen was closest, so she picked up the phone. Benson, said the caller ID.

"Hey, Olivia, what's up?" she answered. "Hold on, Dad's right here." Kathleen passed the phone to her father.

"Yeah, Liv." he said, still partially distracted by the game. No words came from the other end of the line. Elliot furrowed his brow and turned his attention entirely toward the phone. "Liv?" He thought he could hear faint crying, but the phone went dead. He stared at the phone.

"What happened?" Kathleen asked.

"I have no idea. She just hung up." Elliot settled back to watch the game again, but he couldn't get Olivia's phone call out of his head. Had she actually been crying, or had he imagined it? And why had she hung up without saying a word?

"Kathleen, can you take your brother and sister back to your mom?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure. Are you going to Olivia's?"

"Yeah…something's not right. Stay. Finish eating, finish the game. Your mom isn't expecting you until late. I'm just not sure how long this is going to take." With that, he grabbed his own jacket and started walking toward Olivia's apartment.

XxXxX

Olivia stared at her phone, not sure why she had bothered to pick it up in the first place. What had she expected Elliot to do? Erase her memories? No one could do that. And, she had interrupted his night with his kids. She felt worse than she had when she picked up the phone.

She walked over to the window and stared outside, watching people walk along her street, noticing the streetlight half a block down that flickered, the seemingly happy couple locked in an embrace across the street. They all looked so happy. She wondered how many of them had ever experienced PTSD. She wasn't sure how long she had been watching when she heard a knock on her door. She walked over, glanced through the peephole, and opened it.

"Elliot, you didn't have to come all the way over here. Go on, go back home to your kids."

"Not until I'm sure you're ok. Come on, Liv…I'm your partner. It's my job to watch your back. Now, are you gonna let me in, or do I have to stay in the hallway like an idiot?" She stepped aside and allowed him in. He strolled around the living room, taking in every detail with his trained detective eye.

"Candles? Wine glasses? Soft jazz in the CD player? Looks like you were on a date." Olivia sighed and scratched her forehead with her thumb.

"Uh, yeah." Elliot checked his watch.

"8:53…that's pretty early for a date to end. What happened? Bad chemistry?" He was trying to resist the urge to poke a little fun at her. "Seriously, Liv, what happened?" She returned to her spot on the couch.

"I'm fine, El, really…you should be with your kids." Elliot took the spot next to her an placed a hand on her knee, which he instantly removed when she flinched.

"Ok, Liv, you might be able to fool everyone else, but you can't fool me. Now look, your eyes are red, your face is puffy, and you just flinched when I touched you. We've both seen this a thousand times. Were you attacked?" Olivia sighed and leaned back.

"Not tonight." she said quietly, and a fresh stream of tears started to roll down her cheeks.

"Come here." Elliot said. She put her head on his chest and cried into his shirt. "It's ok, Liv, let it out." She couldn't fight it anymore. Wracking sobs took over and Elliot held her like she was one of his own children, stroking her hair, and whispering soothing words to her. "Please, Liv, tell me…" When her tears subsided enough for her to speak, she found herself telling him words she swore he'd never hear.

"After I got back from Sealview, you asked me what happened in the basement. I thought it was nothing. I mean, he didn't rape me…" her voice became choked again. Elliot waited for her to regain her composure. "He was going to, El. I fought him so hard, but it wasn't enough." She lost her words, but Elliot knew there was more she needed to say.

"Tell me, Liv."

"He threw me onto this filthy mattress. I got back on my feet, and he grabbed me, and forced me to kiss him. The more I fought, the more into it he got. He said he was going to take his time with me." She drew in a deep breath. Elliot continued to listen, allowing her as much time as she needed. Olivia kept her eyes on her lap as she spoke. "He threw me against a wall and ground himself into me. He was already hard, El. He said he wanted to make me more comfortable, so he undid one of the cuffs. I elbowed him and ran, which just pissed him off. There was no way out, so I hid, hoping Fin would find me and hating the fact that I needed to be rescued. Harris got there first. He hit me, twice, with his nightstick. He cuffed me to the wall and unzipped his pants. He grabbed my head and forced me toward him and told me if I bit him, he would kill me. And then…Fin showed up." Elliot listened while she spilled out her entire tale. With every word she said, he grew more and more furious at Lowell Harris, and more and more protective of the woman sitting in front of him.

"Thank you for telling me, Liv, for trusting me. Trust me again, what happened tonight?"

"God, this is so embarrassing. I was in the middle of this really great date. I mean, really great. He was smart, good looking, charming, and he didn't freak out about the sex crimes gig. He was a perfect gentleman."

"Sounds great, but why isn't he still here? What happened?"

"We started to, you know…fool around, and I don't know. I felt like I was back in that basement again. Powerless, helpless. And, I kind of freaked out."

"You had a flashback?"

"Yeah, I guess I did. I'm broken, El. I can't have sex without being back in that prison."

"Keep working at it, Liv. You'll get there." She looked up at him, and their eyes locked. Within her brown depths, he saw the tough cop, the caring woman who held the hand of abuse victims, the victim herself, and everything else. He would give his life for her. She saw pain in the blue; his broken marriage, the love for his children…and something else. She broke the gaze and tucked her hair behind her right ear. She spoke again after a moment.

"You should go, El. Be with your kids."

"My kids are back in Queens with their mother, so I'm walking back to an empty apartment. I'll go, if you really want me to, but I think you could probably use some company tonight. I'll stay on the couch. If you have nightmares, you'll have someone here with you. I want to stay with you." Once he had made the request, he realized just how badly he wanted her to say yes. He couldn't bear to leave her, not while she was reeling from this.

She wanted to say no. She had every intention of telling him to go home. "Sure, El. Stay." And then those words had come out. She retrieved a set of sheets and blankets and started making up the couch. Elliot caught her arm.

"I'll take care of that. Let's get you into bed first." She grabbed a set of pajamas from her dresser and headed for the bathroom. She emerged a few minutes later, face cleared of makeup and clad in a tank top and cotton pajama pants. Without her usual lip gloss and mascara, she looked as if she had aged before her time. Elliot followed her into her bedroom and watched as she popped open a prescription bottle. She saw the questioning glance on his face. "It's only a mild sedative. Just enough to get me to sleep, and it generally keeps the nightmares at bay." She climbed into bed and clicked on the TV.

"No, Liv…you need to sleep." Elliot took the remote from her hand.

"El, no…I can't sleep without noise. It's too quiet, and trust me, you wouldn't want to be alone with the thoughts in my head." Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew she wasn't lying. He had heard of victims needing noise to fall asleep. Reluctantly, he gave her the remote back. She settled into the pillows and he tucked the blankets around her. He placed a chaste kiss on forehead, clicked off her light, and strolled back into the living room.

Elliot clicked on the TV, hoping to catch the end of the Nicks game, but it had already ended by the time he turned on the TV, so he switched to a late night talk show. He curled himself up on Olivia's couch, fully prepared to stay there all night. 45 minutes later, Olivia emerged from her bedroom.

"Elliot, will you sleep with me tonight?" A slew of emotions flew across Elliot's face. She held her hands up. "Just sleep. Nothing more."

"Whatever you need, Liv." He followed her back into her room. After he climbed into the bed, she took his arm and cradled it around her waste as she turned her back into his chest. He listened as her breathing slowed and sleep took her, before surrendering to sleep himself.

Please review! I'm working on Chapter 2, which will be up shortly.